people are just people

v day

2012-02-14T21:29:00.002+11:00

thoughts on valentines day:

idgaf

chat:

Sam: HAPPY VALENTINES
me: lol
really
Sam: hah
no

James: oh god
it is valentine's day
me: yeah
but that's not a thing
James: so you don't want me to email you bbq rice crackers
me: i always want that

best parts of my valentines day:

- ducks
- playing with my dog
- being 'in charge' at bird rescue
- cool volunteers at BR
- patting a neighbourhood cat and then he/she followed me home
- getting chapbooks in the mail
- tofu salad
- almost finished making my zine
- hannah made bread
- scorched almonds
- video call james
- this lil lady:

col, maj, gen

2012-02-14T10:42:00.001+11:00

foreign laundry excapades (in reverse order):
hostel laundry
cost: £4.50 (extortion), inc washing powder. drying on my bunk and the heater in dorm

my auntie anne's. x 3 or 4
cost: free. drying in the kitchen and on the aga

crispin's
cost: his love & affection. drying on the radiator, not knowing how to control the fricken thing

auntie ronnie's
cost: free. she uses gallons of fabric softener.. awesome.. drying in the airing cupboard.

ellie's
cost: free. was in desperate need of clean clothing by this stage. fanks mate.

jacob's
cost: free. jacob's place doesn't have a washing line which i found pretty weird. although australians did invent the hills hoist, if i'm not mistaken. but i figured floridians would just dry errythang outside due to sunshine. but nope, drying in a dryer, some things hanging up. learnt about 'dryer sheets'

downstairs at caro's
cost: like $3? drying extra. was fulfilling a great need.

---

a movie about octopus reproduction

just keep thinking the phrase 'nach australien'

staring at beards & butts, miscellaneous european piercings.

love when middle aged men at galleries explain art to each other, all loafers and leather bags

wear a dress, it's saturday, you're going out in shoreditch

can you think of anything more important than a mesh staircase. dm me.

---

just thinking about the different showers i've had. arms up, wailing at the faucet, letting things - grief, embarrassment, sadness - follow water down the drain

black tea, wet hair, no pants. balancing

want to cut my hair but then what will i casually put across my upper lip like a lil moustache

thinking about where all the abandoned Us from words are. in a big pile somewhere desolate and flat, then all of a sudden there's just ravine after ravine of Us, all fonts, all colours

water beats down on my boobs sort of violently, feels like a person is slapping them around in a non-threatening way. seems good and safe to be in this steamy, warm chamber of water.

wat... do i have a subconscious thing for boys with weird names and beards... seems like i have a conscious thing for burritos.. i'm going to walk you home, burrito

Pale Marble Movie

2012-02-12T19:55:00.006+11:00

http://soundcloud.com/staceteague/pale-marble-movie

found a new reading nook in my room, real good

hop on, hop off

2012-02-08T22:25:00.001+11:00

over the past 6 months it has seemed generally that thought catalog has strayed from posting the things that attracted me to it in the first place, but over the last week there have been some things i really enjoyed

on finding the right place to live
because at the moment i am looking for a flat in london and um it's kinda really hard woooo. the other day i was hanging out with laurens 'chillbro' verdonkschot and he said 'so what prompted this whole europe thing' or something to that effect and it seemed like a pretty legit question. the answer i give is usually something like 'because when i was 16 i decided that i would "get lost in europe" after i finished university'. and so i am here. but, before i left, i had this incredible sense of wellbeing about my life in melbourne. i adored it and felt like i couldn't feel more happy with a place, with my friends or where i lived at that present moment in time. yet i left it all. and so.

how to miss someone
just think this is going back to the good ole tc days. and seems like the second paragraph was stolen from me. i have been away for 3 months and to be honest, it doesn't seem like it has been that long. it feels like the things that happened last year were a long time ago. but in a good way. in the way that makes me feel good about my decision to stay away for a while, because it assures me that the rest of the time will go quickly enough, but that i will still have a good time. most people's reaction to this is 'of course you'll have a good time! you can say you lived in the uk for a while' etc etc. but far away from the things i love and know, i am not sure what people do with their lives. when you can't txt a friend to come around, when you don't know where you're walking, starting to feel guilty and grow anxious when you have no plans for the day. and gradually, it seems less and less like there is a point to making plans, to seeing things, in talking to people, leaving one place and going to another. just wanna live in that one night forever, awake in the trees.

other relevant stuffs, in anticipation of our poetry poddy

um hello, emma cherry
"maybe I am a flood or a ghost / but I've laid your heart out on the front lawn / and here I'll watch him weep"

ladies & gentlemen, vicki tingle
"how do you really 'know' / if you have made a mistake with a bro / when all bros just resemble other bros"

seems link i never read anything of frank hinton's before now, but mega <3 for that story

gabby gabby get it gurl

crispin & ben nailin it

& the other blog post i've been drafting for a while is a giant list of infinite thank yous to people i have met over the past 3 months, those who let me stay with them and so on. sort of magical beings, beautiful people, who i would gladly repay with similar kindness.

i am beginning to think 'f' instead of 'th' and speak sometimes with upwards inflections, it is weird,,,, but that is how the girls speak here and i promise you, i am one of those

day in review 01/02/12

2012-02-02T15:28:00.003+11:00

I wake up an hour before my alarm goes off and stay in bed with my laptop. When my alarm goes off at 9.30, I get up and make toast and coffee. I put on music and I sit outside in the warmth and eat my toast. I have a cigarette with my coffee. I have a shower and put clothes on. I am wearing denim shorts and a blue collared shirt with my red backwards cap. I work on my zine a bit and talk to Susie via skype. At 11am I get a bus that takes me to New Lynn, this costs me $1.60. From there I get straight on a bus to K'Rd, this costs me $4.40. When I arrive on K'Rd I go to Alleluya cafe and order a soy mocha. I read 'Richard Yates' by Tao Lin and write in my notebook. At 12.30, Alice meets me at the cafe and we talk and drink coffee for an hour maybe, then we go to the Hare Krishna restaurant for lunch. Afterwards we walk around, go to some bookstores, and both end up buying Richard Brautigan books. We say goodbye and I go to my bus stop. My bus comes at 3.25pm and it costs $3.30. There are lots of annoying schoolchildren on the bus. I arrive at work and spend three hours cleaning things, petting cats, etc. My boss offers to give me a lift home b/c he is a real cool/nice guy. We talk a lot in the car about animals mostly, and I feel positive about things. I get home and Hannah is making dinner, just a whole bunch of vegetables with garlic and ginger. I eat the food and it is good in my belly. Our other friend comes over and we sit in the living room, talking. I put on some Drizzy Drake and work on my zine. At 10.30pm, I skype James. During this time my friends call out to me from Hannah's room b/c there is a huge ass bug flying around and they want me to catch it and put it outside. I manage to do so after a series of unintentionally hilarious maneuvers. We skype until 1am. I try to sleep but I can hear a mosquito flying around in my room. I turn on my light and try to find it but I can't so I just eat half a snickers bar and then fall asleep.

people i met at a party last week

2012-02-01T05:30:00.000+11:00

emily andersen
real nice girl from melbourne who was hosting the party, used to be the gm of express media. just a chill gurl living her lief in london. felt nice to be able to gush about melbourne things. goss goss. emily had a nice dress on and those cool stockings with the seam at the back. she insisted we all watch the final of celebrity big brother and in doing so taught me about feminism and having crushes on 19 y/o boys..!

tim
flatmate of emily. had like salt and pepper looking hair. seemed like an ok bro and persisted with dancing at 4am. at one point tim was talking to this other guy about being in love with a girl who didn't know. the other guy was saying that he should just go for it. but tim was saying he couldn't, maybe. and then marz said that by being so single-minded about a girl he could or would never tell meant that he was closing himself off from potential. she gestured around the party at this point. tim seemed a bit quiet or down. but mostly he was doing the dancing good.

marz
that night, marz had a sore throat. she was struggling to make herself heard by most people. one of the first things i heard her say was 'ben cousins'. she taught me about 'new kids on the block' and made me feel a bit gen y by dancing to it saying 'how can you not know this bit!!'. she had a cool outfit on and told me she works in tv and worked on noel fielding's new show and noel fielding said 'i know it's not your job but.. i'm dying.. would you please go get me a yorkie' and marz said 'i don't know what that is' and noel said 'just go to the shop and ask and get 2'. marz went to get them - they are chocolate bars - and returned and noel said 'the other one is for you, you can't work on my show and not know what a yorkie is'. at another point in the evening she was talking about a car crash she had in a suburb of melbourne i vaguely know. i nodded wisely like a lil aussie owl when she said the suburb and she went 'yeahh, you know'. she had a really big car crash there.

caroline
caroline had 3 tones of brown in her hair. or maybe 2 browns and a blonde. either way it was like one of those hyena haircuts. she had spotty tights on and an accent that was so wonderfully suburban aussie, just like she will never lose it and i envied that. she is doing work for gumtree at the moment but back home was working in publishing. she had good advice to offer about things. i don't know how she knows emily. she ended up making out with john!

patch
some people have lovely eyes, but then there are other people that have normal eyes which manage to be more beautiful simply because they are earnest eyes. i feel like patch had these wide earnest eyes going on. his teeth were too big and square but he smiled with them in an eye-matching way. at about 4am i went outside for a cig and he was there, i had sort of wanted to be alone with him in a normal way, not the devious way, but just to see what patch had to offer. it was a v cold night that night and he said something about how he was going to go for a walk and i mumbled something about solitude and he said it was ok. then he started talking about winter aesthetics, how he studied aesthetics at uni i think, and the shapes that the branches make in the sky. and i said that i thought the reason that skylines in the uk are so grey is because all the trees have no leaves. probably i led with 'ya'll need more evergreen'. and he said that bare trees are more beautiful because you can see the shapes. maybe some other things too but i was shivering so i went indoors. after that conversation patch sat on the couch with his hands on his eyes, txting and swigging from a bottle of gin occasionally.

john
said he works at 'forbidden planet' and that sometimes they have to close the store down for famous people to go shopping. said he worked in a pub near mt isa in queensland, essentially in the outback. he said during this time there was not much to do and he grew very bored, but read a lot and did a lot of running. i liked hearing about this type of solitude. in australia there are a lot of tiny dots of towns and i sort of grew up around a bunch of them and the idea of a uk bro ending up there sort of amused me. he said he was used to warm climates, though, because he actually grew up in south africa.

3 girls emily used to work with at a charity
one of these girls was irish, from cork. i just kept thinking 'lol cork' and 'why do irish accents sound a bit american'. she had a piercing through one of her nails, which seems utterly ridiculous to me and like it would get in the way more than simply having long nails would. one was a shortish blonde girl with glasses, who seemed pretty sassy and by the sounds of it, seemed like maybe she was from cambridge. she amused me. the other was wearing a pair of boots that i had considered buying. we all had a conversation about education systems and teaching. i have had that conversation a lot of times now and i like to take part in it.

ryan
emily's other flatmate. a tall ginger sound engineer from melbs. i didn't actually talk to him but i was pleased by the melb hipster vibes he was radiating. i could see he was wearing bonds undies, which made me feel more nostalgic for my country than australia day ever could. [although today i realised that seeing the date 26th january written as a mere date made me feel strange, guess we always write it 'australia day'].

2 girls with long black hair
one of these girls looked up when the first train started for me. i was told their names but i couldn't hear over the music which seemed to be going quite loud despite it being past 5am. it was really sweet that both of them said 'it was nice to meet you' to me when i couldn't even be nice enough to ask them again what their names were.

super beautiful girl who i decided would be my lezzie 'end of the world'
this girl spoke at me across the room and said 'cool ring, where'd you get it' and i didn't know how to explain myer to her so i just said 'a department store'. she suggested i wear it upside down so when i am greeted by dignitaries the owl eyes will be looking at them in the eyes. she had long black hair and delicate features.

first five swims of the summer

2012-01-26T18:25:00.006+11:00

1. corsair bay, christchurch

the water was real cold, but we stayed in for ages, out in the deep. there was a cool pontoon thing (is 'pontoon' the right word? i keep saying it out loud and it doesn't sound like a word anymore) which a bunch of teens were hogging but they all jumped off when me and alice hopped on. yeyeye. jax and alice are good swim buddies. lots of cool dogs in the water too. one of them was standing on the shore for ages while their owner swam out and then decided he missed him too much and swam a really long way to get to them (that happened right, i didn't just make it up?).

2. muriwai, auckland

bloody love murawai, could have stayed in the water for a long time but my ears started to really hurt and i had to go in. had to dodge a lot of boogie boarders. v. pleased at the variety of crackers/dips supplied by my friends on this beach trip.

3. abel tasman national park

a well-deserved swim as we were walking back from our campsite carrying heavy things and stopped for lunch at a lil beach with lots of rocks. james took ages to 'go under' and i got annoyed and kept splashing him. don't be a bloody wuss. some kayakers went past and wolf-whistled at us. i don't think we were doing anything 'wolf-whistle' worthy or anything.

4. hokitika beach, hokitika

the west coast is pretty wild/unsafe to swim in. we went to two other beaches in the area and wanted to swim but decided it was too dangerous. we read somewhere that only "experienced swimmers" should swim at this beach. i'm probably not an experienced swimmer but i'm pretty used to swimming in rough surf waves. i think we were only in for a little while because it was so rough and the tide kept trying to pull us out. it was really nice and refreshing though.

5. lake mahinapua

we woke up early one morning, went straight to the wharf and jumped into the lake. it was kind of gross b/c i wasn't sure how deep it would be and when i dived in i touched some dank, slimy mangroves. it was okay when you weren't touching them though. it was a really beautiful place to swim, there were snow-capped mountains and things. afterwards we ate honey and banana sandwiches up on the wharf.

best gigs of 2011

2012-01-23T17:50:00.005+11:00

sufjan stevens

venue: bruce mason centre
went with: xinia

good: just a real good show, really cool video projections and backup dancers and idk sufjan nailed it

bad: susie and zoe couldn't come b/c it was sold out

campus a low hum

venue: flock house, bulls
went with: zoe, susie

good: seeing transcription of organ music lying down in the grass in the sunshine and the other time with 15 or so people in this really cool old building as the sun was setting, drab doo riffs b/c of phat dancing, sharpie crows, toro y moi, wet wings, others..

bad: nothing i can think of

deer park and dear times waste

venue: wine cellar
went with: petruschka and hannah

good: i have many good and bad memories reclining in amongst the couches at the wine cellar watching bands but this was definitely a good one. red wine happy haze. good in my earholes.

bad: i had work early the next day

the gladeyes

venue: the gladeyes' flat on cross st
went with: hannah

good: got p. drunk and talked to lots of good people, was a fangirl and got gwen from gladeyes to sign my cd and got a pic with her, danced, just felt real nice

bad: the last gladeyes show ever, threw up in public

how to dress well

venue: third and social
went with: mel, laura, hannah, xinia, pet

good: hanging with ma gurlz, tom krell is a babe, suicide dream 2, emoshunal as heck

bad: really bad dj after htdw, saw tom krell smash a bottle of champagne in the street like a diva (maybe this is 'good' idk)

guitar wolf

venue: lucha lounge
went with: sam, matt, louie

good: i rate this gig just because i had a lot of fun, had a real good mosh (who am i...) and got kicked in the face twice by crowd surfers. punkass/rock dat shit. also funny old ass japanese punk guys.

bad: occasionally having to pretend to be interested in sports or gaming via hanging out with dumb boys

haiku

2012-01-22T15:29:00.002+11:00

in a dream i reach out to touch you
and the texture of your skin is
the surface of a lake

the mid-morning sun that streams
through my window does not feel
as good as your body with mine

stumbling outside with coffee
i take a cigarette between my fingers and
i watch the smoke move all around me

together
we put our hands into oceans
and rub the salt water into our skin

sitting on the steps
i feel the shapes of my memories change
like shadows and moving light

your hands
are the only thing that keep my body
from incorporeality

i never remember anything else
but the sensation of skin with skin and
the scent of you

the last 5 times i went to the cinema

2012-01-21T03:58:00.000+11:00

'girl with a dragon tattoo', odeon in camden town, london, uk

i went to see this because i needed to pass some time. it was the only thing on at the time and i was worried i wouldn't like it. but it was pretty good and i got to see daniel craig's bum which pleased me more than i realised it would. generally daniel craig's essence was enjoyable, also a surprise. there were a few pretty horrible rape parts in this film and a lot of rape talk. there was a satisfying conclusion and nudity and motorbikes. snow and smoking.
snacks: chocolate chip biscuits from m&s, beetroot, parsnip and sweet potato crisps from wholefoods
level of sexiness: high, multiple sex scenes - some good, a few rapey

'the artist', the cornerhouse in manchester, uk

my cousin made me see this film. it is a silent film that is currently being 'critically acclaimed' i think. it had similar music to 'citizen kane', which isn't always enjoyable for me. it was loud. i thought it was making interesting 'statements' about the film industry. i told my cousin i didn't really connect with it but have since wondered if that's because i didn't find anyone that attractive in it. but it was a pretty cheesy story. seemed like the director deliberately chose people with big mouths so their facial expressions would convey more emotion. there is a really talented dog in it too.
snacks: none
level of sexiness: pretty low ya'll

'the descendants', BAM in brooklyn, ny

my friend caroline said she cried reading both the book and seeing the film of this. and george clooney is in it. these are two good things. i got a cupcake and took myself to see this film on a sunday night so i felt like i was 'doing something' instead of just staying in. i have tried to explain the plot of this film but it's not a very exciting plot, just a 'family drama' sort of, set in hawaii. i have been thinking that sometimes the most effective plots are not the ones with the most twists or whatever. in this case that is a true fact. the very VERY end when the credits roll.. i had a lil teary then.
snacks: pre-cinema cupcake, water
level of sexiness: um.. it's effing george clooney. though kissing or sex to speak of. but the daughter is a bit of a honey

'twilight: breaking dawn', palm beach gardens, fl

saw this with jacob's mum and her coworker. i had watched the 3 previous films in bulk over thanksgiving. i think the strongest aspect of twilight is the sense of angst and romantic torment that these films convey. bella and jacob had a lovely wedding. i confess that i have a fairly huge lady boner for young robert pattinson in spite of his eyebrows. these films are rubbish and unmemorable.. but i am totes team jacob.
snacks: none
level of sexiness: omg. edward is so hawny he smashes the whole effing bed around bella. get involved.

