sailing on the friend ship

Having Stacey visit me over the last week has led me to ponder friendship. People have been asking us how we met and the answer, less frowned upon in these times, is livejournal. We met in this music community called _indieandbitch_, started trading mix cds and writing letters and the rest is history. I'm sure Stacey wouldn't mind me saying that we actually get on quite well and our friendship hasn't been one of those horror internet stories (ie Stacey didn't turn out to be a rapist or a 13 year old boy from Tulsa), rather it has been an overwhelming success. I confess that I quite wish we didn't live in separate countries.

That thought right there made me start to think about the friends I do have in Australia. So in the tradition of Thought Catalog, here are the different types of friends that I have.

HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS
At high school I guess I was part of the 'misfit' group. We had band geeks, jocks, general geeks, christians, theatre nerds, gamers - we even had a black guy! The thing that brought us all together was the fact that we didn't really fit in with the run of the mill students and (dare I say) were probably smarter than most of them. We dispersed after uni, but I see some of these friends occasionally at birthday parties or on holidays. Some I've drifted away from, but some of these friends have ended up living in Melbourne. I'm happy to say that we're still pretty close. It's funny to see how we've grown into different friend circles in the city, but I'm really glad to have four or five people from high school who know me really really well. When I'm with them it's just so easy and I find them to be really grounding, you know? They make sure I don't turn into too much of a hipster.

UNI FRIENDS
Sometimes I feel as if I like my uni friends more than they like me, because having moved away from my home town I rely more on their friendship than they would mine. I have a pretty small group of uni friends, but we are quite close. We have been embarrassingly drunk together, bitched about tutors together, bitched about assignments, gushed about tutors, gushed about assignments, gushed about boys.. lots of gushing. Also lots of drinking. We are going to be friends for a long time I think.

WORK FRIENDS
Last year I worked at this amazing arts office at my university. The people there turned out to be the best ever and now I count them amongst my nearest and dearest. I still pop in there from time to time and help out at shows and things. It's nice to see how the staff there have evolved but continue to be quite supportive of me in both curricular and extracurricular sense but are also my buddies at the same time.

GIG FRIENDS
So I actually only have one gig friend. One of my uni friends tried to pair me up with a gig friend in first year but that didn't really take off. My friend Zoe who is my gig friend is also an "extended work friend". But the idea of having a gig friend is one I think about sometimes. I'm happy going to big gigs alone. For example I am going to Beach House next year by myself, but only because they are an international band and amazing. It's not like I'm going to miss out on seeing them just because I'll be there alone. For me, gig friends are necessary for local bands. The other week I wanted to go see/stalk a boy in a band and Zoe was more than happy to come along and support me in this endeavour, because I have done this same favour for her in the past. There's sort of a crowd that goes round to the same gigs in these parts, so you need to take protection lest you be considered a weirdie/loner for going alone.

EXTENDED WORK FRIENDS
Through the arts office last year I gathered a few extra chums. These folk often accompany me to gigs and art shows and other exciting things. For example, tonight we are going to the Last Tuesday Society! Through these extended friends and my work friends I have learnt about having older people as friends. If you don't know what it's like, I suggest you try it. It's nice having a wide age range of friends because then you get lots of different perspectives about life and all types of advice about what you should do or appreciate at this stage of your life.

EXTENDED UNI FRIENDS
My sister studies painting at the same university that I do, and incidentally, my high school friend is in the same course as her. As a result, I have found myself hanging out with a bunch of undergraduate artists over the years. My current housemate is actually one of them. These people are mostly delightful and amusing. There have been some good parties! And it's nice to be able to go to art shows and see people I know. Also in this category are friends of my uni friends who I have struck friendships with at parties and the like. I enjoy those kind because it gives my uni friends context.

VOICEWORKS
For those who don't know, Voiceworks is this quarterly literary magazine for writers under 25 that I volunteer for. When I first joined I was really intimidated by how witty and clever everybody on the committee was. I am feeling more a part of them now though and look forward to meetings. It's nice to be in a group of people who are ink addicts. IN THE WRITING WAY. I've also begun to think differently/more about how I write, what I want to write and why I write.