'drive', cinema nova, melbourne, aus

me, stacey and ziggy went to see this one afternoon in my last week in australia. the cinema was pretty full and we had to sit away from ziggy which was pretty lucky for him because we gushed about ryan gosling like the whoooole time. he is a full babe. just so manly in it.. bryan cranston is in it and he is truly a king amongst men. we sat next to a guy who was doing really amusing reactions, you know the guy. it has good music.
snacks: none
level of sexiness: dat elevator scene.. maaaan.

summer

2012-01-19T19:31:00.004+11:00

list of cultural activities undertaken over the last 2 months

2012-01-17T22:23:00.000+11:00

USA
American Museum of Natural History, NY - pretty legit, lots of dinos and animal displays 8/10

Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), NY - where I discovered my love for Monet 9/10

Museum of Sex, NY - lotsa nekkid bodies and porn etc. gettin that lief education 8/10

NBC studio tour, NY - 8.5/10

Brooklyn Museum, NY - went on a 'Target Free Saturday' and people were dressed up in 20s gear to celebrate a current exhibition. big ole reproductions of architecture from different parts of america ie freaky empty houses 7.5/10

Museum of the Moving Image, NY - saw Jim Henson exhibition & lots of old ass cameras/radios/tvs. real legit. also has a white ass foyer. 10/10

Metropolitan Museum of Art, NY - real intimidating amount of things at this museum, only went because spencer madsen told me to. worth it though, saw some cool old armour 8/10

The UN, NY - we had a Peruvian tour guide. he had a real cool accent. he inspired me, Emma and Caz to change the world 10/10

Guggenheim Air & Space Museum, DC - lots of airplanes/spaceships, saw a wright brothers plane. had a supreme hangover whilst visiting, so only like 7/10

also in DC I went inside the Senate, which has museum-esque qualities, and a whole bunch of memorials and things

additionally went to the 9/11 Memorial & accompanying exhibits

Empire State Building at night time - is smaller than it seems in 'Sleepless in Seattle' but a worthwhile thing to do. except for make sure you go at night to avoid crowds. 7.5/10

UK
National Museum of Wales, Cardiff - pretty nice, learnt some stuff about lava and the earth but the exhibitions were kinda old 7.5/10

Quarry Bank Mill, Manchester - seems like it has a lot of money put into it, there were heaps of old machines. it was kewl I guess. 7/10

People's Palace, Glasgow - full of arbitrary exhibits, largely not working. makes up for strange exhibits by being in a real nice building 6/10

Riverside Museum, Glasgow - heaps of touch screens and real nice cars. kirsty got me a lil penny with a motorbike on it. bought a neat tote bag 8.5/10

marble eyes

2012-01-17T20:01:00.001+11:00

the moon was bright and i could see your face above mine and i thought maybe the sun did not set but i walked outside and said, "the moon, the moon!" and we looked at it, how it illuminated the landscape and our bodies, putting our heads together saying "wow wow wow" and feeling excited about the moon and the night and each other and how these were the only things that mattered at all

i'm back

2012-01-14T17:23:00.006+11:00

today i arrived home and found an envelope addressed to me and in it was just this polaroid

feels nice to be back at the shack, swept the pathway outside and listened to records all afternoon

tonight i am going to try to convince my friends to come to a dolly parton covers night with me

i will post more about summer tizzimes when i am not so tired/sad

just bloody sad mate

yoohoo

2012-01-12T03:54:00.004+11:00

experiencing a trajectory something like cardiff --> liverpool --> manchester --> glasgow

want all my shoes to look 'noncommittal'

"notes from national museum of wales
old ass fossils from australia
like how lava works, it's like earth's innards coming up to say hello
um... woah... @volcanoes
'life confined to the sea'
subtropical tizzimes ~300 mil yrs ago
hey lil dino
dank ass mammoth robot"

just want to look at monet for the rest of my life, such a legit painter

head spin via bathtime

idea for a zine: ode to tescos

woman on the bus has a wig on

top 5 2011 things

2012-01-02T12:20:00.003+11:00

1. antipobros
2. working at bird rescue
3. the shack
4. hands like mirrors launch
5. writing a lot of poetry

2011 was a bomb ass year

also hi i'm in wellington, it's nice here

1 follower

2012-01-02T11:37:00.001+11:00

wake up feeling like i want to abandon all ideas of having a 'career' and start a bakery or dessert house

in my possession: 6-7 books, 6-7 notebooks (2 full, 1 in use, 4 unused), 1 2012 diary, 2 digital cameras, phone, laptop, ipod, clothes, 2 balls of wool, 4 crochet hooks, 1 pair knitting needles, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 scarves. makeup. £200 cash.

feel like i want to write a collection of short stories about travel, but i wouldn't even want to read that maybe

just cut short a panic attack as i have work in the morning

get heavily invested in a mini series of 'great expectations' / "the agony of a broken heart is exquisite. you want to die but you just keep living, day after day" - miss havisham

wondering how you felt that night

begin to understand how fully you can miss a place, start seeing the next couple of months unfolding in europe,

but it always feels like i'm here, writing

remembering airport desperation

feel bemused by liberal and serious use of terms of endearment in couples

like having my tea made without people asking me how i like it, feels nice to have someone else in control of that

getting good at listening to old people via all the people who live in my auntie and uncle's village

just thinking that 'dishwater gray' - specifically with an a, not an e - really describes my emoshuns right now

want to be reading but to not have my eyes doing the reading

vivdly transport myself back to mundane 2011 things like rummaging for my student card in my bag to get into the lab at uni or looking out for the bus on johnston street

international text messaging

trying to count to 30 in french to get to sleep, no way of knowing if i got it right

welsh accents...

btw

2011-12-27T20:33:00.003+11:00

merry xmas from the shack

day in review xmas 2K11

2011-12-27T00:38:00.000+11:00

woke up at 7.30am with a tummyache and realised i had a txt from steaky asking to skype early so i hid under the covers and did a sneaky convo with her. had a nice chat, felt a bit weird about it being the end of her xmas day though. went back to sleep and got up properly at 10.30/11. skyped my family. missed my lil sis a bit. my cousin made us a small portion of scrambled egg which we decided was a 'scrambled egg canape'. drank some prosecco. did presents about 12pm. i was happy cos i crocheted hats for miriam and steph (girlfriends of my cousins) and they both liked them. got a few bits and pieces. began helping make the christmas dinner, peeled carrots, parsnips and got the brussel sprouts ready. hung around watching telly and pencilling things into my 2012 diary. aladdin was on. singin in the rain was on. dinner was ready about 3.30pm. was tasty. ate a fair bit. had a break in between dinner and pudding where we just watched more christmas tv, i think. oh we all got really sleepy and i went upstairs to listen to 'blue christmas' by first aid kit and write sentimental things in my notebook. then it was puddin time. it was lit on fire cos it had brandy on it. kewl. basically dinner took about 6 hours. we had the pudding at 6pm then we watched more tv, more 'top gear' than i feel comfortable admitting. then we played a cool game that miriam knew which lasted for probably 2 hrs. then we had champagne jellies and cheese at probably about 9pm. theeeeen we watched the new ab fab episode which was really funny. watched a 'man lab' christmas episode where they were trying to make it snow. went to bed. couldn't sleep so went on facebook and had a chat to fraser. was nice to chat with dat guy. pretty good day, except for it felt like it lasted about a million days in one, i'd give it a 7/10

day in review 25/12/11

2011-12-26T11:43:00.002+11:00

woke up at 7:15am and had a piece of pb toast and checked internet stuff. drove 20 minutes to get to work at the cattery where i met my cattery cohort. we both rubbed our eyes and made loud grunting sounds to indicate that talking was not a thing via tiredness. there were lots of cats in the cattery, maybe 25 or something and i mean it's a pretty good way to start my xmas morning because i really like cats. a cat called tilly scratched my hand, a cat called titus attacked my leg and left scratches on it and a cat [whose name i can't remember] bit me p. bad when i went to give her medication. lil shits. was in the cattery for about 3 hours, cranking solid gold fm all the while. drove to my parent's house to have a shower and get ready. mum was really stressed out about everything and me and dad were a bit scared to go near her. got to my sister's and she was real sick in bed, real bad b/c it is my niece's 1st xmas and she was really excited about it. i drank beer and played with the baby mostly and then we ate food which was a++. more family came and we ate more. got real real into dat pav. opened presents, got some money + underwear + socks + a field guide to nz birds which i geeked out on for the rest of the day. helped my bb niece, nova open all of her presents. my sister bought her a book called 'whose poos'. skyped my aunty and little cousin in sydney for a bit, drank more, called some friends, talked to family, played with baby, ate more food. then most of the family left and it was just me, my parents, my sister, her boyfriend and his dad. drank 'champas' and listened to some sweet beats until my mum was like 'what is this...' and put on steely dan. was going to see my friend off at the airport but she got the time wrong so i couldn't and then i felt sad but maybe okay because goodbyes are dumb anyway. got into a fight with my dad because he was drunk and being a dick. standard family gathering stuff really. ate more food and then went back to my parents. all up i drank 3 beers, 2 red wine and 2 champagne. welcome to xmas day family-related boredom drinking. skyped susie for a wee while and did internet things. didn't want to go out b/c i was tired and had work early the next morning so i just read my book (today and tomorrow by ofelia hunt) for about an hour and then went to sleep.

maybe 7/10 overall

my 2011 life via tweets/retweets (part 2)

2011-12-23T16:36:00.001+11:00

august

chewing air waves chewing gum as a distraction from crippling loneliness

My Top 3 #lastfm Artists: Pavement (84), Sparklehorse (19) & A Tribe Called Quest (12)

sitting on my floor by the heater listening to Julie Doiron is how I always want to be

can the doctor who theme song be played at my funeral

september

just opened the TC article "How To Be Happy" and closed it 3 seconds later

"how you get all dat ass in dem jeans" is a thought I think almost every day re: nothing in particular

imagine if ricky martin was in coldplay

feel like my new sweater validates my existence

any social situation where it is okay to wear slippers

the world is scary, gonna eat a brownie

october

typed "reasons why i don't want to die" and below it typed "hummus"

RT @zacharywhalen: i'm worried about people who i don't like liking me

already had 4 cups of tea today, life is bloody nuts

ctrl f the words 'bloody' and 'mate' in my inner monologue

today i showed my work colleagues how to do a 'tim-tam slam'

november

dank ass emoshuns

i want to record the sound of rain and always be listening to that in my headphones

friday night action twitpic.com/7fowgx

RT @madisonlangston: sex and the city and beer forever

december

i don't understand why everyone doesn't wear backwards caps all the time

told a friend me and other friends were going to see 'how to dress well' and he earnestly asked if it was some kind of conference

too much socialising, need to spend all weekend alone in my room reading and watching gilmore girls

RT @spencermadsen: so much of being human is doing nothing

@feeeeeeel baby move your butt butt butt

life things

2011-12-20T21:07:00.003+11:00

i think the reason i haven't been able to write a lot lately is because i feel too 'in' things/life, i am finding it hard to step out of my body and look at things i am experiencing

is it wrong to want detachment?

all i am doing is the things i am doing and other than that, trying to distract myself from the implications of these things

thinking about boys

the other day me and huna were in her car and she said something about not thinking anything at all at that particular moment and we paused and then both starting rapping to a biggie song

a lot of the time when i go to write something i just try to describe what it feels like to be in my body and how that relates to things in my head

i just watched grey gardens and i cried twice

i made a xmas card for my boss at bird rescue, it has a picture of a bird on the front, is that too obvious

there are a lot of things i need to do and none of them are particularly unpleasant but there are just a lot of things

i like cats the most out of all the things

read an interview with Haruki Murakami in the newpaper and he said "If I'm taking a walk and I see a cat, I'm happy." then i cut out the picture of his face that went with the article and stuck it on my wall

tonight i feel like there is a tiny animal inside of my chest

things are about to change i think

explosions in the sky: best gigs of 2011

2011-12-17T17:26:00.002+11:00

going to go a series of 'best gigs of 2011', starting with a gig i went to last night

- more good/sweaty memories from the kings arms, they never check ID so i spent a lot of my underage ass time here
- at the bar asked for 'the cheapest red wine', cute bar guy seemed to 'get' it and not judge me, felt cheeky
- me and xinia discussed the lack of bar peanuts etc in new zealand, this is always in movies, how do we not have this
- the sweat factor was palpable, the heat, combined with the wafts of marijuana made the room unbelievably dank, it was just so dank..
- walls and walls of sounds comin' atcha
- i thought it was cool how they just went from one song into the other without really stopping/pausing for applause but it made people really confused about when to clap
- they have 3 guitarists, p. unbeatable
- spent time focusing on each member of the band individually to see what they were up2
- reached euphoric heights during 'birth and death of the day'
- sometimes just closed my eyes and let my body move how it wanted to
- they played for an hour and half but i felt unaware of time as a thing
- i wasn't aware of much else apart from when this guy stood next to me and kept looking at me, step off, trying to enjoy music here bro/also kept nearly tripping over this guy's bag which was down on the floor
- just really good musicians who know their shit, which is real good to watch
- really want to hear them play sitting down in a field somewhere
- managed to skillfully avoid all people i knew at the gig, seemed like a plus, sorry it just seems like an awkward place to run into people, when the music is really loud and you are trying to be like SO HOW HAVE YOU BEEN LATELY
- stopped in at the petrol station where some jock bro asked us if we had been to eits and said it was 'fucking sick aye'

btw, around the 5:25 mark is when euphoria happened

FL

2011-12-17T09:33:00.002+11:00

(belated ass post, sorry jake)

- driving around town a lot, listening to various 90s rnb, but also rihanna and lmfao
- bucky the dog
- hot ass weather (coming from DC anyway), having to buy a new dress from h&m
- first wholefoods experience
- trivia on wednesday with jake's friends taylor (?), regen and her mum, failing at all the sports questions
- watching 3 twilight movies with jake's mum (2 on dvd, 1 at the movies)
- talking to jacob's family about australia
- stealing leftover halloween candy from near the front door
- watching country music channel
- listening to country music in the car with jake's mum
- jewish vibes
- watching macy's thanksgiving parade
- thanksgiving foods: sweet potato pie, green bean casserole and stuffing specifically. mmmmmm

- going out on thanksgiving night and talking to a girl who went to australia, promptly hating her because she said sydney was like america
- lolling at super buff shirtless guys dancing upon a ledge
- feeling strange about people smoking indoors
- going to the beach to make zines and just getting sleepy and walking around a bit
- annoying jacob by not posing/smiling in pics
- walking down fancy part of palm beach, people smelling really nice (read: expensive) as you pass them
- impressive houses in palm beach
- sweaty feet
- making peanut butter cookies with regen at her impressive ass house and eating snacks by the pool
- sunday night poetry reading in boca feat. jacob, me, dave greenspan & gregory sherl. was p bemused by how drizzunk gregory sherl was. thought dave was a genuinely nice guy and swapped some hlm with him
- driving to miami, checking out 'design district' which turned out to be just a long street with a few interior design stores and cafes with valets, but having nice chill tizzimes on south beach watching ferries go out
- secretly letting jacob say 'mates' in a silly way
- getting sick on the last day, forgetting to eat key lime pie =(

london

2011-12-16T10:05:00.002+11:00

- british airways having cushy ass seats, wondered to myself whether i had accidentally been put in business class
- always getting seated next to slags on planes
- gasping openly at shit going down in the midseason finale of gossip girl (watched via laptop)
- getting into heathrow at 6.30am, 1.30am ny time, having to spend 1.5 hrs on the tube getting to ellie's place on zero sleep
- spending sunday napping at ellie's
- watching hours of christmas cooking programmes with her nice flatmates
- going to westfield, inc first visit to topshop
- pretzel & smoothie samples
- feel bleak about london being expensive
- hanging out on brick lane with my cousin olly and his girlfriend
- noodles
- help ellie make truffles on tuesday for her christmas dinner with her mates
- expensive covent garden cupcake
- have beer in an establishment with crispin
- get more beers and walk around/across river with crispin
- visit m&m store
- at some point listen to a tim & eric song in the middle of the street to clarify lyrics of 'doo da doo doo'
- ask strangers for cigarettes
- crispin's impressive tesco antics
- ben lives >10 min away from ellie, take wine to his place
- nora the dog
- walking to the park to see if we can see meteors but it being too cloudy so just doing talking
- ~3 foxes in the park
- rolled down the hill a lil bit
- got tripped a few times by bennie, a bit muddy
- falling asleep watching 'i love you man'
- buying an egg & cress sandwich for the bus to somerset, vaguely considered being impressive about it

the met

2011-12-16T05:48:00.002+11:00

egyptian art... so refined. my fave is the jewellery
1800s graffiti found via spencer madsen. feel astonished by how much of Egypt's history has been displaced

european art/medieval treasures
ornate italian dip/triptych
feel like i'm just looking at some rich people's stuff, but i do love a good tapestry
i should like a snuffbox, feels real 'gilded'

in contemp. american art some lady says 'i could do that'
feel angry b/c she doesn't understand 'flat colours'

chinese travel poems (asian art)
beautiful landscapes
'rivers & mountains without end'
funny that japanese & chinese artists were doing beautiful, simple & sparse paintings/drawings on long ass scrolls while in europe things became grotesquely gilded & such

[feel so weary / concentration lacking]

flute/oboe, also walking stick, made from narwhal tusk. wtf m8

european paintings... lol u guys, just chill out
yo it's the pearl earring gal

old ass swords, sharp lookin
idek what to look at

hometime - just thought 'tatts me out of here'

brooklyn diary 7 & 8

2011-12-14T03:16:00.000+11:00

day 7

this day i woke up, wrote postcards and readied myself to go to the Met. this was an intense decision. the Met is HUUUUUUGE. i knew i wouldn't be able to see it all and remain sane so i decided that there were things i wanted to go see specifically and i ended up walking through assorted exhibits because i couldn't find the things i was after. the trajectory was like this: egyptian art/artefacts, , european stuff (like knick knacks and interiors), contemporary art.. then i got to what i wanted to see: asian art , musical instruments, a detour through european paintings (frankly i got a bit lost in this part) and finally armour and weaponry. saaahhh cool.

then i went back to 3b maybe, i can't remember. yes. i did. i had a lie down and watched parks & rec. then i got cheap ass dumplings for dins. and then i went to meet up with brodie at the union pool. anton and his lil bro oliver came along with oliver's friend ainsley who was actually staying at 3b too!!!! we drank coopers and chatted about various things, then went to kellogg's diner to have late dinner. it was nice to hang out with aussies (and anton's boyfriend). farewells at the train station..

day 8

this was a boring ass day because i walked around looking for presents and a post office failing at both of these things. biggest success of the day was buying a cupcake from a place called 'butter lane' where they were playing jens lekman. and getting on my plane with little fuss.

now i am in england. yaaaaaayyyyyy.

a room of one's own

2011-12-11T19:22:00.007+11:00

my room is an important place to me. it is where i feel the most comfortable, a place where i don't have to be anything other than what i am.

in this picture:
- tao lin art
- zine collection
- a picture from national geographic of a huge ass zen garden (one of my favourite things in my room)
- pic of a t-rex from a zine i bought in chch zine fest of found images
- a pikachu hat
- a polywhirl my friend recently gave me
- all of the makeup/beauty/hair products etc i own = 1x deoderant, 1x make up remover wipes, 1x mascara, 1x 'curl definition' anti frizz serum, 1x sunblock, 1x hair dye 'red passion', 1x hair brush
- various knick knacks inclu. swan that holds loose change/hair ties/bobby pins, knitted tram, bow tie
- daisy chain i made in chch and pressed in a book hung up on the wall

old photo of hat wall, there are new hats now

my mail wall, makes me real happy to look at

'shelf' displaying various zines/chapbooks, made from a broken picture frame i found on the street and clear fishing wire to hold them against the wall. made this because i have a lot of books but i never get to see them in my bookshelf etc

the window next to my bed, i like to feel the morning sun

what i do on sunday nights: listen to comforting 90s music, write blogs, write bad poetry and eat horrible pasta

brooklyn diary 5 & 6

2011-12-11T00:49:00.001+11:00

5

this was a funny old day, as m'colleague gemma used to say. woke up and it was raining and i didn't want to go anywhere at all but i went for a walk into cobble hill. had a conversation with a lady in by brooklyn, my first one in days. wanted to get coffee and make zine somewhere but couldn't find anywhere i enjoyed so i got the train like 2 stops to park slope and sat in kos kaffe for a couple hours. went to century 21 in bay ridge lol and bought a coat. felt like giving up on life. was super drained from doing nothing at all. had dumplings and a pork bun for dinner, this cost me all of $2.25 whaaat. the lady seemed perplexed when i told her i wanted to eat in the restaurant. came back to 3b and found this book called the 50 best places to find peace & quiet in new york. read that cover to cover and found things to do the next day. had a cuppa. had a conversation with the girl from texas who was staying in the dorm too. nice gal. she used "ya'll" in a singular sense which amused me. more talking. talking feels strange because most of the time i'm alone. but also in the dorm at the moment is a nice italian girl. so we talk about what things we have done each day.

later that evening spencer madsen called me. we arranged to hang out and walked through miserable weather to a pizza place first, then a cool ramshackle bookstore then had a drink at some bar i don't remember the name of and then we went to the brooklyn inn which was super cool. spencer is a nice chap. real good tizzimes. um then i came home and went to bread.

6

another weird day, as i did not feel like doing anything. but i decided i would trust the guide to finding peace & quiet and went to this place called 'poet house'. prior to going in, i had a sit by the hudson river in this nice park, writing some stuff. in poet house they have an extensive library of poetry anthologies, independent chapbooks, literary study books, general interest poetry, poet biographies.. so much goodness. there were heaps of couches and cushy chairs. when i entered the guy was like 'you gotta sign in, oh i like your ring' and i felt happy and he said there was an 'amazing exhibition about emily dickinson' and guess what, he wasn't lying, it was so cool. a bunch of letters she wrote. real things that she touched.. apparently emily d loved to press flowers, and in another book i learnt that there's only one 'authorised' photograph of her. so reclusive.. i read a book about poets/writers and their houses. nice work, poet house.

after this i was hungry and i didn't know what i should do for lunch so i dithered, looked in my guidebooks but they failed me so i just went to the wholefoods cafe as there happened to be one nearby. go wholefoods. i considered doing some other weird activities but ended up going uptown to central park to suss out strawberry fields, which is the john lennon memorial. when i got there, i saw a huge crowd and heard singing. turns out a whole bunch of people just congregate there and sing beatles songs there. i'm sure it happens daily. they are all huddled right on top of the mosaic that says 'imagine', which is slightly inconsiderate i think but i guess beatles fans probably appreciate it. lots of people were singing along with the people who had brought their guitars. it brought a true smile to my face but i couldn't stand it for long and left promptly. my other central park thing i wanted to see was the statue dedicated to alice in wonderland. people kept climbing onto the mushrooms of the statue to get cute pictures with her. i wandered back down to the subway and got a train to soho, where i wanted to check out another thing from my peace & quiet book, a walter de maria sculpture in a gallery in soho. the sculpture is called the broken kilometer, and is essentially hundreds of brass cylinders lying on the ground in this giant ass room, but it really takes you away from the bustly streets of soho. nice.

i went downtown to meet jacob steinberg at the world trade center memorial. we had made plans to do this when i stayed with him at thanksgiving. the site where the towers used to be has been made into this plaza with trees and two giant square fountains set into the ground. these are lined with names of people who died on september 11, corresponding to the appropriate tower - the fountains represent each tower. it was pretty striking at night, as in addition to the fountains being lit, they are building 3 new towers to surround this plaza and one of them is half built and is the brightest tower on the manhattan skyline. and everybody likes a good water feature. jacob and went to the holiday market at union square to have a look round then to wholefoods to grab some dinner. it was nice seeing him again, felt like i had a proper frand. we walked around some streets near nyu and then i came home.

2011 in tweets and retweets (part 1)

2011-12-10T14:48:00.001+11:00

january

curly hair liberation

my life mainly consists of driving other people's cars, eating chips/dip and cats in general

RT @and_susan: "I'd like to show him my lower Manhattan" #satc

RT @tobiasbrockie: when people shorten january to "jan" it just makes me think of middle-aged women with short hair

feb

pasta for two for one

calling winz and singing the hold music when the guy answers #shamebro

RT @anikainpink: e-you and e-me.

oh man, crying so bad RT @CheeseontoastNZ: 6.18pm: PM Key confirms 65 dead

i just thought 'stir fry and laurie' #gchatconversations

march

RT @linguish: wanna wrap myself in the internet like an oversized hoodie

Uh! I'm a nice dude, with some nice dreams #dropitlikeitshot

actually had a dream where i was scrolling through my twitter feed

my job title is "Avian Rehabilitation Assistant" #legit

today my grandma said i should "play the field"

i just thought "what is this strange sensation on my legs" and then i was like "oh, i'm wearing pants"

april

not good at "irl"

@and_susan re: my new baby niece: "FRESH LIFE"

RT @holiecrap: hey guys get with the program this isn't ice hockey this is life

alarm went off at 6.45am and i immediately thought I H8 LIFE whilst trying to avoid pillow drool

a danger to society whenever i ride my bike

may:

let's just pretend i haven't spent the afternoon listening to phil collins songs on youtube

RT @crispinbest: drinkin some coffee-ass coffee

RT @and_susan let me come to a foreign country so i can go on the internet with you

"i wish we could do a friendship montage of us" - @and_susan

listen to nothing but 90s r&b

thought "wow, this person has exactly the same taste in music as me!" whilst looking at my own last fm profile

june

RT @and_susan ok i just spent the entire day on effing tinychat

open @sweningsings in browser

i cuddled a swan today #hehe

seems like everything is going to be okay when i have my hot water bottle

when i say i'm "writing poetry" i mean i'm sitting in silence, staring into space & barely typing for 45 mins

july

been listening to nothing but this mount eerie album for about a week

how am i a thing

live tweeting Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls with @sweningsings @and_susan http://twitpic.com/5v20li

RT @spencermadsen: livetweeting being alone in my room

considering the merits of waking susie up by playing "i wanna fuck you" by akon

JQ254 CHCH to AKL

2011-12-09T18:09:00.003+11:00

got a window seat, never get a window seat because i always have to pee so i choose an aisle seat to be less annoying to other people

as we took off i watched the water droplets moving on the window and as we moved through the clouds i felt nice

below me the clouds are like mountains and i want to spread my arms as wide as they can go and jump out onto them yelling 'woo hooo' really obnoxiously

feel kind of ill as we are ascending and why aren't there any barf bags wth

imagining the plane falling out of the sky and me still calming reading 'selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee' by megan boyle

i like megan boyle, she seems funny and cheeky

they are serving shepherds pie it smells horrible

i can feel the sun

always regret drinking coffee before i get on a plane but i never ever learn

bloody hell i am actually in the sky, seems fucking crazy

sitting in the window seat makes me more aware that i am actually in a metal box in a sky but it makes me feel kind of good, like feeling really positive about nihilism or something

lil cloud city, where are the care bears

there are actual mountains below me omg why is the world so beautiful hot damn

i put my headphones on to listen to two sparklehorse songs, 'sea of teeth' and 'apple bed', the lyric at the end of apple bed is

'i will feel the sun

i will feel the sun

i will feel the sun coming down'

a guy sat in the empty seat next to me and ordered a can of pepsi, step off bro

bomb ass window seat

kind of just staring out the window thinking about death a lot, somehow not morbid

air hostesses must struggle to maintain their online presence

just went to the toilet and it smelled like noodles, in a good way idk

i always plug my ears after i press the flush button because it is loud and alarming

remember telling alice and jackson this and alice saying 'what if you flushed the toilet while you sat on it' and i said something like 'butt suction'

shame aisle seat suckas

pj harvey says 'i can be your fog'

looks like i am approaching mordor re: red/black ominous clouds

think the way they say 'mordor' in the lotr films is really funny

could not control my laughter while reading this line in megan boyle's book: 'when i think 'dave eggers' in my head it's in the same tone of voice jerry seinfeld uses to say 'hello newman'

definitely going to download the soundtracks to both the charlie's angel films when i get home

what part of new zealand is this, where am i, i feel concerned

oh we are in auckland now

i have never seen auckland from this angle, lookin' good babe

cool i didn't die

morocco

2011-12-08T18:36:00.002+11:00

the other day i received 'morocco' a poetry chapbook by matthew savoca and kendra grant malone

i really liked it

i read it in my bed and then at the beach

i read some of it out loud to my friend xinia

i read the first two poems out loud in front of my computer

buy it here

brooklyn diary 4

2011-12-08T02:45:00.001+11:00

woke up and dithered for a while. ate raisin bread pudding for breakfast. i like that pudding is a legit breakfast food at 3b. seriously their breakfasts are so great everybody has to stay here if they go to ny. i feel like it is affordable and pretty close to the cit too. wanted to purchase headphones before going on the train to astoria so went to bestbuy in the city and got sennheisers for $32.50!! (this is more than half the price they are in australia.........wtf). did some other moseying around shops before getting train to astoria. feel like i'm nailin the subway by now thank god. got a slice of pizza for lunch on the way to museum of moving image. astoria seems nice, sorta quiet.

museum of moving image.. i lingered for so long reading everything about how tv technology works (just thinking of that scene from willy wonka the whole time tbh) and looking at old ass cameras and tv sets. all the cameras & tvs looked so beautiful made in wood. i enjoyed that. the museum had heaps of fun activities for kids, you could dub your own voice over scenes in movies and yea heaps of fun stuff. the chief reason i went was because they currently have an exhibition on about jim henson and the muppets. i would have liked to see more actual muppets but i learnt a bit more about jim henson as a guy, turns out he made a few experimental/progressive films in the late 60s (well who didn't) but they showed some clips from a few of them and they were pretty funny. the muppet sense of humour and all that. he also made silkscreen posters and did other printmaking when he was in college. really dug it. then downstairs they had stuff about 'behind the scenes' and there was makeup used in the film 'sex and the city 2' which made me laff. there was also mrs doubtfire's masks, bodysuit and a costume she wore. also costumes from chicago. then there was lots of merch. historic merch from like 1914. crazy. then there were videogames. i played a few levels of sonic. the entrance to the museum, btw, is this really amazing white. the stairs were so white. stunning white. so great. this museum is highly recommended. only $9 if you're a student, but a must for media/comms students i feel. just walked around it thinking 'god i love tv/movies'. left and popped into salvos near the subway before heading back into town.

got a burrito for dinner and chilled for a bit. chatting to new arrivals in my dorm. considered going to a poetry thing in the evening but decided to go to an entertaining lecture thingy about the russian revolution in williamsburg. this was a good idea. it was v funny and reminded me of things i had studied a while back. the final person who spoke talked about the development of the cyrillic alphabet. he knew a lot about language and was pretty funny, but didn't try too hard to be funny. i felt good that i was learning and having a good time. left feeling real stimulated, still pretty on point.

brooklyn diary 3

2011-12-07T15:20:00.001+11:00

woke up and GUESS WHAT I'M TIRED!!! ate more tasty breakfast (frittata and apple crumble) and thought maybe i would go back to sleep but decided to battle on and get up and start my day. figured i would go to moma because it's one of the only things open on a monday (most other galleries/museum in ny close on monday just fyi errybody). got the subway to manhattan and felt good about being back in the city. omg australians/melbournians: they are building a pieface on 7th ave just up from times square.. walked past where they film letterman. arrived at moma. free coat check. coat check was intense, rows and rows of coathangers with numbers. key in a number on the machine and then your stuff comes back to you. never seen that before yo. and the art was even more mindblowing.. (see unedited moma notes post) just had such a great time. so many people there on a regular day, couldn't imagine what their free fridays are like. started to get hungry and lethargic and didn't want to spend big $$ on food at moma cafes. left feeling supremely good about life.

decided to walk down 5th. went into st patrick's cathedral to have a sit down as i was v tired from walking around moma for 4 hrs. had a sit and wrote a lil thing in my notebook. felt pensive in the church. it was warm and hushed. people should go in churches more b/c nobody questions what you are doing plus it's pretty kewl architecture and nice lighting. left just as a service was starting lol. stopped at rockefeller centre because there was some big ole projection on a building opposite, i don't remember what it was, probably some department store. it was cool anyway. there was this one bit where the projection matched the windows but then the windows fell away and the crowed went oohhhhh!! the christmas tree in rockefeller plaza was lit up and people were skating below it, and the top of the ge building was covered in clouds. felt christmassy for the first time and generally happy. kept grinning at everything.

went in some stores. saw a really nice jacket in esprit. really wanted to purchase it, but this could be because i experienced the first genuinely good customer service in nyc. taken us 4 weeks to get there!! but also it was an awesome jacket. got the L train to williamsburg with the intent of having awesome meatballs on bedford ave for dinner but figured i should try different food so i went to dumont burger and had a chickpea burger and an irish hot toddy. came back to 3b and did some reading, went to bed. wooooooooo

moma notes

2011-12-07T13:53:00.000+11:00

the dream & sleeping gypsy - rousseau (studied the dream)
starry night - van gogh (all van gogh quite beautiful)
georges braque
cezanne (so dreamy, so nice)
matisse
demimoiselles & three musicians (& analytic cubism.. omg)
mondrian
states of mind - boccioni
duchamp lol

kurt schwitter

chagall
4 panels - kandinsky

feel i may weep in front of a monet

russian supermatism
the bauhaus?

really did not anticipate getting this much joy from moma
mondrian...
persistence of memory - dali (aka melting clock painting, totes really tiny)

want to go eat my banana in the bathroom
lawrence weiner, removal exposing wall, reminiscent of art at dear patti smith

lichtenstein
warhol
i still use brushes - aman
'assemblages'

no 10 - rothko
bacon
one: 31 - pollock

beaming when i recognise a painting, full on grinning at art

hanna wilke
literary paintings - marcel broodthaers (conceptual belgians)

i got up at... - on kawara (postcard series)

--

what happened to design in this country? feels like it just stopped =\
love seeing early german/austrian design esp utensils/glasses - can see where today's design comes from

--

andré breton
sol lewitt drawings
eva hesse =)

lol.. wtf is fluxus

more gross stuff than usual happened to me today

2011-12-06T18:16:00.003+11:00

- got garbage juice on my leg whilst taking out the rubbish

- there was a cockroach crawling on my arm while i was at bird rescue, felt like things were crawling over my skin for ages afterwards

- held a duck whilst my boss picked a thick layer of crusty dead skin off the duck's head and when she peeled it off you could see a bit of the duck's skull, real real brutal (but it heals better that way) (also only objectively gross, i get used to seeing stuff like this)

- at the cattery there was a weta that one of the cats had bitten the back off of and when i went to put it in the bin it was bloody alive, felt like a comedy of errors trying to pick it up and put it outside

- pickles the cat was sitting on my windowsill looking at something for ages and then i saw him jump out the window and gobble up a mouse! was more proud than grossed out

- came home and hannah had something in the oven which smelled nice so i put it in my mouth but it was not good at all and made me want to vomit (sometimes she makes weird austrian food)

- generally saw more gross bugs and spiders than i usually see idk

brooklyn diary 2

2011-12-06T13:31:00.001+11:00

allowed myself a sleep in, ate delicious breakfast of baked eggs and bread pudding (3b... dmw) then got a bus to williamsburg to check out the waterfront flea market. it turned out they move the market under cover during the cold months, to somewhere in fort greene. which is funny cos it's closer to me. anyway it was fine cos i wanted to go to some galleries and hang around w'burg anyway. sat by the waterfront for a while and enjoyed city views across the east river. found myself writing things in my notebook next to some girl who was drawing/writing in a notebook. hope she wasn't weirded out by this. was a super nice day to just walk around the pier etc. wandered back to the streets with a vague intention of hitting up the other beacon's closet location. needed to pee and felt alarmed because usually when we were together, and caz, emma or i needed to pee, we would just hit up a starbucks. i felt like my chances of finding starbucks in williamsburg were rather slim, though i did come across an american apparel. took a chance and went into some gallery and accidentally missed the turn to the exhibition space, ended up going upstairs where there were obviously studios and found a toilet. had to pee in the dark b/c the light wasn't working but overall a successful mission. had late lunch at cubana social. ate at the bar and read my book which is the newest obernewtyn book (will only have relevance for australians) and the cover looks like some dumbass fantasy novel. not that it's not fantasy, but i probably should have stopped reading the series by now. but i need to know what happens in the end! felt amused by eating alone at a place called 'cubana social'. beacon's closet in williamsburg is better.. bought a leather handbag of some brand. went into some 'vintage' stores, general nice stores. really got the williamsburg vibe this time as opposed to last time when i thought it was just a bit bleargh. got the bus back downtown.

had a lie down. felt pretty strange when i awoke. i was hungry and i got a cupcake from robicelli's at dekalb market and i didn't like it as much as i hoped i would because the 'frosting' was too synthetic. walked to BAM to see 'the descendants' which is a film that made my friend caz cry. it was a really good movie and george clooney is still looking mighty fine. if you need to go to the cinemaaahh then this is what you should see because it is both funny and moving. afterwards i got a piece of pizza from a place called 'not ray's pizza'. i walked back into downtown and got a burrito for real dinner and ate it back at 3B. then i read. obernewtyn is getting good. i tried to sleep but there were people in the common room thing watching snl and playing music very late into the night, i don't know what time, and i was too hot in bed so i couldn't sleep and i became anxious that i was going to be tired.

brooklyn diary 1

2011-12-06T13:29:00.001+11:00

got up and ate breakfast silently alongside couple from DC and mum & daughter team. felt like i should have made conversation with them but was pretty sleepy so failed at this. decided not to go back to bed despite sleepiness. went to the mall at atlantic ave to look for an ipod cord and some headphones in bestbuy. didn't buy any. walked towards beacon's closet in park slope. bought shoes. checked out various shops in park slope all morning, felt like it was akin to northcote via there being lots of hip looking couples with children. bought 'vintage' looking postcards. had soy latte + banana muffin in some coffee shop then decided to walk towards prospect park. felt happy cos there was some sort of market on at the grand army plaza. felt amused by grandeur of the monuments on the arch. sat in prospect park watching and wrote a letter. it was pretty sunny. kids were playing. i was amused by them. grew cold and went into the brooklyn public library, which is an equally 'impressive' building. looked up some books about jean rhys that i have considered purchasing. read introductions to a few of her books. best one was a collection of letters she wrote. decided to walk back to where i'm staying before it got dark and before i decided to buy things.

had about half an hour back at my place chatting to stacey then went to get dinner at dekalb market. thoroughly enjoyed viewing various stores in shipping containers, but didn't actually enter any because they were intimate looking and i was too hungry to pretend i wanted to buy handmade stuff. had some filipino chicken on rice for dinner. got excited because i noticed robicelli's cupcakes have a store there. considered getting cupcakes but instead got mini donuts. went to macy's to see if they had apple stuff because for some reason i really don't want to buy an ipod cord that is not apple (oddly enough don't feel too annoyed with myself for brand loyalty) and seriously considered buying a handbag for ~$70.

came back to b3 and skyped fraser and looked for things to do. decided to go to the brooklyn museum to their late night opening. people were dressed in 20s clothing via the current exhibition, american art of the 20s. there was a big band (not size, like the style yo) playing in a big ole hall. the brooklyn museum had a really varied collection. there was egyptian and 'near east' art. i only looked at the near east stuff (which is like persia and turkey etc) because egyptian stuff weirds me out plus i have seen a lot in my time. then i saw some feminist artwork, stuff by eva hesse and then this giant installation called 'dinner party' by judy chicago which was really impressive and i learnt about different feminist/women who were progressive before feminism was a thing. i kept thinking that my friend gordon would really like it. also that it seemed like a really good date night. i looked at some contemporary american artwork and looked down at the people dancing on the lower level. people were having fun and the band was really good, i was filled with joy. then i went to look at these recreations of early american architecture which became pretty freaky. empty old rooms, totally weird. impressive, but weird. from there i went into this exhibition called 'hide/seek' which was about the way identity and sexuality have been represented in american portraiture. there were a lot of portraits of authors and poets, like frank o'hara, allen ginsberg, gertrude stein, susan sontag and some more. they also had a bunch of those andy warhol screen test films. there were lots of brooklyn-y looking people at the museum and then interspersed with hipsters were people in 20s getup. nice juxtaposition. i grew tired after my day of walking and decided to go home. smoked a cig then got the subway home. watched 2 episodes of snl because i felt sad that it was on and i wasn't able to stream/watch it.

christchurch things

2011-12-05T20:34:00.001+11:00

- \mn/ (hang loose)
- singalongs to solid gold fm in alice's car
- led zep
- surf rock
- pulled a hammy dancing to piha rescue
- zine fest rad cool times
- first swim in the ocean
- more bogans than i have ever seen in my life
- log cab livin'
- book fridge (fridge on side of road filled with books you can take, i took 'the ultimate sandwich book: over 700 delicious sandwich creations')
- corduroy
- backwards caps
- corduroy backward caps (!!)
- nice people
- did a poetry reading
- mostly ate bananas
- gin and ginger beer
- salty hair
- synchronized naps
- feeling real real emotional seeing 'the red zone' (seemed weird that it felt like a tourist attraction)
- picnic in the botanical gardens
- pretzels and peanut butter
- getting excited about seeing different types of ducks
- goat puns
- went on a 'zed' binge after seeing the drummer at a cafe
- did a ustream, rocked out to some club bangers
- hot chips on the lawn
- sweet friendship

travel poem #1

2011-12-03T09:43:00.001+11:00

my head rests on different surfaces
hitting strange pillows
but full of the same things at the end of each day

Christchurch

2011-11-30T12:16:00.005+11:00

Tomorrow I am flying to Christchurch

I'll be there until 5th December

Going to do all these things plus I have a stall at the zinefest. I will be selling this zine that I just finished plus all my others.

Get @ me Cantabrians.

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

83

2011-11-24T21:41:00.001+11:00

i feel translucent

carved out like the inside of a pumpkin

propped up by pillows

i cannot feel anything else

in my headphones

i am listening to the sound of rain

wanting to slide so far down into my bed

that i can no longer see any light

later, in a city street

resting wearisome limbs over wearisome limbs

we speak of things

with breaths shallow and urgent

words like water that wanted to return

to oceans, rivers, lakes

our bodies together

defined by the negative spaces

i say that

touching you is like putting your hand through smoke

creating waves upon waves of echos

then

something about

skin deflated

the tree above us sheds its leaves

we feel them on our jackets like tiny pins

there are palms pressing upwards into spines

whispering into your neck

"there are some things that i will keep forever"

later, the sensation of needles

DC

2011-11-23T07:41:00.001+11:00

Washington, DC is the capital city of the USA. It is a very clean and impressive city with lots of greek inspired buildings. On Friday morning I went to Capitol Hill which is that round building with a statue on top. A rude man greeted us at the door and I had to throw out my water bottle even though I emptied it. We went on a free tour of the building with this strange, jaded man from Florida. There were lots of statutes of people who were important to the development of the country, like former presidents or generals or benefactors. The round dome, which you can actually see pretty much everywhere in the city, has a mural in the top of it. It's a really big painting. The whole thing was very spectacular. After our tour we went into the senate and also the house of representatives. There was more happening in the house so we stayed there for a little while and listened to some reps talking. They did a variety of speeches. One man introduced his speech with a passage from the bible which bemused me and Caroline. In both the senate and the house of reps, above the presiding senator (or whatever) it is written 'In God we trust', which made me feel a little ill. That night we went to a reading of people from Caro's MFA program. The reading was good and afterwards Shaun Gannon, DJ Berndt and Will Bechtold arrived. Jess Dutschmann, Michael Michael Motorpsychle and Jae Dyche were also at the reading, among others. There was a dance party upstairs and we had a bit of a dance and chatted and got to know everyone.

On Saturday Caroline (Caz) and I woke up early to go on a walking tour of the National Mall. This is where a lot of the various war memorials are. The guy who took the tour was called Tim and he said he used to be a guidance counsellor. We walked behind the White House and then towards the Washington Monument, learning lots of things about various presidents as we went. One thing that I started to pick up on was the pride that people have about this country. When we were at the WWII memorial there were some veterans from that war there and our guide was really reverent and kept talking about how amazing people who served in wars were. This intrigued me. All of the war memorials were giant and impressive. We spent a lot of time learning about how the Vietnam war memorial was made. There was a national competition to design a memorial for it. The design was chosen anonymously and turns out it was designed by a Chinese-American architecture student which is amusing because of the whole 'Americans hate Communists' thing. We got to go to the Lincoln memorial which is the big statue of Lincoln sitting down in like this tomb situation. The weirdest memorial was the Korean war memorial which was 19 statues of different ranked military peoples next to a reflective granite wall with laser etched faces of people affected by the war. This wall seemed odd, like it would date badly. There were wreaths at this memorial. Apparently the Korean ambassador puts a new one down every week to thank the American people for their sacrifice. We headed back to Caro's place to get ready for the ustream that night. By get ready I mean we watched a lot of shows on A&E, which apparently used to stand for Arts & Entertainment but now they just show Hoarders, 'I work in the sex industry' and other things of that ilk. We were having a good time being incredulous about the people involved in the show, but on the whole most of us felt rather lethargic and not ready to be interesting for our internet public.

For me, it was the most proper ustream I have done. It was my third one so far and it was the largest. There were about 10 people reading and I didn't know everybody's work so it was interesting to hear things. Beach Sloth wrote a really good rundown of proceedings. Highlights for me were when Megan Boyle rapped 'gettin jiggy with it' and the second piece Shaun Gannon read. I felt nervous when I read the first time but the second time when I read Stacey's dinosaur poems I felt happy and connected to her and people in the room because it was received well. We finished the reading by playing 'My Love' by Justin Timberlake who is a gorgeous man and a wonderful dancer. Then we got changed and went out to a bar. DJ tried to do an Australian accent and it sounded more like an English accent. I did an American accent and impressed everyone with how authentic it sounded. In hindsight it seems really silly. We did some dancing and it was pretty fun. My favourite part was when they played a Smiths song. DJ and Shaun are really good dancers too. We went home and ordered a pizza and ate it ravenously then went to sleep. The next day we were going to try to go to a museum.. there are lots to choose from in Washington, probably close to 10 Smithsonians on offer. We chose the Air and Space museum. We were all really hungover/tired and felt horrible walking around trying to be interested in the development of air and space programs in this country. That evening we watched two movies that I had never seen before: Twilight and Wedding Crashers. Twilight was really horrible and bad but now I want to watch the other films.

Carolyn DeCarlo is an angel of a human being and was so sweet having me and Caz stay with her. I had a really good time with her and other internet lit people. I wish that I could see them more because they were all super nice and entertaining. I also enjoyed being out of a big city and walking down quiet streets in DC, felt chill. I actually learnt a lot more that I cannot recall off the top of my head. I am also building up this picture of America and like their 'national identity' in my mind via different experiences of the country. Now I am in Florida with Jacob Steinberg for a week which will encompass Thanksgiving, which I have never had before because it is an American holiday. HOW EXCITING. I think I will learn more while I am here.

the upper east side & then some

2011-11-18T10:22:00.001+11:00

our host was this lady named michelle. michelle has a small, grey, fluffy dog called 'pee-wee'. this is an apt name because he often peed/did small poos on the floor. a lot of people on the upper east side have dogs but they all live in apartments so you see them on the street a lot. people take their dogs for walks in their pyjama pants which i thought was nice given that it was the posh upper east side. it is weird that so many people treat their dogs in this way, taking them outside only a few times a day, and not everybody has small dogs like michelle. and even still, it is weird keeping dogs cooped indoors all day. apartments in new york are usually pretty warm because of pipes that go throughout the whole building, so air isn't fresh and all the smells stay in unless you open windows.

monday was spent mostly in the american museum of natural history. it was a really cool place that most people might recognise from 'night at the museum'. it was really cool and huuuge and you gotta allow a whole day to experience it. there are some disturbing things about it like the fact that a lot of the animals in cases are taxidermy. weird. it was a good experience though. our feet hurt a lot by the end of the day.

we started buying breakfast from a nice bagel shop on 86th. i had jelly and cream cheese on mine which was pretty delish one day and my first experience of calling jam 'jelly'. tuesday was an unexpectedly legit day. we went on a tour of the UN and learnt about its role in international relations. i think we all felt a bit empowered by possibilities afterwards. our tour guide was peruvian. i want to roll my Rs like he does. lunch we used my zine guide of nyc to take us to this japanese place called menchanko tei and it was just what we needed, filling but not grossly and felt good for us as opposed to all the mexican and pizza we'd been eating. that evening i went to long island city to catch up with my cousin and go to a free comedy show. i felt like i mastered the subway. the show itself was pretty good. we had some beers then went to flux factory where they were having a birthday party for somebody. sam only wanted to stay for one beer but we ended up having some shots of rum and dancing around the kitchen. there was this one guy dancing really awesome and he had a beard and i asked sam if he was married because that's how i enquire about people's marital status. he was very tall and dancing in short fluoro green shorts and a salmon pink polo tee. that is not why he was attractive though. idk. he was ridiculous and uninhibited, i think that was attractive. i had not eaten dinner so i ate 2 donuts that were on the table. they were really delicious, cinnamonny things mm. we kept trying to leave but having conversations with people instead. i talked to a nice girl from canada and told some of the flux artists who i saw speaking last week that i liked their artwork. 'this charming man' by the smiths played and we got excited about english music being played then i said it was definitely our last dance and then we walked to the subway. i met the girls in the city and got pizza on the way back to our apartment. i was a bit drunk and kept exclaiming about how crunchy the pizza was.

we had a big sleep in yesterday and woke up around 12pm and went to katz's deli for brunch. we ordered a pastrami sandwich, philly cheesesteak and cheese blintzes to share. it was all pretty good, but the pastrami was the best. katz's is overpriced. it wasn't too busy. it was raining a lot and i didn't have a raincoat or an umbrella so my jacket got quite damp. we split up after brunch (which was in reality a v late lunch) and i walked to a nearby salvation army thrift store. they had no fitting rooms so i could not try anything on. i walked back into soho to check out a wool shop, stopping in other pretty stores on the way. i walked past some nice looking galleries on west broadway. i like a lot of things about soho but i felt as if i looked too much like a drowned rat to go into many stores. the wool shop was a dream and is actually the store of a blog i read sometimes, the purl bee. emma came into the store while i was there, purely by coincidence. i thought she had already been there that day. we bought some wool and then went to meet caroline at mcnally jackson bookstore. we had a sit there for a while as our feet were very sore plus we were cold and wet. then went to hampton chutney co for dinner. we all had dosas which looks like a giant pancake with fillings of indian varieties. very tasty and filling.

we went home to get gussied up to go to a zine launch that brodie told us about. there was a long line at the zine launch and we smoked cigarettes to have something to do in the line. we saw tao lin walk to the front of the line and get right into the store. we played a game that i know called 'end of the world' which is where you look around you and work out who you would sex if the world was going to end in five mins. we made it inside and drank syrupy red wine. brodie and anton were leaving as we arrived. it was nice to see them, however briefly. inside we bought a copy of the zine and stared at tao lin a bit and spotted ryan o'connell who writes for thought catalog. occasionally i overheard people saying '....tao lin' it was funny/weird. we went for a drink at a bar called botannica. the girls were drinking spirits so they got a bit drunk. my drink in nyc was 'brooklyn lager'. i felt weird in botannica. i suggested we leave to get second dinner or go to another bar. we went to a bar i had noticed after the sunday night comedy. it was called 'the scratcher'. lots of the people from the zine launch were there. there were more good looking people there than at the other bar and we played 'end of the world' again. we decided to go outside smoke the last cigarette that caroline had and also talk to emma's end of the world boy. instead, we struck up a conversation with his friend, jackson. jackson said he worked for the third best art auction house in new york. i was interested in this. he was from tennessee. we got a taxi uptown. caroline and emma called their friend laura who is doing student exchange in arizona. we ate the same pizza that i had eaten the previous evening. again, it was really good. we each had two slices.

i woke up around 6am this morning and felt awake enough to do some emailing and other internet items. we had to leave the apartment to pick up tickets to our bus at 9am. caroline woke up, we said goodbye to sleepy emma and we were organised enough to get to port authority by 8.30. it was too early and we were bored and tired. it was cold today so everything was misty and looked grim out the bus window. we talked about how things seemed rundown as we were driving out of nyc. the bus journey took 4 hours. it was cool seeing more parts of america. as we drove through baltimore i kept thinking of that song from hairspray. we got to DC and carolyn decarlo picked us up and took us to her place. she lives in a really cool flat. she is an easygoing and nice girl, i think we will have fun staying here. she surprised me by saying that a lot of nice int lit people are coming over to her place on saturday night for a ustream. i got really excited and caroline said 'what's a ustream?'. we walked to get some food and coffee at a cafe near caro's house. caroline and i were both very excited to be out of nyc, which is a cool place, but its bustle became tiring after 10+ days of being there. it's nice to see sky and for there to be trees and less people.

so we are staying in dc for a little while now, going to do some touristy stuff but also have some chill time and hang with nice lit people. i think it will be good. i am hungry now.

spencer madsen style blog post about my day

2011-11-17T19:45:00.005+11:00

went to:

westgate aa
parent's house
sister's house
home
titirangi yoga centre

people i saw:

dad
kristy
nova
hannah
xinia
various other strangers

people i talked to on the internet:

james
sam

people i talked to on the phone:

read:

some of norwegian wood by haruki murakami
animals by janey smith - a chapbook i ordered from plain wrap press, an excerpt:

"from above, on your small bed, the spread out limbs of the full-grown blue-white polar bear seem to make the polar bear look like a snowy white star - the star bounces ever-so-gently around the walls of your tiny universe."

groove guide - only read this because sam wrote a feature article about the beach boys, laughed about a reference he made to their cameo on 'home improvement'

bbq by victoria durnak - a zine sent to me from sweden, contains lil poems such as this one:

pain performance

my bleeding heels turned away from you
as I rip off my blister band-aids in Central Park
but you already know my morning breath
that I sometimes throw up while walking and
that I smell like curry paste
on sunny days

'even the oceans' by sheridan mills - a zine feat. excerpts from chat logs, emails, streams of consciousness and things overheard etc, i found it kind of endearing, excerpt:

"i think tomatoes look sweet
i wanna kiss em"

'tender lines/tender loins' by leonie v. brialey - prob my favourite zine that i read, comics about various romantic exploits, laughed 3x times, laughed the hardest at a drawing of herself motioning to her crotch with a speech bubble saying 'hey boy, just get on this! it's hell good!"

watched:

the simpsons (the 'sweet sweet can' ep)
s1 e5 & 6 community

ate:

a banana
chicken croissant
cheese corn chips
cheese roll w/ butter
whittakers creamy milk chocolate x4 pieces
falefal burger

drank:

water, maybe 2x bottles idk
1x tea
1x beer

wrote:

finished a poem called '82'

listened to:

wtf podcast w/ bryan cranston
itunes spring playlist
yuck

notable:

sat my full driving licence test and passed
booked my flights to christchurch
got a message from susie saying she saw tao lin in nyc
whilst reading outside i saw a mumma duck and her ducklings in the front yard eating some grass and it made me feel happy
pulled a 'hammy' during yoga (jk i just like saying 'pulled a hammy' when i've been exerting myself physically)
during the relaxation part of yoga i felt like my body was melting into the floor
hannah called me 'wifey' after i made her dinner

probably going to read until i pass out

spencer's blog

new lynn bus station

2011-11-16T19:54:00.002+11:00

seeing people carrying around 1.5 L soft drink bottles in public

woman just got up and started 'shimmying' right in front of me, occasionally swearing loudly, it's 11.42am on a wednesday

she just yelled 'don't be jealous', and 'boy i can shake aye'

internal monologue: HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

interested in how each of the 7 individuals in this bus stop are ignoring this woman in their own unique way

my way is to pretend to be deeply engrossed in whatever i am typing into my computer by squinting my eyes slightly and occasionally mouthing words

she might have started singing 'golden years' by david bowie but probably not

she is currently in v. close proximity to me

internal monologue: please get away from me crazy dancing lady

homeless man making really succinct yelping noises at passers-by and making people feel extremely uncomfortable including me, even with headphones on

'smack that' by akon just came on my ipod

life is bloody hilarious

nyc notes

2011-11-16T00:42:00.001+11:00

times square

feel like there are so many strange (+ terrifying sometimes) people in the world. the feeling of being in somebody else's holiday pictures makes me feel weird. mostly fine but still not fine. not sure. do people even look at their holiday stuff again? ny seems pretty much as i expected.. or something, as i imagined it to be maybe. or seems to be as it should

g train

semi terrified of getting lost on the subway as per what happened when i was younger (note, i got lost on the tube in london). wondering occasionally whether me + [romantic interest] will do marriage. think i could. but i am v young. the announcements on trains here are still humans... i feel comforted by this + at least on this train i can hear them. feel a scary thing about this country is that anybody could be carrying a gun. hm. going to listen to the whitest music i can: coldplay

staten island ferry

feels like it would be an ok thing to do to be a parent, interesting to show them how to be a normal human + manners etc. i will need to have a partner with really good maners i think b/c mine are poor. love seeing how men get fatherly. for some reason this is immensely endearing and pretty attractive.

hunter college subway

'the network effect'. people seem to be combinations of more things here. like obviously there are just more people, ergo more cultures. in australia those things are very new so it's unlikely one would be a mix of more than one nationality.

museum of natural history

just really miss the boys, specific boys. sometimes feel pain because i am missing out on so much love. but museums + the planetarium will have their special effect on me, make me remember how small i am, how nothing. i guess i am someone to some people.. but the world is too huge.. overwhelmed by how much there is to know.

A thing

2011-11-15T12:56:00.002+11:00

My friend Sam is making a publication that you should submit to.

"The first issue is about Collections. If you have something you currently collect, used to collect, or really want to collect, we would like to hear about it. More specifically, I want to know about your personal relationship to that past, present or future collection. There's no word limit and no collection is too large, small, weird or downright pornographic to be considered.

The first issue will be going live early next year and submissions are due at the end of January.

If you'd like more information about the project, email samwieck@gmail.com and put your favourite David Bowie song in the subject line. Feel free to pass this along to anyone who might be interested."

horribly almost daily recount of nyc so far

2011-11-15T02:41:00.000+11:00

seems really hard to write enough about my trip so far & only like it will get more difficult

first night i arrived my friends were staying in soho. my face lit up when i saw the city skyline for the first time & getting the cab down prince street i just felt so happy... i was jetlagged and slept while my friends went to broadway. they got back at 2.30am and i was hungry so we went to get pizza. felt overjoyed that this was a possibility. was awesome because the pizza place we went to was playing really cool music like black keys and radiohead, then all of a sudden they played 'in my place' by coldplay which is one of my faves of theirs.

the next day we got a cab to our place in bed-stuy, which apart from being in a pretty rough area (for three white chicks), is amaaayzing and much bigger than the soho flat. we went for a wander around on our first day, caroline got a haircut in williamsburg, then we bought some groceries and made dinner in our place, watched some tv. wednesday we tried to actively go to places in brooklyn but we ended up doing a more thorough walk down bedford ave in w'burg which was quite enjoyable as it was a fine day. just fiiine. we had lunch at this really cute cafe called egg. i had a chorizo and egg sandwich, while the other girls had pulled pork sandwiches. we have been eating quite well and cheap, i must say. food is pretty cheap, even with tipping, which i am gradually getting used to. that evening we met up with my cousin sam in the city and went to this art opening in noho. there was free champagne. the artwork was really cool, a mix of sort of nostalgia & design. by this i mean there were really well crafted bows & arrows & necklaces & games. we had pizza for dinner at lombardi's.

on thursday we went into the city and did shopping. i bought an american apparel hoodie because i have always wanted one, but in australia they are nearly double the price they are here. we went to urban outfitters. i spent half an hour in a changing room line. that evening i went to have dinner with my cousin at flux factory. once a month on thursdays the 15+ artists associated flux invite their friends/family to come have a potluck dinner and some drinks, then hang around afterwards to hear some of the artists talk about what they're up to. i found this part very interesting. there was a danish guy who had sculpted this log and other wood into a working sculpture with which to make fried egg. a polish guy was making a zine about homosexuality in eastern europe and also researching a documentary about the polish artist natalia ll. it was a very nice thing to do. i got the train back to brooklyn with my cousin's friend meg and then a taxi back to bed-stuy.

friday we did more shopping. you can do a lot of shopping in this city. in the evening we hung out with some friends from melbourne, brodie and anton. they are really sweet and it was nice to see them, catching up about uni things and talking trash about the differences between americans and australians. most people are really nice, but sometimes it's just manners and not very sincere. other times it's sincere. like in brooklyn when we asked people where to go they were always friendly. and when i was trying to get to flux i clearly had no idea what i was doing and these policemen were like "where are you trying to go, miss?". anyway the bar we met brodie & anton at had like a foot of sand on the ground. they instructed us to go up to the manhattan inn. we went into a few lame bars on the way but finally arrived at the manhattan inn which was super cool and what we had hoped williamsburg would be all about. we walked back down bedford ave after a bit of a dance in search of food. emma was pretending that her scarf was an invisibility cloak. we had a lie down on a basketball court halfway back. then we went to this really awesome place called the meatball shop which was so fucking tasty, i think my fave thing i've eaten so far. i really like that you can walk around at 2.30 in the morning and proper restaurants are still open and serving food. when we got back to our apartment the other girls skyped their friend laura in arizona but i had to sleep so i hit the ole hay.

we woke up feeling totally sleep deprived on saturday and struggled to pack up all our stuff for our move to the upper east side. we managed to pull ourselves together and clean up the place. we left our luggage with the nice lady who owned our apartment and went to the brooklyn flea market. this was an enjoyable and easy thing to do when you feel very tired, plus we couldn't check into our new place until later that day. at the market i had some nice food, looked at nice vintage clothes and pretty design things. i bought my mum a tea towel that has brooklyn written on it. our cab driver to manhattan was really nice. he seemed like a friendly family man and pointed out interesting things in brooklyn as we drove through it. everything looks so pretty at the moment because it is fall and the leaves are changing colour.. it's lovely. and it hasn't been too cold which has made for some nice walks around brooklyn & manhattan. after we arrived at our new place we left our bags and went to central park. this was my first time seeing the park and omg it was so kewl. there were a lot of fancy dogs on the walk there, which is inconvenient because my general reaction when i see dogs is like "aww puppy" or "aww doggie" (via stacey) but i can't do this now because it happens too frequently. but it's cute because you see people walking dogs in pyjamas - they obviously live in the apartments really close by and need to take their dog out a couple of times a day. after our little stroll we came back, rugged up and went downtown to take the staten island ferry, which is freeeeeeee. it was really nice seeing the city skyline and being closer to the statue of liberty (miss libs). we had dinner then went back home to watch some sex and the city and chill.

yesterday i met up with marshall mallicoat who is a fine young gentleman. we met at grand central station (which is really freaking awesome btw) then i raced across town to go on a tour of nbc studios with caroline. i got to go inside the SNL studio which made me so excited. the page kept telling us that we were breathing the same air as chris martin because coldplay had performed there the previous night. so cool. all the studios had lots and lots of lights. the halls are obviously decorated for tourists because they have a lot of framed photos of tv shows and actors lining them. we saw the board of controls (or something) which is where they show everything that is broadcast on the network at any given time. they said that if something bad happens to this one on the east coast they have a backup system that keeps it broadcasting for a whole week without power. then we went to the new york public library and sat there for a while but it was closed. marshall came to hang out with us. we wandered around, hung at grand central some more, then went to madison square park to get shake shack, which was pretty tasty, but not mindblowing i must say, after all the hype i'd heard about it. after dinner we went to a $5 comedy show and it was really funny. this was an incredibly satisfying day.

so i have been taking other notes and will try to do more updates but it's really hard because we stay out all day doing things and then get home. sorry friends. i love ya'll

get happy fast plan

2011-11-14T13:58:00.005+11:00

my friend alice is making people 'get happy fast' plans

i said that what would make me happy is her cat simba and my (neighbour's) cat pickles nuzzling

she made this

:)))))))))))))

oh also the reason susie hasn't been posting is because she is in NYC
she is cooking up a big ass travel post though

spring

2011-11-12T16:45:00.005+11:00

when i think about writing a poem i turn off all sounds, sort of stare into space for a while and just see how it feels to exist inside of a human body. it is something like a distant humming, a vibration akin to pins and needles. my body is making the noise that my mac book makes when everything else is silent. this humming sound is produced by the movement of blood pumping through my veins and organs. sometimes this is how i feel after i have been drinking peppermint tea, or when i am in love.

i can feel my heart in my chest as though it is significant, as though it is not just pumping blood around my body but also feeling the weight of all of my actions and interactions. i think about people who have wrapped my body in theirs, like a sheet wound tightly around me. i have never felt so good.

all of this makes my body feel light, and i wrap my arms around myself to make sure i do not float away if the wind decides to take me. all the time i feel as though i could jump up into the air and be carried away.

it is getting warmer

soon the humming of my body

will be eclipsed by the sound of cicadas

soon pohutukawa trees will bloom

and i will shed my inhibitions like layers of clothing

soon i will drink a lot of beer

and kiss your mouth

day in review 1/11/11

2011-11-09T10:23:00.002+11:00

woke up at [some time, idk] spooning susie's teddy bear. went on the internet until susie woke up and then susie's friend jordan jumped into bed with us and we talked for a while then went out to get things to make for breakfast. we (mostly susie) made scrambled eggs and mushrooms with pesto. jordan was real stoked re: coffee and life. he left, and then susie left with her flat mate steve to get a new vacuum cleaner. i watched an episode of parks and rec and walked to go meet david on smith st. we got coffee and sat in carlton gardens. it is really beautiful there. then we walked into the city and got vegan cupcakes, walked around laneways looking at street art and tried to break into an abandoned building but were foiled by the po-po. then we met susie and went to a gallery opening and drank free wine. there was this performance art piece with a painted lady standing up in this bed, idk 'art'. afterwards we said our goodbyes to david and fraser picked us up and we went to his house and made this good ass stir fry. susie and i caught the train home and then curled up and watched crazy stupid love feat. our man ryan gosling. was a really terrible movie actually. but i've come to realise that almost any situation i'm in with susie there will be some element of laughter and/or merriment. we went to sleep at 12 or 1am or something.

cat reactions

2011-11-02T09:21:00.002+11:00

our reactions to the above videos:

wish we recorded a video of our reaction to our reaction video, bloody meta

airport

2011-10-30T21:49:00.002+11:00

i am hungover at the airport

going to throw up all over my blueberry muffin

kept a poem you wrote open in a browser

so i could read it without having access to the internet

which is right now

at the airport you have to pay $10 for 45 minutes of internet

the fuck is that about

just going to type words in text edit

listening to neutral milk hotel

and tapping my foot to keep my mind off

the throwing up thing

i feel nervous and sick

but i am happy

i am sitting by a window

i am warm and i can feel the sun

soon i will be in a different place

but i will feel the same things

i will never stop being who i am

and this is good and this is bad

do i have any liquids more than 100ml in my carry on luggage

during 'two-headed boy pt. 2' i want to sing out

because i always sing out when i hear it

i make my voice sound american

i sang out yesterday

when i was driving my dads car

and i thought of you being there in the passenger seat

and i wondered if i would still sing out

will i utilise the barf bag on the plane

beside me there is a fake fern bush

i touched it to see if it was real

it wasn't real

if i die in a plane crash

please publish this poem on my blog

Unbearable lightness/Saturday

2011-10-29T11:25:00.001+11:00

Unbearable lightness by staceteague

ustream

2011-10-29T09:31:00.000+11:00

"colleagues, confidants and all round bffs Susie Anderson and Stacey Teague will be doing a ustream at [those times below] feat. poetry, banter, giggling, coldplay and various antipodean antics

we will probably be really sleepy, might even do it in our pjs hehehe

if you want us to read something email one of these places

staceteague@gmail.com
susie.nina@gmail.com

melbourne, aus: monday 31 oct 9am
nz: monday 31 oct 11am
london, uk: sunday 30 oct 10pm
est: sunday 30 oct 6pm
cst: sunday 30 oct 5pm
mst: sunday 30 oct 4pm
pst: sunday 30 oct 3pm

will be here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/staceyteague "

facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=279187105455302

zines

2011-10-26T20:47:00.008+11:00

1) Chill Waves: Me, Susie and Zoe made this zine during and after Campus A Low Hum 2011, a music festival held in Bulls, NZ. Bloody gr8 times.
2) Subject #2: Thing I made with Sam, arts/culture thing. He designed it and I edited it. Basically just got all of our friends to contribute stuff. Also we got Nick and Sarah from Einstein Music Journal to do some things.
3) Subject #1: Don't know how I feel about these anymore, they probably aren't for sale unless you really want one.
4) Love zine: It's about love things. Probably my most personal zine.
5) People Are Just People: This zine contains content from this blog circa 2009 maybe, each page has a topic and then the corresponding blog post from both me and Susie.
6) Melbourne Zine: Wrote about when I went to Melbourne last year. For some reason people pick this up the most. Just a lot of silly in-jokes.
7) Bus zine: I used to catch buses a lot circa Oct 2010. Wrote about various bus trips I'd had. Probably my favourite zine idk.
8) Swimming in the wintertime: Most recent zine I made, re: Winter. Gonna make a whole seasonal series of zines.
9) Dinosaur zine: Zine containing all my dinosaur poetry plus other dinosaur-related things, comics, drawings etc.

Email me if you want any of these, preferably for swapsies or something.

staceteague@gmail.com

the forest for the trees

2011-10-26T20:12:00.002+11:00

what I wake up to every morning
the nicest thing

Spring 2010

2011-10-23T18:37:00.001+11:00

Found this itunes playlist entitled 'Spring Playlist'. I think I made it this time last year. It was an interesting time in my life and these songs make me feel like I am back at my flat in Avondale, sitting on the porch with 40 pages of exam notes, trying desperately to get my life together.

1) Hard Believer - First Aid Kit

2) All My Days - Alexi Murdoch

3) We're All In The Dance - Feist

4) Leif Erikson - Lotte Kestner

5) Audrey H. - Dudley Benson

6) If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out - Cat Stevens

7) For Emma - Bon Iver

8) Shyness Will Get You Nowhere - The Gladeyes

9) This Must Be The Place (Mount Pleasant remix) - The Bears

10) Agoraphobia - Deerhunter

11) I Met Up With A King - First Aid Kit

12) Waiting Around To Die - Townes Van Zandt

81

2011-10-19T23:05:00.002+11:00

walking home with red-stained lips
and a phone-light to see where i am walking
are street lights a thing

when i see the moon i almost fall over
all big and kind of orange
looming

the moon reminds me of things
whispering "i am nothing and that is okay"

i feel melodramatic
and laugh at myself
moving my hands over my face

hiding from the moon because the moon is big
and i am small

i am just a person walking around on a planet
and life is not inherently good or bad
it just is
i am not a moon or a star or a galaxy

i have the same value as a blade of grass
but i would like to be a blade of grass

the moon made me think
what does it really mean to know yourself

freckles on my lips and knees
instinctively letting my hair fall this way or that
scars and what made them
looking extremely sad on buses
dispositions

i can draw my own hands from memory

the moon is making the sky orange
the moon is leaking

it is cold
i press my body up against the wind
letting it kiss me

i've got my jacket on
hands in pockets

up on my tip toes

stretching up towards
the orange moon

bloody rugby mate

2011-10-18T11:38:00.005+11:00

i would be remiss if i didn't at least write a blog post acknowledging the rugby world cup because it's a pretty big deal here right now. the whole country has gone kind of nuts for it, i mean i know so many people that aren't interested in rugby in the slightest that are real into it now. my friends were watching the semi-final the other night in the lounge and they were yelling and cheering and i was like who are you even. last night this drunk ass lady started talking to me about how she was just really proud to be a kiwi via the rugby, she said that like three times, kind of freaked me out. idk, i feel proud to be a kiwi regardless of our rugby team winning the finals. surely our rugby team isn't representative of our value as an entire nation?

just the amount of flags around are really daunting, they are everywhere, on cars, houses, shops, fashioned into capes. it takes a bit of getting used to, as flags are traditionally located 'up a flag pole' and even then, you don't even really see that much. i mean i think nzers are real stoked to be kiwis but aren't really obnoxious about it except when it comes to sports, for whatever reason. i keep thinking about "being a sports fan", and feel like it isn't really a mentality i can get into to any large degree because i just don't care about winning. honestly, i would have felt the same way if australia won. australia is pretty okay. however, i do think it's nice how nzers are so into it and it seems to make them really happy that we did get into the finals. like i guess it would be a more bleak environment to be in if we lost. like i was in town the other night when wales had just lost the semi-finals and there were some welsh people around that just looked sad as hell. really felt for those guys. people seem to invest so much into this, especially because a lot of people have traveled from all around the world to be here.

going into the city is kind of overwhelming because there are probably 10x the amount of people. i have been avoiding wearing berets ever since i wore one the night that france was playing and got mixed up in a crowd of other people wearing berets and chanting what i can only assume was the french national anthem. just wearing it for fashion, chill out. but there is that sense of community and togetherness even though a lot of the time i am thinking "plz get the fuck away from me" whenever i see a swarm of rugby fans coming towards me. before the rugby world cup millions were spent on cleaning up the city, especially the waterfront, and it makes things seem foreign. the other day I was walking around and felt like a tourist because there were so many new things and so many people it just didn't feel like auckland. felt kind of cool though.

the game itself i don't know much about. basically i've never watched more than 30 seconds of a rugby game in my entire life and i'm not going to start now. i've got a good thing going here. i've never really been exposed to rugby like most other kiwis because my parents are into league so I've watched that. rugby is very similar to rugby league, i feel one can safely assume, just how they differ is not really my area of expertise. there is this wikipedia page explaining the differences but i mean i couldn't really get through it. pretty sure there's more kicking in rugby and something to do with a scrum. how weird are scrums, like i don't even know how that is a thing. so people pass the ball to each other and try not to get tackled and to get points they put the ball across the goal line or whatever. in the finals nz are playing france. i'll be watching doctor who on my laptop or something. tell me how it goes.

ustream

2011-10-18T10:30:00.001+11:00

just so you know we are going to make up for the fact that we didn't do a podcast in september by doing heaps of fun video/audio things (read: a ustream) when we are together from 31st oct - nov 7th so please get excited and maybe continue emailing things to us to read

staceteague@gmail.com

susie.nina@gmail.com

thank you darlings

few reasons why melbourne is effing legit/my weekend

2011-10-17T22:39:00.000+11:00

my friend daisy was part of this show that opened at 1000 £ Bend on saturday night so i went there with my other friends tilly and murray. the show is really good. i was so proud. i ate some cheese and looked at pretty boys and art. then my pal zoe arrived, we left the show, got a tram to her house, buying some lil cans of rekorderlig cider (which now comes in 7 flavours, i'm told) for the journey. steph, zoe's old housemate was waiting at zoe's for us with a roast chicken that she bought for dinner from coles. we were delighted. jean, a current housemate of zoe's, offered to drive us to a gig.

we ended up going to the grace darling on smith street in collingwood which i was secretly pleased about because it is a short walk home for me. we entered the bandroom and there were about 10 people onstage singing acapella and it was totally beautiful and i just felt like i had walked into something immensely special. the song was 'lord i am waiting' by inland sea and apparently they are a band from brisbane. i was transfixed but they only played one more song. the next band was called 'rescue ships' and their primary members were a sassy funny girl who kept making jokes about getting hives and a guy who may have been canadian with a big ole beard. the girl was playing an accordian and had a really spot on voice. they had a really attractive bassist. while they were playing i wondered about how you play accordian. also i made eye contact with this guy who was really hard out getting into them and i smiled at him and he saw me and then he kept going and i loved him after that. the final band that night was jackson mclaren who is from warrnambool which is a beach town west of melbourne where steph is from. jackson mclaren had a voice like ryan adams and really nice shoes and his violinist knew zoe's other housemate sam who i was sitting with. sam has big hair and two earrings in one ear. i didn't stay for much of jackson's set because i was tired but he seemed earnest and lovely.

the next day i went to doncaster shoppingtown ('shoppo' - it's just a big westfield in the outer eastern suburbs) with my friend fraser. on the drive there the song 'pumped up kicks' by foster the people was playing on repeat. we went to the apple store there so i could get my computer fixed. while we were waiting for the technician we assessed the attractiveness of people working in the store. we were driving back to the city to get lunch after a successful mission when murray called fraser and asked what he was up to. murray just moved to this cute house on the corner of some streets in north melbourne, it's all ramshackle and the rooms are weird shapes and there's a balcony. we had lunch at this very amazing cafe on the corner near his house called grigons & orr. lunch was pretty tasty. they served my coffee in a pretty teacup and gave me a pretty spoon. then we went back to murray's. it was sunny and we sat outside on the balcony smoking cigs and drinking juice from mildura.

heavy water

2011-10-15T13:15:00.002+11:00

yesterday i went to bethells beach with my friends hannah and kati

they are both photography students

hannah wanted to take pictures of our friend ali but she wasn't at home

when we went to her house it was open

this is the kind of place that bethells beach is, just really chill

want to raise my kids there one day

so we walked to the beach and it was really windy but all these wild as westie kids were running around in the water

lots of cool dogs too

kati and hannah are both austrian and occasionally talk to each other in german

i think it is really nice and cute how they do that

i ran into the water with my jeans rolled up but the water went way up above my knees

i didn't really mind

i sat up in the dunes while kati took pictures of hannah

she bought all these different coloured sheets and hannah had them draped over her body and the wind was really strong so it looked really good

up in the dunes i felt the sun

i saw a couple on the dune next to me kissing

i left the dunes and started walking towards this cave

i wasn't sure if i could get there because the tide was in

i walked over rocks with bare feet and it hurt but it was okay

i sat in the rocks and watched the waves crash and felt really peaceful

being near the ocean makes me really happy

transcendental vibes

kati and hannah caught up to me and we ran to the cave when the waves were going out

i draped a green sheet over my body and moved around

hannah had a blue sheet on

we were afraid the tide was coming in and we would be stuck inside of this cave

we left the cave and hannah and i play-fighted our way down the beach

kati took pictures of us

i saw lots of birds, sea birds are really cool

we saw this dead ass albatross that somebody had buried and only it's head and wings were showing

it looked so beautiful

we stopped for kati to take more pictures of hannah

i sat nearby and wrapped myself up in a sheet like it was a lil cocoon because it was so windy

i drew patterns in the sand

when they were finished we went up in the dunes and the sun was so nice that we all fell asleep

i think it is the nicest feeling in the world to fall asleep in the sun

i woke up when the sun went behind a cloud and it felt cold

we started walking back towards the car

in the parking lot there were some people having a bbq

there were some foreign people next to us and we talked to them

hannah greeted them by saying "kia ora"

love being a kiwi

mate, just bloody proud

on the way home we listened to a tribe called quest

we felt sleepy

one dinner

2011-10-15T00:33:00.000+11:00

on wednesday night i went to lentil as anything for dinner. i write about this place a lot, because i tend to eat there on the reg. it is a vegetarian buffet where you 'pay as you feel' but they are losing money so you should pay at least $10 for your meal and it is usually good food so they deserve it (or much more).

i rode my bike there after a long day at uni writing my thesis. i was very tired but felt i could not go home because my housemates were meeting people to take my room when i go overseas. so i was meeting my friend gordon for dinner. he was going to be a little while so i sat down inside and waited for him. as i sat down this man said 'excuse me - your jacket is very nice, where'd you get it?' i was so dazed from the ride and feeling exhausted and then a little embarrassed because i didn't know what to say as i actually found the jacket in a pile of hard rubbish (when people leave old furniture etc on the street for the council to collect) a few years ago. i faltered. he said 'op shop?' and i figured i could tell a weird old man it was hard rubbish, plus he already thought it was nice so it probably wouldn't damage my reputation.

i sat for a while just waiting for gordon. i read some pages of 'the zinester's guide to nyc'. the (old) man spoke to me again. said he was a performance poet and he was writing poems about people who were at lentils that night. he gave me this piece of paper.

it is a horrible poem about how i have nice clothes and why am i having dinner alone. at the time i said 'aw thanks' and just went back to reading. i felt too tired to engage with him, plus i was worried he would try to hit on me (officially). so i probably seemed vapid or something. i was just immensely tired. gordon arrived and i said his hair looked like a hitler youth. he said others had complimented him. i said that was cause all the people he knows are nazis. i was joking. and probably the poet thought i was dating gordon. i am not. after we ate gordon and i went on a lovely walk over this hill that looks over the abbotsford convent and you can see the city really nice and it was a lovely clear night and the lights were so pretty and i love this city.

Very Beautiful Women

2011-10-12T09:36:00.003+11:00

Susie and I contributed to this lil e-book called Very Beautiful Women that you should peruse at your own leisure.

verybeautifulwomen.blogspot.com

review of 'leap year'

2011-10-11T13:28:00.000+11:00

or, what we learn about women and their predilection to romance via the 'rom com' genre

Leap Year (2010) stars Amy Adams as Anna, a successful and driven woman living in Boston. It's February. Her current employment is as a person who makes houses on the market look desirable for potential buyers. She says that her job is to make people aware of the 'potential' of new houses. Her boyfriend Jeremy (Adam Scott, from Parks and Recreation, Party Down) is a cardiovascular surgeon. She is very proud of him even though he constantly has to leave her at dinner and is fairly absent. They have a stable relationship and are applying to live in a very reputable apartment building. One night at dinner Jeremy gives her earrings instead of an engagement ring and then he has to go to a conference in Dublin. Anna remembers this old Irish tradition where women are allowed to ask men to marry them on February 29, so she hops a plane and decides to go do that. Of course things go awry and she has to get this handsome handsome man Declan (Matthew Goode, the babe who plays Colin Firth's boyfriend in A Single Man) to drive her there before the 29th.

This morning in the shower I was thinking about the themes in the movie. Anna's job, for instance, is indicative of the way she knows that things just seem okay. You can swan into an empty building, dress it up nice with various fabrics and ornaments, then take it all away again. Trinkets and other nice things are impermanent and thus unimportant. She is at pains to insist that her job has worth, the way she tells people that it's about showing the potential of a house, a life etc. This repetition becomes a farce and reveals that she does not actually believe in what she is selling people, that she knows her job is superficial.

There is a scene early on where Anna is talking to her friend about how stable and reliable her boyfriend is and how great their relationship is. She mentions something about how romantic movies have always led girls to believe that they should want something more mysterious or unusual or difficult, but she likes Jeremy and what they have and they seem to be 'on track'. But of course, after her crazy journeys with sexy Declan, she wants nothing more than adventure with a temperamental Irish man. I don't really like Amy Adams at all and maybe this is why I don't like Anna, but when I was contemplating this I realised that her character - the type who has 'always known' what she wants from life and her path - is just taking away one more man from the girls who already know that they want Declan types.

Another meaningful scene is during their road trip where Declan asks Anna what she would take if her house was on fire. Anna doesn't know. She legit can't think of a damn thing. When she is back in Boston and engaged to Jeremy, they are holding a party at their beautiful new apartment and she pulls the fire alarm. Jeremy hurries around getting laptops and phones, but Anna just stands there. At that moment when I was watching I just thought that I would be getting my laptop too, and wondered what the hell Anna wanted. But really this scene means that she is totally detached from that entire type of life and she wouldn't save anything, not even herself in that context. Also that she is rich enough to pay the fire department thousands of dollars for coming to their place without an actual fire scare.

So basically
-earrings and rings come in the same type of box
-women who appear to be satisfied with their job, their long term boyfriend and their life are actually not
-an Irish accent and a bit of stubble can make you forget that noise

re: last post

2011-10-09T13:40:00.002+11:00

like

2011-10-09T13:17:00.003+11:00

- a tribe called quest
- colin mccahon
- how philosophy can save your life by marietta mccarthy
- boy (the movie)
- gilmore girls season 5
- irl
- feeling like a tourist in my own city
- xinia
- laura
- laura's dad
- girl with a movie camera
- hungover days watching 'come dine with me' omnibus
- headbands
- putting daisies in my hair
- diwali
- op shopping
- email correspondence
- going to melbourne at the end of the month
- pigeons
- max (a cat in the cattery)
- winz
- feeding lil bb birds
- whittakers creamy milk chocolate
- banana/chocolate chip cake
- zen stuff
- mary wollstonecraft
- bertrand russell
- red wine dizzle
- reading in cafes alone
- crayons
- stripey shirts
- beers
- the new auckland art gallery

things i am looking forward to

2011-10-09T11:39:00.003+11:00

1. my friend ziggy just got back from europe, gonna hang with that kid
2. finishing my fracking thesis (19 days to go!!!)
3. halloween party
4. STACEY COMING TO VISIT
5. having all my friends come to the farm with me for camping and going away type of activities
6. weather getting a lil warm but not too warm
7. going to new york with the darling caroline downes
8. in new york gonna hang out with my cousin who is doing a residency at flux factory
9. um i will be in new york
10. hopefully hang out with young spencer madsen and brodie and anton from uni (and others i guess! email me if you want to hang out with me in nyc)
11. going to washington to stay with carolyn and do more amazing wonderful things there
12. going to florida to stay with jacob for effing thanksgiving, feel pretty amped for this new holiday & also varied experiences of the usa lol
13. then going back to nyc for another 10 days mostly by myself which will be pretty daunting but am going to enjoy it hopefully
14. going to uk
15. work in my auntie's shop for a few days before chrimbus
16. chrimbus/new year
17. at some point hang out with crispin ass best (& various other uk internet pals i hope)
18. this is the part where i don't even know any more
19. kinda started writing this list in an attempt to not be terrified about this part, didn't work
20. um
21. ...........
22. going to find a place to live
23. and a job
24. and be a human being on the other side of the world
25. !!!!!!!!

after I 'put my neck out' on the trampoline

2011-10-03T11:19:00.000+11:00

(written at my family farm)

So this weekend I have been fully disconnected. I knew there was no internet at the farm and my sister said her phone didn't work, but I was optimistic that mine might get service. Turns out it doesn't... Which is worrying. So I haven't had any sort of external communication since Friday afternoon. The intent of this weekend, though, was to do thesis without being distracted by the internet. Because even if you disable wireless, you know you can just as easily enable it again and you'll have all the distractions in the land.

Here is a list of the things I did yesterday instead of going on Facebook or Skype or "checking my Google Reader"

- read the book 'A stylist's guide to NYC'
- do all the dishes because my sister is a messy so and so
- go for a walk to the dam with the dogs
- cycle up the road (thought I might get phone service on the highway but no, no I do not)
- have a bounce on the trampoline. can i just say best trampoline ever, giant ass circular one at the foot of the Grampians. Challenge you to find a better trampoline
- start to figure out conclusions to my effing thesis
- learn how to drive a stick
- drive the car around in a paddock blasting Coldplay
- park the car next to the big ole tree that fell down a few years ago, turn up Coldplay so I can hear it real good, and climb said tree.
- feel a sense of serenity
- write some more of dem conclusions
- make pumpkin soup with zucchini and bacon fritters
- watch the film Half Nelson. Am genuinely convinced that Ryan Gosling is the one of the best human being actors in the world. Wish I could text my friend to tell him he needs to watch Half Nelson.

and this morning I woke up and had bacon and eggs, had a shower and dried my hair by bouncing on the trampoline. also I think i 'put my neck out'. then i drove me and my sister to Rocklands Reservoir

the thing is, if that list proves anything, it proves that procrastination is a very strong force and is not dependent on an internet connection.

I have been thinking too, a lot about things. Walking around is good time to think about things. Being at this place.. rife for thoughts. So the deal is that my dad inherited this farm from his uncle Arthur. My dad and mum kept sheep for a bunch of years before he died in an accident on the farm. We lived at the farm for a bunch more years after that, four or so, then mum was really depressed and it was horrible so she decided we should move into the closest town, Horsham. We kept the farm for a few years, then mum decided it was bad just letting all the land sit there without being used and she decided to sell the remaining sheep we had and rent the land out, as opposed to selling it. So this man Shamus (don't know why he can't spell it the proper way like Harry Potter) and his wife Georgina lived on the farm for the last 7 or 8 years maybe, keeping cattle and planting things, I think sunflowers, on some parts of the land, living in the house. Mum always complained about things they would do to the property without asking, like changing fences or painting things.

After they had been living there past five years she decided that it we would probably need to do something with it, like sell it to Shamus and Georgina or sell it to somebody else - basically had to do something. The thing is, women in my family (we are all women) are incredibly sentimental. We can't let go of things, places or people. So it took mum a few more years to decide. And this year she decided that she would put out a tender on the land and see if anybody would offer to buy it. We ended up selling it to 'tree people' which means that a reforestation company buys the land and they plant trees that are allowed to grow for 50 years, then we could take them down if we wanted to. We didn't sell all of the land, we kept a number of acres (I have been told a million times but always forget) around the house block and of course the farm house, the shearing shed, the machinery shed and a bunch of old shacks where shearers used to live (these are called Shearer's quarters).

So that is where I spent the weekend. My sister has a lot of anger towards the things that Georgina and Shamus did to the place while they were living here. There are some things that I agree with her about but I am not as menacing about it as she is. I think she has a lot of things she hasn't dealt with regarding our youth here and our dad etc. For a while I thought mum should just sell it all and get rid of it, because when we talked as a family about what to do with the farm people would end up crying and yelling at each other and nobody would decide anything. I just figured maybe we would be better off moving forward and having this part of our life be a memory.

This is something I have considered while I've been walking around. Mum is actually from the UK and emigrated here with my dad. I keep thinking about how amazing it is that throughout you can just be born and be anybody, then you can meet someone and love them and move to another country, then you are a part of what they have there, what they have created. It becomes yours. So this is why it has never been easy for mum to make a decision about it. I think that other people might have reacted to the situation differently, but because we are sort of tied to this land by my dad and his family.. and we are sentimental womenfolk.. it took a while. And if you come here... it is so beautiful, and you understand why it is so hard to let go of.

I just think it is incredible that you can be born to be anybody and then life unfolds in this unexpected way and it's terrible but beautiful at the same time. My sister is living in the farmhouse which I am sorta skeptical about at the moment, just because she has so much stuff and it has already spread out into all the different rooms of the house. As I mentioned earlier she can't let go of anything - we are hoarders - and she's just got all this stuff.. And I know I'm pretty much the same which is alarming. People walk into my room and say "you've got so much stuff". I am glad that I am going away so I can downsize and have less stuff, just become more mobile. I think this encourages an understanding of the temporary nature of life, letting go.

In some ways I'm leaving to get away from this confusing part of my life, these memories that have been weighing on my entire family for over 15 years, finally being fully acknowledged, in a way. Although I would kinda like living out in the country, keeping a garden and having chickens and riding a bike around everywhere and playing with dogs and bouncing on a trampoline, especially as it gets warmer. I just can't imagine myself not moving forward and doing my own thing at this time in my life. Being in the city I think... man this is a big place. Then you travel four hours away from the city and you still feel the same way. The whole world is fucking gigantic.

how to eat healthy/thrifty/easy

2011-10-02T13:38:00.002+11:00

since i'm not really working right now i am trying to be more frugal about how i eat whilst also still being healthy. here are some things i have been eating plus pro tips

cereal

i have 'just right' because there's a box that's been in my pantry for several months, still good though

milk is cheap enough, it's one of the communal food items in the flat, along with eggs, cheese and toilet paper. we take turns at buying these things

cereal is healthy i think

not like fruit loops or coco pops or anything, the real good oaty, fruity ones

also think i'm gonna buy porridge

put a bit of banana and cinnamon in there

could be real good

oh also cereal is not limited to a breakfast food

baguette w/ cheese and hummus

baguettes are only like $1.50 and at my supermarket and i feel whimsical walking around town with a baguette under my arm

cheese is real expensive but a necessary and versatile food item

butter: i buy 'sunrise' margarine or something

hummus (optional but recommended): hummus is expensive so if you buy it you have to put it on everything

toast

pretty much the easiest and most satisfying food

favourite spreadings are peanut butter, strawberry/rhubarb jam, marmite

have with tea

preferably outside in your garden

bananas

mate, just.. bananas

noodles

i enjoy the red "original" mi goreng

more about the thrift/ease factor than the health factor

actually it's a good idea to not use the sachets provided and just put other stuff you want in it, like you can use vegetable stock and other herbs etc

tofu salad

heads of lettuce are like $1.50 or something, even cheaper if i get it from the market

grate some carrot into there, at the market i can get like 5 carrots for 80c it's fucking out of control

tofu is pretty expensive, like $5 but you can get 3 or 4 meals out of it

soy sauce to marinate the tofu in, better than just plain ass tofu

various herbs to put in marinade

crispy noodles: idk how much they are, possibly a bit of a lavish purchase but goes real good in salads

basically i just put in whatever else i have in the way of vegetables and salad dressings

roast vegetable salad

just roast up some veges and put them in an effing salad as above

tip: steal food from your parents house, they won't even notice probably

tip: don't be afraid to let other people pay for your food, learn to embrace it

tip: make meals from all the food you have in your cupboard. bound to get something good eventually.

tip: dumpster diving: haven't done this yet but gonna get into it i think

tip: generally just eat fruit and vegetables and bread

tip: get yr fruit/veges from the market, if you live in auckland go to avondale markets. it's a really nice thing to do on a sunday morning, except if you are hungover then it is pretty unbearable. i also get my bread and tofu from here sometimes. so so cheap. also get those $1 kids lucky dip things.

tip: buy the second cheapest brand of a thing, that way you can feel good because you are buying cheap but aren't getting the worst quality possible

anyone else have any good tips?

information about AFL in light of this weekend's 'grand final'

2011-09-30T11:21:00.002+10:00

(note: all of this information could be totally wrong)

in australia, the national sport is commonly acknowledged as AFL, which stands for 'australian football league'. (actually when i say, 'in australia' i mean 'in victoria', even though the league pretends to be national. you will see what i mean)

18 players from each side are on the field at any given moment. there are four goal posts. you score 6 points for kicking the ball through the middle two posts or 1 point for the others. i think the players have different positions like 'fullback' and 'ruck' and probably 'captain' but that is all i can remember. plus they basically run all over the field like you do in basketball anyway, positions seem like a non-issue. games are played in quarters and last for about two hours overall, but they can go into overtime for reasons which are unclear to me.

in the australian football league there are 16 teams. but this year a new team called 'sunshine something' or 'gold coast suns' probably was created, because they wanted the football teams to represent the states better. this has happened before to my knowledge, specifically with the fitzroy lions and the brisbane bears. they became the brisbane lions. there is always talk 'off season' about spreading the teams more evenly across the country: most of the teams are based in victoria. this is a list of the teams that exist and the states they are based in, and some of their slogan or commonly referred to names if i can remember them. also they all have songs, i will write some of the lyrics if i can remember them

collingwood magpies (vic) "caaarn the pies". song goes "good old collingwood foreverrrr, they know how to play the game. side by side they stick together.. something something" etc. at the moment on the collingwood town hall there is a big ass banner that has the first line of this song on it. lol

geelong (vic) called the cats, or more accurately "catters!!!!"

fremantle (WA) they are called "dockers", which seems arbitrary, but i think is derived from the fact that fremantle is a port town, ports - docks. maybe? nobody goes for this team idk, but as a girl i liked them because one of their colours is purple

west coast eagles (WA) usually known as "west coast"

port adelaide (SA) known as "port power"

adelaide crows (SA) sometimes people from south australia are called "crow eaters".

western bulldogs (vic) known as "doggies"

carlton (vic) known as carlton, traditionally a crap team. used to be called "carlton blues"

melbourne demons (vic) their song goes something like "it's the team for me and for you...the red and the blue"

essendon (vic) known as bombers. song goes "see the bombers fly up, up!" traditionally collingwood and essendon fans hate each other. also a tradition is for these teams to play an 'anzac day game' (april 25), i think it has something to do with how many of their players were in the first world war. one thing that really annoys me about bombers fans is that they always refer to their team as "essedon". srsly guys there's an N in there

st kilda (vic) "SAINTERZZZZZ"

hawthorn (vic) "hawks!!!!"

richmond (vic) "tIgErZ"

sydney swans (nsw) seems like an elegant animal. maybe ask james about them

north melbourne (vic) somebody from my hometown used to play for this team, his name was shannon something or other. i do not know much about this club now

brisbane lions (QLD) these guys were really good for a while there, winning that cup on the reg. think they are just called "the lions"

this year's grand final is between geelong and collingwood. last night on 'the footy show' the hosts said that they thought geelong would win, that they were ready for the win or something

i was watching that programme because my mum was watching it. she has been an avid afl fan since she moved here with my dad. he went for collingwood. collingwood used to train at the football ground right near my house, which is still painted black and white in their colours. it is tradition in the anderson family to go for collingwood, which accounts for how i know the song so well. when i moved into my place i told my mum it was close to victoria park and she said that dad took her to see a game there when she first arrived.

last year collingwood and st kilda played two grand finals because there was a tie in the first. i remember i was meeting up with some friends at 'crown casino' to hang out after the game and people were just leaving the place really dejected, weird vibes. then somebody told me that it was a draw and i found it really funny. collingwood won the second game which was their first grand final victory in about 18 years. i felt pretty happy about this in a way because i have emoshunal feelings about that team re: my dad. we have this video of the last time they won the grand final in 1991. i think it would be nice if they won again this year, i do not want 'the footy show' people to be right about geelong being ready to win it, because even though cats are my favourite animal the geelong team has always seemed really snarling and horrible. plus it's really nice saying stuff like "caaarn the pies!" cause pies are yummy

at 'births deaths and marriages' victoria

2011-09-28T10:57:00.003+10:00

walking through the shiny ass foyer in a fuck off building on collins street. feel outta place with a hole in my tights

overheard someone saying 'my husband and i married in las vegas in 1998'

<12 month old baby w/earrings, why do women want to pierce their baby's ears?

have been thinking in depth about the nature of my relationships with boys. in the past have considered myself to be terrified of intimacy and am attempting to work out how accurate this is. friend of mine said that the person who will change my mind about this is 'the person' and if i am looking for it i will be too conscious of it and thus not find 'the person'. also another friend had a similar anecdote about 'one night stands', said one day you find the person that you don't want to leave in the morning lol. so currently i am a morning leaver, not that i have those things a lot but that's my instinct and i have just been considering it lately. and i don't mind it. i am pretty happy continuing on in this vein. think i will be intrigued to meet the person who can change this behaviour mostly b/c it just seems so unlikely.

kids playing hide and seek underneath some benches, saying 'found ya' in exactly the same tone that i used to say it. strongly remember the terror of being found.

at the counter the man is really quiet. trying to find places to stare at that aren't him, for some reason. the 'births deaths and marriages' slogan is 'recognising significant life events'. he printed my certificate and said 'thanks susie'

My favourite thing

2011-09-27T20:28:00.002+10:00

full up with love

thoughts during "he died with a felafel in his hand"

2011-09-26T19:59:00.003+10:00

this movie seems to be about a lot of people who like to sit/stand in the rain

i like the main character a lot

smoking cigarettes makes depression seem cool

australians are funney

found the main character attractive even though he wasn't attractive but sometimes you just see something in people

also because he wears a shirt and suit jacket, think that looks good in contrast with his otherwise ramshackle appearance

he seemed genuine, i think, and that is one of my favourite qualities in people

i liked how everyone in this film seemed really fucked

thought "i guess i just don't like most people" and i felt bad about that but definitely cannot feel otherwise

why is it so hard for me to remember the correct spelling for felafel

scones are pretty good, like cheese ones

good music in this film, going to download the soundtrack (noticed that on the dvd cover it says "with a hip and brooding soundtrack featuring moby, nick cave and the stranglers" lol

being alive is weird, but idk compared to what i guess

it's nice that all his possessions fit into a milk crate, probably not even 1/4 of the cardigans i own would fit into a milk crate

kind of want felafel now

day in review 25/09/11

2011-09-25T17:03:00.003+10:00

Awoken at 6am by wasted ass friends jumping into bed with me. Talked and listened to music for an hour and I went back to sleep and they sat outside in the sun. Had a dream where I was out there with them, like some sort of astral projection or something. Was rly cool. Woke up at 9am and sat out in the sun, made everyone tea and toast. Huna and Laura went to bed and I lay with them for a bit watching Dark Angel (lol). Then my friend Xinia came over with a soy ass coffee for me and we went down to the beach and walked her aunty's dog. The dog was a black labrador named Johnny, he was really sweet but got dog drool all over me. We played in the sand and talked and went on the swings. It was real sunny and I felt good. I got home and Sam called me asking if I wanted to go to a book launch that afternoon. Still had a good 2 hours before I had to do that, so I went to my parent's house because I am house-sitting for them and I had to feed my cat. I sat in the sun and read the rest of During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present by Brandon Scott Gorrell then I made mail for people. Sending/receiving mail is one of my favourite things. Also had a phat dance to Coldplay while I was doing the dishes, felt really life-affirming. I went to Sam's at about 3pm and we went out to get beers. We accidentally got caught in a swarm of rugby fans and it was quite frightening. We drank beers on the deck for a few hours, shooting the proverbial shit, then we went to the book launch at about 6. The book was about industrial unionism in NZ during the First World War and there was a film screening of similar subject matter. Sounds boring but it was interesting enough. Get in2 dat socialism. On the way home I picked up Burger Fuel for Huna because I sensed she would like that based on the txt she sent me earlier saying "merrh". Got home and ate my burger, then Xinia came over with brownies (nailing it today quite frankly, Xinia). We drank wine, listened to music and talked until the wee hours. Can't remember when I went to sleep. Pretty ideal day - 9.8/10.

This is what I looked like on this day:

ways to get to sleep

2011-09-23T13:31:00.005+10:00

i am a pretty bad sleeper generally and this week this has been exacerbated by the amount of study that i have to do. my mind is functioning at this ridic level of productivity, so stimulated. hyper alert, intellectually. these are some of the ways that i generally get to sleep or techniques i consider when i cannot do sleeping.

reading - doesn't currently work for me as the book i'm on at the moment (voyage in the dark by jean rhys) only increases anxiety & wards off slumber via ponderings

watch shows - i have employed this method probably 3 out of 4 weeks in any given month, for every month since i have had a laptop. (guess this is how i watch so much television) Fry and Laurie is like my personal lullaby or something which accounts for how i know it so well. also sketch shows are best to fall asleep to b/c you're not missing a narrative when you do sleep. i've often found it weird when i stay at places or have people over and we just 'go to sleep'. seems weird, but i know i am actually the weird one & have a problem. have tried in the past to instigate rules like 'leave laptop in another room' & 'only compute at desk' but these rules last a week or so, & there i am again, cradling my macbook & teddy side by side, night after night. unless! unless i am

drinking - this is legit the only way i can 'fall asleep' with ease. idk. just don't have a quiet mind

write - cos all my ideas come to me when i'm trying to empty my mind. it's hard to decide to write it out b/c turning the light on to get yr pen and paper is admitting you are still awake. but to truly exorcise thoughts sometimes they need to be on paper.

fapping - good way to drain all of the day's remaining energy. post orgasmic state v. relaxing

take dem pills - have been taking some painkillers sometimes... um... people seem to think this is a bad idea, but i do not do it very much and only in extreme situations. i just think that i am unpleasant when i haven't slept enough and i want to be pleasant for people in my life so if i do the sleeping then i will be an enjoyable person and if this helps me then surely that is an ok thing to do. ???????

do exercise - sometimes i go for night walks. infrequently. for a while last year i did running. but mostly i am a lazy so and so. i do not know whether this would help me get to sleep better. maybe i should try doing this and suddenly i will be a better sleeper.

listen to music - i have tried listening to grouper a few nights this week to help myself feel relaxed and like i might fall asleep, but i always try to stay awake until the last couple of songs on the album 'dragging a dead deer up a hill', which is funny b/c the very last song on the album is called 'we've all gone to sleep' but i guess it is my favourite song of hers at the moment so that explains why i try to stay awake to listen to it

Podcast requests

2011-09-21T19:10:00.003+10:00

We are taking requests for poetry/short fiction to read on our next podcast. It can be something you have written or just something you like. You can comment here or email staceteague@gmail.com or susie.nina@gmail.com by Sunday (25/09).

You'll get mad shout outs and probably a few famous podcaster coughs and general love from us antipobabes

most recent things i have downloaded to my itunes

2011-09-16T11:17:00.003+10:00

eric's trip "peter ep" and "love tara"

came across this band whilst on julie doiron's wikipedia page, she played guitar/bass and sang. they seem like a pretty influential canadian band from the early 90s. think it's like "dreamy punk" or something. seems like a really bad band name though. look how cool julie doiron is:

codeine "the white birch"

listened to a track that walter davis posted to facebook and thought "i can deal with this".

///////nEonsense mixtape by neon glittery

she sent me a physical copy of this mix but it had a big crack down the middle so she uploaded it for me. it is a mixture of sweet ass songs that itunes categorize as "psychedelic" and "experimental" mostly, and also her own songs, which I would probably describe as "dream glitch". think i just like any music that could be described as dream [something].

mix cd made for me by victoria

i've been in contact with victoria ever since the livejournal days of yore. she lives in chicago, and we send each other packages back and forth on a pretty casual basis. mix features such artists as the babies, the blow, jeremy jay, yo la tenga, sibylle baier, geto boyz and the velvet underground. just listened to it in the kitchen as i was making toasted sandwiches.

mount eerie "dawn"

this is an album that phil elverum recorded whilst spending a winter by himself in a cabin in a remote part of norway. it is just him and his guitar, really simple and lovely. p. much get at me, phil.

the velvet underground "candy says"

i downloaded this single song because i used to listen to it a lot when i was maybe 15 and i realised i didn't have it anymore due to my mum accidentally deleting my music when I was 16 or so. boy this takes me back to sitting alone in my room writing in my notebook. wait, i still do that. hehehehe.

sleepy age "decor" and "sly one nighters"

downloaded from their bandcamp after watching the video for decor via alice and also remembering that i liked "fuck yr friends". put it on a mix cd that i was recruited to make later that night in order to "get da party started" on the car ride to the gig we were going to. think i suceeded. comments from other people indicated that i had, in fact, "nailed it".

bombay bicycle club "flaws"

i think james told me to download this. i like it a lot. seems like sensitive ass indie music (which we all secretly like, right)

the microphones "it was hot, we stayed in the water", "the glow pt. 2" and "mount eerie"

downloaded these albums on the strength of how much i liked the song "the glow pt. 2" along with everything else phil elverum-related i had heard. eamonn told me i should listen to them in the order they are listed above. this guy knows what he's talking about.

godspeed you! black emperor "lift your skinny fists like antennas to heaven"

this album only has four tracks but they are each about 20 minutes long. all instrumental and really really beautiful.

silver jews "tanglewood numbers"

have had their album "american water" in my itunes for a while but only recently listened to it properly. pretty good. has stephen malkmus on some songs.

young montana? "limerence"

at first i saw that susie was listening to this and thought it was some kind of rap because i kept thinking "young sid" or "young jeezy" or something. in reality it's just some sweet ass beats.

if you want any of these albums just type the band name, then the album name, then mediafire. idk, do people know you can do that, seems like people should, but just in case you don't, [the thing i said].

got da flu

2011-09-15T07:30:00.003+10:00

+ mostly lying down
- not being able to get up really
+ scooby doo marathon on cartoon network
- sickness exacerbating "bad feelings" towards life
+ concentrating on only the most basic human needs
- wanna die
+ watching doctor who a lot
- having a lot of spare time but not really being able to do anything with it
+ the internet
- actually crying due to pain
+ youtube.com
- not being able to leave the house
+ my cat
- probably best if you don't look in any sort of reflective surface
+ perpetual pajamas
- miss human interaction
+ tea
- missed getting to eat my "last day of work cake"
+ toast
- lemsip
+ liquids
- everything hurts
+ secretly eating a lot of cookies
- cold sweats
+ the short window of time in the afternoon where i feel well enough to read my book
- too hot and then too cold
+ the mount eerie album "dawn"
- the most uncomfortable sleep of my life
+ this

List of TV series I have watched in bulk so far this year

2011-09-14T23:09:00.001+10:00

Party Down S1+2
Parks & Recreation S1-3
Harvey Birdman S1+2
Archer S1
Snuffbox S1 (didn't really like it? idk)
Masterchef S3
Tom Goes to the Mayor S1
Tim & Eric S1-5 (on repeat)
Community S1+2
Gilmore Girls S1-6
30 Rock S5
Family Guy S9
Gossip Girl S4
Saturday Night Live (selections of latest seasons, also season one)
A Bit of Fry & Laurie S1-4 (always)
Portlandia S1
Entourage S8
Sex and the City S1-6 (twice)
Alias S1, currently on 2
Breaking Bad S1-3, currently on 4

frightened by how much television this is : (
but frightened by the fact that I just want to watch more, there's not enough timeeeeee

Good mail day

2011-09-13T12:44:00.003+10:00

From Neon Glittery, Vickie Akpan, Jacob Steinberg and Tao Lin c/o Muumuu House.

Interview

2011-09-12T15:02:00.001+10:00

Jackson Nieuwland interviewed me here.

2011-09-09T17:03:00.003+10:00

like the + and - system, so gonna do one for today

- running into my housemate on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, overreacting cos i was sleepy and yelping a number of times
+ making scrambled eggs n mushrooms for breakfast
+ watching friends while it rained and hailed, friends is a really good show
- not being able to decide what i should do tonight
+ walked to De Clieu to use my coffee voucher there
- gums hurting a bit
+ writing breakthrough
- putting off going to the market to get gluten free pizza bases from a health food store there, as a result was just closed when i got there, so had to take more time off writing and go find some at the other end of the city
+ bought 2x 2pacs of bases in the end, on sale!
- skirt keeps 'riding up' during walking cos of static (?) via tights
+ pizza party tonight
+ melissa delaney in town tonight
- looks rainy ass outside

today

2011-09-07T17:40:00.002+10:00

+ someone at work said my hair looked nice

- wanted to cry at various points due to exhaustion

+ made me and hannah scrambled eggs for lunch

- did actually cry a lil in the car on the way to work

+ cuddles with pickles the cat

- feeling bleak re: my finances

+ played stairway to heaven on my dad's guitar but changed it a bit, made it real slow and sang quietly in my lil kiwi accent

- bleak ass call to work and income

+ the glow pt. 2 by the microphones

- really cold feet

+ sitting in the sun with other volunteers during break

- weird leg pain

+ the sky looked real good as the sun was setting and i was driving nearly swerving to look at it more wondering if anyone else was seeing this and why aren't they swerving too

sparks

2011-09-06T16:59:00.006+10:00

cardigan that used to belong to my grandma, khaki cotton on jeans, thick rugby socks from the warehouse, 2x thermals, new haircut c/o my flat mate Hannah, weird thumb thing c/o idek

i made these raw ass vegan brownies, damn tasty

also made some legit tofu pitas for dinner

walked the dog at the beach with dad, stepped on crunchy shells and felt nice in the cool spring afternoon

felt emotional as shit watching this

booked flights to melbourne from 30th october to 8th november

had/having an internal meltdown re: "da future"

getting into cranberry juice in a big way

feeling extremely upset that i cannot go overseas with susie

feeling really overwhelmed in general

just need to listen to coldplay and cry it all out

2011-09-06T10:45:00.004+10:00

sportsgirl oversized jumper thing feat. fox that my friend zoe made (missing an eye)

xxxl men's tommy hilfiger denim shirt thingy

black cotton on jeans

have some fancy ass brogues on too lol

last night i had a dream that thought catalog emailed me and said 'we want to pay you but you'll have to edit that piece' and then i caught some trains some places with some boring girls from high school

have been making decisions lately, gonna go away to usa/uk for a bit. had dinner with my buddy fraser last night and am realising what i'm leaving / love my friends / why am i making this irrational decision ????

been reading more jean rhys, read 'quartet' last week and thought it was pretty good, but i was a bit upset about how reliant marya was on all the men in her life, but i guess it was only the 1920s

thank you to everybody who i whinged about getting my wisdom teeth out to, it was totally fine and my face didn't even swell and my dentist was still gorgeous.. now i have proper painkillers

Facebook chat

2011-09-04T18:22:00.002+10:00

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

i cannot sleep at all

feels bad

16 hours ago

James Duncan

what's keeping you awake

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

heart palpitations

things in my head

16 hours ago

James Duncan

you've been getting palpitations a lot lately haven't you

it is because of something

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

i don't think i have been getting them a lot

so tired i wanna cry

16 hours ago

James Duncan

'wholeheartedly' here for you

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

are you 'wholeheartedly'

i am sitting on the floor and my lil butt is getting cold

i don't want to move

16 hours ago

James Duncan

i am wholeheartedly

i have a cold thing

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

a cold "thing" or a "cold" thing

16 hours ago

James Duncan

lol…

you are 'on the ball' tonight

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

idek what is life

i feel

really [something]

just a lot of a thing

this feeling is a stone inside my body and i imagine myself pushing it out with both hands

16 hours ago

James Duncan

i can't really imagine what that feels like

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

just like you are pushing a stone, a really smooth large stone

16 hours ago

James Duncan

i can't even think of metaphors when i feel bad

trying to 'reconcile' the image with the feeling of my actual body

i don't know

i am trying hard

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

i don't think about my body, i just think about the stone and how the stone feels on my hands and me pushing it

and the feeling afterwards

lightness

floating

16 hours ago

James Duncan

i'm just finding it difficult to think of that

i can touch things in a peripheral space

all around my body

i used to do it all the time

but it is so thin

i only want to know what is actually here

16 hours ago

Stacey Teague

yes

times i have crashed my car

2011-09-03T21:58:00.004+10:00

when i first started learning to drive i was 14/15. our old driveway had this weird angle and i always used to bang into the corner of the house with my dad's car. there are lil chunks of brick knocked off it. one time i nailed the garage door and put this massive dent in it. it was an electric garage door and after that it took about 30 seconds longer to go up and down. soz. hehe. cheeky lil teen.

for a while i owned this really sweet ass honda accord that i bought from my friend for cheaps. one time when i was staying at sam's house we drove to the shops and when i pulled into a parking spot i put my foot on the accelerator instead of the brake so i slammed into a concrete wall. pretty much smushed the front of my car but everything stayed attached. sam's dad followed behind me in his car when i drove home to make sure nothing fell off. seemed nice. when i got home me and dad did some DIY and tied a piece of rope around my bumper and attached it to his car to pull everything back into place. just a bit of ol' fashioned kiwi know-how.

one time i borrowed my dad's car when joseph and i wanted to go to the movies. i think we wanted to see inception but it was sold out. we returned to his house and i was backing into the driveway and couldn't see the wire fence and it got caught on the back tyre guard and ripped half of it off. i felt like a damn foo'. h8ed lyfe. joseph had some electrical tape and managed to secure the thing back on so it was safe to drive. when i got home i told my dad and i felt really bad and said i would pay for it to get fixed and everything. i felt really bad. i think my dad sensed this so he didn't get mad or anything, he was real chill about it. thnx dad.

my sister let me borrow her car while she was away on holiday. i drove it to work at the cattery. when i went to leave, all these cars had blocked me in and i had to do a gazillion point turn to get out. in the process i knocked a branch off a tree and side-swiped a car. a lady who was waiting to come in saw me do this and held her index finger up to her lips to indicate "ssh", then smiled. i was real flustered at this point and just freaked out and drove away. i think there was a lil scratch on my sister's car but you couldn't really tell. i think i told my sister about the tree but not about the car. i don't think she reads my blog.

backing out of my sister's driveway is really hard, especially in my dad's 4WD. there are these small trees that line the driveway and one time i completely knocked one over, ripped out dem roots and everything. not entirely sure if i did it or if it was the storm but i thought i must have done it considering my previous driving record.

oh yeah and once i reversed out of the garage with one of the doors still open and it made the worst sound ever

i am going for my full drivers license next month
wish me luck

also

just made this father's day card for tomorrow

i cut out the cover from a newspaper and i didn't even know it had the word "father" on it. seemed like fate.

day in review thurs sept 1 2011

2011-09-02T13:10:00.002+10:00

Woke up and computerised while double-cupping coffee and tea. Had some gluten free muesli stuff which has goji berries in it. Sent a text to my friend Beck to see what she was up to, as we had been trying to hang out but failing to actually do it for a long time, which is silly cos she lives nearby me. I suggested that we get a coffee either on Brunswick street or in the city if she was going in. I rode my bike up to her place and we decided to walk into the city together. We ate some lunch at the cafe at my uni. I ate a thai pattie (which is a gross word but it was delicious) with coleslaw and Beck had something that was essentially a toasted sandwich but featuring fancy bread and deli items as filling. We were sitting under an umbrella in the sun and it was beautiful, a nice day for the first day of Spring actually but neither of us mentioned that it was a new season. We were having good talks about feeling awkward in creative cliques in Melbourne and our studies. Beck had a ticket to the launch of Going Down Swinging that night and offered it to me. I said I would think about it. Beck decided that she was going to walk back home and do some writing for class and I had errands to run.

Walking past the State Library I ran into my friend Jordan. He had been visiting galleries on his day off work. I hijacked him and made him accompany me on my errands. We went to JB Hi-Fi and I bought a pair of headphones to replace the ones of mine that were stolen a few weeks ago. I went to the 3 phone store to ask if I had to officially cancel my contract with them. We went to First Site together and as we were walking past the RMIT Gallery noticed that there was an opening there that evening. We decided to go there later. Jordan and I had coffee at the same place I had lunch. I like eating there because they give student discounts. We talked about people we know, housemates and other things like when we started drinking coffee. We split up so I could finish my errands and go study for a bit. I wrote nearly 800 words, which was only 200 off my target for the day. I decided that I would go to the GDS launch after the gallery opening because my friend Amber was. I rode my bike to Beck's house and it felt dangerous for some reason. She sold me the ticket for only $20 which was nice of her and said that since we'd lunched she wrote 500 words. I met Jordan at the exhibition and we had some wines. The exhibition is about street art, zines, pasting and stickers. The stuff is pretty cool, but it was weird seeing it in a white, sterile environment. I became slightly intoxicated from the wine because I had not eaten for a little while. We decided to leave the show and go get some chips. We got these nice chips from burger edge. There was aioli on them too but it was not as nice as other places. Too runny. I was talking outrageously thanks to the wine, I think I said a lot of stuff about travel and friendships and sex. Jordan is a good friend who doesn't mind what I say though.

He went home and I met Amber under the clock at Melbourne Central (This is a quintessential Melbourne meeting place). Her friend arrived and we went to the Toff where the launch was being held. It was packed. We made our way through the crowd and sat down on the ground. There were three brackets featuring two poets in each. I think my favourite was Ken Arkind, maybe because he was a ginger and had a big beard. But Mahogany Brown was really good too, she seems like a gal I could get on with. I was tired at the end so I decided to leave my bike at uni and get the bus home with Amber. My Myki (one of those travel cards you top up) didn't work when I was trying to 'touch off' at the back of the bus so I went to the front and felt silly, like I was holding everybody up. I was hungry when I arrived home and I cut up some carrot and ate it with peanut butter.

KEWL DAY GUYS 9.5/10 PROBABLY

friendship cameos in my undergraduate degree

2011-08-31T23:43:00.001+10:00

1. Country kids who lived in the student apartment block I lived in
When I didn't get into the Melbourne uni college I wanted, things seemed dire as heck. Scrounging around for alternatives, me and my sister ended up living a few streets apart in 'Student Housing Australia'. It was horrible. I lived in a shoebox room and most of the other tenants were quiet asian types. (Sometimes I would be woken up at 6am by the sound of pots and pans being thrown and very loud screaming..!) Though this was a good exercise in living alone, I was overjoyed when I ran into a girl called Laura from Benalla in the lift one day. She had made other friends, Alice and Tim. They all went to RMIT as well, though Alice never went to class and seemed scatty as all hell. One night we decided to go on an RMIT pub crawl as a building. I went along and learnt about those games where if someone puts a coin in your beer you have to scull it. The next day Alice woke up and she had a sore throat. She said when she swallowed it felt like there was something in there. Laura drove us to the hospital and we were in emergency trying to convince the doctors that a possible coin in the throat was worth skipping through all the people with gaping wounds or broken limbs. Alice had to go home to her parents and she didn't come back for semester two. I used to get group texts from Laura saying things like 'happy easter' or 'merry christmas' but I think she has probably deleted me from her phone by now. I think Tim ended up getting into a college.

2. Lindy
I don't really remember how we fell into the same crowd, because we never had any classes together, but for my second semester my 'bestie' at uni was a French Canadian girl called Lindy. She'd done a year of exchange in Geelong and ended up in Melbourne. She lived in an apartment about a twenty minute tram ride away from me and was experiencing similar accommodation loneliness. The difference between her student housing and mine was that hers had a largely unused entertainment room with a big ass tv. We took this as our opportunity to become wanky media students and watched things like Mulholland Drive and Slaughterhouse 5. Lindy was a loud person with lots of enthusiasm. She was also still in love with her high school boyfriend Aiden. One day we went to Geelong to hang out with some of her old friends and see Aiden. It was weird seeing Aiden. Lindy liked the song 'Shake it' by Metro Station and also the band Escape the Fate. She got a job bartending at a strip club and would insist that I went to visit her when she finished work. I managed to do this only one time and it was as weird as I thought it would be, even though I didn't see any boobies. The bar is across from the MCG and apparently football players would always go there after games. Sometimes she seemed a bit like a sociopath and I couldn't tell when she was lying. There was one particular incident on a night when we went out for somebody's birthday and she scratched my arm because I accidentally touched her dermal anchor while hugging her and she tripped another friend of ours, then went home with the birthday person out of spite (but I am not sure if this actually happened). Lindy and I were going to live together in our second year but a lot of my misgivings about became overwhelming and I had to tell her I didn't think it would be a good idea and after that our friendship fell apart. I have seen her on the street probably once since then and made false promises to hang out but I am okay with not hanging out.

3. My media and meaning tutor
For some reason me and my friend were obsessed with the idea of our media and meaning tutor. I was in one of those classes were nobody would speak (a pattern to be repeated for the remaining two years of my degree) and there was overwhelming pressure on those sitting closest to the tutor to say something. For whatever reason, I usually found myself in that position. I found his arrogance attractive for some reason. And because it was first year and we had a bunch of young tutors taking us we would end up going for end of semester drinks. And you know. I ended up being one of those breathy girls, twirling her hair staying around until the end trying to 'get to know' my tutor. Uh now I see him sometimes when I'm studying at uni and every time I think 'jesus, how embarrassing'. Then, 'maybe I can write about this'.

4. The indies
Country girl that I was (also highly influenced by myspace), I spent the first couple of weeks introducing myself to people at uni, then asking what music they were into. Everyone in my course seemed to be really hip, well dressed, into awesome things, confident etc etc. I felt shy and wanted this awesomeness to rub off on me. One night after drinks with a bunch of kids from uni, somebody mentioned wanting some weed. At this time I still had hometown connections and had a stash in my crappy flat. We had a session on the deck at my place. I think another time some people stayed over. I felt a bit jaded that these two instances didn't equate to instant friendship but to be fair the lengths I went to after that basically boiled down to 'facebooking' them and then proceeding to get blog-jealous of one in particular! My first year friendship efforts were fairly rubbish, also I was a passive aggressive bitch. In third year I ended up in groups with all these people who I had revered in first year and found them to be normal/funny human beings.. and I think by that time I'd turned into one of those too.

5. Boy from band who I emailed for a number of months
Somehow I 'got into' a really cute band and via myspace or this blog probably. I began emailing the singer somehow. We had this nice insightful email correspondence for a couple of months and then they played a residency at the Birmy in May and I went with a couple of friends.

We stopped emailing after this. I never really knew what happened, but I can only assume that it had something to do with the fact that I started 'seeing' email boy's friend (who I referred to for some time as 'blog boy' but now is just my regular friend - also cannot write about him here because his friendship isn't a cameo) but maybe it doesn't matter and I just don't understand him at all. We did sort of chat at Campus a Low Hum earlier this year when Toro y Moi was playing and he was having some sort of 'musical epiphany' or that is how it seemed to me kinda. Anyway I feel like their band is still really amazing to see live and I don't really mind but I like emails so people should email me long things of niceness maybe.

6. People from my philosophy class
I have written about these people before, one in my four crushes zine. The person who I mentioned in my zine wasn't really that attractive to me I think but was more a memorable figure for a few months. My philosophy class was handily timed from 4.30-6.30 Wednesdays, so we would, more often than not, head to either the Oxford Scholar (rancid pub across from RMIT) or Workshop (decent, not overly trendy bar in close proximity to RMIT) and debrief about the annoying people in class, like the one girl from my course who would come along every four weeks and be the most verbal person in the class just to compensate for her terrible attendance. So there was the guy from my zine known only by his last name 'Collins', Felix, the German exchange student, Carolyn, the sweet printmaking student who had similar music taste to me and I run into her occasionally and she's as sweet as ever and Madeline, the American exchange student who was as cool as shit, just a real friendly group. We would hang around in the smoking area at workshop and smoke cigarettes and sometimes Felix had weed, talking until 9 or so. Often we would speculate about our philosophy teacher's life and make amusing banter about his silk attire. I was in a dire philosophical/personal ontological state at that point in my life, and I found these gatherings to be a useful extension of the therapy that philosophy class offered.

maths

2011-08-31T13:12:00.001+10:00

Bought this fancy ass bag for $130 because I want to be able to ride my bike to uni with my laptop and books. There is a cool laptop sleeve at the back of the big pocket. It is furry and it says at the top of it 'welcome to herschel'.

Taking the train or bus into town costs me $3 return each day, so to break even on this purchase I have to ride 43 days. This would require nearly 6 weeks of riding to and from uni every day of the week. On average I go to uni 5 days of the week though so it will actually take me something more like 8 weeks.

8 weeks is the exact amount of time I have left before I have to hand in my thesis.

Yesterday I rode my bike on a total of 3 journeys, but I only took my bag on one of these journeys. Does this count? Y/N?

My grandparent's wedding day

2011-08-30T12:53:00.001+10:00

People are just podcasts 5

2011-08-29T12:46:00.005+10:00

Can't believe we have done five of these now! OMG! Probably the giggliest one yet.

People are just Podcasts 5 by susiea

Stacey read: "a conclusion" from vessel by brett gallagher, Sad Cave by Alexander J. Allison, is it armaggedon or is it armaggedon by Diana Salier, Hjerte Syk by Lisa Zaran, dubstep ringtones by Zachary Whalen, Conversation 10/10 - poetry by emily dickinson remix poem, Heavens Poem part 3 by James Duncan and a bunch of her 'favourite' tweets.

I read: there's this song i think you'd like although i don't know if you'd actually like it because the only reason why i think you'd like it is that it reminds me of you and i don't know what to do about this by Giles Ruffer, Pagoda by Crispin Best, Puddle Story by Joseph Ernest Harper, Building of Unseen Cats by Zachary Schomberg, Self Help Google Document by Victoria Trott, the world would be happier with me dead in it by Victoria Trott and also my 'favourite' tweets.

It goes for a lil while but it is worth it. Also I just want to say that we think Poetry By Emily Dickinson is a really amazing website and if you don't know what the heck it is, school yourself immediately and get involved.

We will be doing another one in September - if you have poetry you'd like us to read, email susie.nina@gmail.com or staceteague@gmail.com

things i'm going to do when my job finishes in two weeks

2011-08-28T13:17:00.004+10:00

- get my full license because i have been putting it off for about 4 years but that means i'll have to learn how to parallel park can somebody teach me
- look for another job but kind of half-heartedly
- volunteer at the bird rescue three days a week
- work at the cattery 4 hours a week
- make zines
- read a lot (like real heaps)
- start runnin' (like a man) (or like a gangly ass girl)
- go to work and income and look in2 dat free money thing they got going on
- survive mainly on cheese and hummus sandwiches
- sell/give away a lot of the things i own
- hang out with my friend laura a lot because she is coming back from the uk
- sleep (excited about this one)
- experience overwhelming self-loathing (just a projection based on past figures)

- hang out with my sister and her lil baby
- go for walks around the general titirangi area
- write

- go to melbourne to visit susie before she goes to nyc
- buy a new hat

- sit in my room and listen to music feeling like i am barely existing and feeling okay about feeling that way (meta-emotional)
- take a yoga class once a week (only because my friend xinia teaches a class)
- try to steal my neighbour's cat pickles and make him our cat instead
- listen to a lot of bright eyes (post teen emo core vibes)

- participate in art collective

- make a chapbook with james duncan
- try not to buy things because i have to pay rent and stuff and moving back with my parents will never ever be a thing
- spend a lot of time outside, getting in2 nature

- go to christchurch maybe for dat zine fest there

- ride my bike

By Hand

2011-08-24T12:53:00.002+10:00

"By Hand was created as part of the Hands on Poetry event at Alphabet City, which was part of National Poetry Day 2011. Attendees at the event contributed poems, and these were compiled into a zine.

Contributors: Eamonn Mara, Alice Connolly, Jackson Nieuwland, James Duncan, Alison Thira, Rose Noir, Anna Forsyth, Zanni Yeah!, Kora Deverick, Clovis McEvoy, Francis Carter, Alex Hoyles, Kirsty Win, Sophie Barclay, N Nissenbaum.

Contributors should expect da copy in the mail over the next few days.

If you'd like to get hold of a copy, they're $2 NZ (within New Zealand) or $3 US (elsewhere). You can:
send Paypal to moira@nutmeg.gen.nz
conceal cash and post it to Alphabet City/ P O Box 7754, Wellesley Street, Auckland, New Zealand, or
contact us for other payment options or if you're interested in trading for your own zine."

"I think my poem in this sucks" - Eamonn Marra
"P sure I haven't got anything in this so idk what is life" - James Duncan
"hahahaha shit. i don't know if you can even call what i wrote "poetry stuff." - Frances Carter

Also have #rare behind the scenes pic of the magic happening:

things i wrote whilst driving home from work

2011-08-23T17:52:00.003+10:00

paper pressed up against the steering wheel kind of swerving

every time i have got into this car today i have said out loud "fuckin' wanna die"

stopped at a red light, this is ok now

holy shit dark clouds on horizon making new mountains

feeling like i am driving into something ominous

grinning, feeling something close to doom

is "doom" an emotion, it should be idk

emo ass

going to die c/o writing whilst driving and listening to explosions in the sky

reckless as hell

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO HOME

2011-08-22T16:13:00.002+10:00

-mum is late to pick me up from the bus stop
-my cat waits out the front, as if she knew i was coming
-i eat all the leftovers i can find as soon as i get home
-have to sleep in a single bed
-get woken up by my sister going to school
-bring dirty clothes, forget things to sleep in and clean things to wear the day after i arrive, so have to wear crappy old things, often they have paint on them
-act as pacifier in arguments between mum and sister (usually about school, probably the most infuriating things to deal with ever)
-take a big stack of books, intent on reading most of them, never open a single one
-make mum buy expensive or novelty food items that i can't afford
-end up making all the meals for some reason (probably because one of the things i don't miss about home is mum's cooking)
-get conned into being something of a taxi driver for my sister
-weather permitting, lounge around on the grass and read a book
-go for a bike ride to the river
-feel pretty tranquil
-manage to only 'go out in public' once or twice either to
-hire a ridiculous amount of dvds or
-go to my favourite cafe in town
-spend a lot of time hanging out with my cat
-play piano
-play piano
-get asked to play piano with my sister, which actually means we choose from the limited pop songs i know (ie 'teenage dream'), look up the chords and sing them together because she is positively obsessed with harmony
-hang with my cat again
-start to get irritated by my family and bored by tranquility
-miss the sound of trains going past my bedroom window
-miss being in my giant ass bed
-freak out about not getting stuff done
-get the hell back to Melbourne

day in review 21/08/11

2011-08-22T13:20:00.002+10:00

I woke up at 9.30am. I got up and made two fried eggs on toast and peppermint tea. I watched an episode of Sex and the City. I felt really emotional because Carrie and Aiden broke up. I thought they were good together and I liked how Aiden sort of enveloped Carrie because she was so small. It seemed really nice and it felt comforting to me because I know that feeling and I want that feeling. I cleaned my room and had a shower. I wore black jeans, black hi-top converse, my grandma's jumper and my maroon jacket over top. This is my current "power-outfit" (i.e. the outfit that I feel the best in). I made my way up to Titirangi Village where I planned to get coffee and read. It was a really sunny day, but I got kind of tired walking uphill and I have this thing where I always walk fast no matter what. I got to the cafe and I was real hot so I sat outside. I ordered a soy mocha in a big ass bowl and a slice of carrot cake. I finished "Franny and Zooey" and then sat inside because I got too cold. Inside I wrote in my notebook. I txt Susie: "I am sitting at the cafe in Titirangi and they are playing Coldplay and I want to cry into my soy mocha". I sat inside for an hour maybe before I left to go to the supermarket. I bought 5 bananas, a baguette, falafel mix, 2x AAA batteries, Vogels 12 grain toast (12 grains seem a bit xtreme idk) and cranberry muesli bar things. On the walk home I discovered a painting exhibition so I went inside and looked at the paintings. The paintings I liked best used different tones of blue and grey. I liked how thick it looked, like I could touch it and my fingers could reach through the paint all the way down to the canvas. I also liked the paintings of birds. On my walk home I experienced the kind of happiness you can only feel when you are completely alone. When I got home my internet was working again, after 2 days of being broke ass. Immediately I began to feel depressed as I had only received 3 emails, all updates from good reads, and wondered if that was better than no emails at all. Seemed bleak. Went offline. Went to my parent's house to use their dryer. Sat in the living from so I could hear the dryer and read the entirety of "Vessel" by Brett Gallagher, "Charles Mingus, or, I Feel Like This Is How I'll Always Feel" by Giles Ruffer and half of "Don't Die Alone" by Michael Inscoe. I put a blanket over myself and my cat curled up beside me. During this time I ate a handful of potato chips and a pear. I got back home and made tofu and vegetables with rice. Video skyped with Susie. Felt a bit grim at this point, and was trying to explain to Susie how I felt pretty removed from other humans and I nearly cried maybe. We talked about other things and after that I felt okay. I felt normal. It is a good thing that I equate "normal" with "okay". Seems hopeful. I talked to James Duncan and listened to Julie Doiron. Worked on my latest zine for a lil while. Mainly went through old national geographics cutting out different pictures of the ocean. Went to sleep at 11:30pm.