BLOG/ONLINE FRIENDS
To finish off where this whole thing started. I have some other friends who I have been introduced to online and then met in real life. One was this guy who drew comics and ended up living a block away from me. I still live in the same suburb so we see each other sometimes. Another friend I met on livejournal is a girl called Ellie who lives in England. We write letters to each other and I met her last Christmas. She's totally sweet in real life. The internet is a good way to meet people if you're shy. I don't know whether I'm actually "shy", but I do find that I express myself best with words, so the internet is helpful in that regard. It's nice when you meet people who you've known online and they turn out to be really fantastic. Or when you find out someone from real life has a really great blog. That's fun too. Oh and then there are those people you add on facebook and never talk to again. But that's not real friendship. Then there are people you know just through blogs and you get sent nice things from them and will hopefully meet them at Campus a Low Hum!

I have been known to say that I think people have friends for different reasons. There are people who bring out different parts of your personality, support you in different ways - creatively, humourously, ridiculously, absolutely, wholly, slightly, philosophically, emotionally, superficially, not really. But friends are good huh. In the past I've been concerned that I'm different around different people, but now a lot of these categorical lines are blurred, I think that most people would know me as me.

Day in review 28/11/10

Woke up at 11.30 and had fried eggs and ham for breakfast (8/10) then got ready and waited for Fraser and Andrew Murray to come over. Then we caught the train to da citay and got some snacks. From there we caught the tram to Zoe's party in Brunswick and drank cider stealthily out of a Mcd's paper bag (9/10 - stealth points). When we got there we drank lots of beer and talked and watched people play instruments and jumped on the trampoline (9/10). Laura made us this drink with butterscotch schnapps and hot milo and it was yum as (9/10). At several points of the day, me and Susie got into laughing fits, once on the train due to synchronized hand gestures, once on the tram due to crumb eye, and once at the party due to weird baths (10/10). Other highlights include Andrew Murray falling off the tramp, Zoe drumming out of time, awkward cockroach sighting, intense eye contact conversations, obscure question games, and general merriment (10/10). Towards the end when most people had left, me, Zoe and Susie had a phat dance to Best Coast, The Smiths and Beastie Boys in the living room (10/10) and then Tilly joined us and we jammed, with Tilly on guitar , Zoe on drums, me on maracas and Susie on tambourine. We sucked but it was pretty fun anyway (9/10). We stayed there from 3-9pm, getting progressively more drunk as time went along (8/10). Then we all decided to get some food, so we ventured out to this Vietnamese place. Me and Susie shared a tofu stack, dumplings and cashew nut chicken, it was most delicious (9/10). Then, since we were all practically falling asleep at the table, Fraser offered to pay for a cab home (10/10 for generosity) and we got home at about 11.30. Fantastic day with the loveliest of people 10/10.

hip hop hooray

Susie and I at Beardo exhibition

Melbourne Post 1

Hi guys. As you may or may not know, Stacey is currently in Melbourne. Therefore we have decided to do a q & a video post in the style of Being Blanche (only probably less funny and more sexy). The questions can be about anything, they can be anonymous, and as serious or silly as you wish.

E.g.
What flavour chips do you like most?
Have you ever been in love?
What's your favourite author?

You should post some because it would bum us out hard if nobody does it.

Love,
Susie and Stacey.

p.s. we like gin and tonics and laughing like idiots

going to georgia

"The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it's you and that you're standing in the doorway."

Goddamn, I love this song.

some things about stuff

Whilst going through our skype chat logs for the other thing, I discovered that Susie and I often declare our love for many inane things, as follows:

i love gmail
i love people who love animals
i love those image tumblrs
i love my job
i love neko case
i love the vulgarity of it
i love naan
i love scrapbooky notebooks
i love john safran
i love to be comfy
i fucking love that movie
i love you no matter what!
i love getting videos
i love being ironic in an overly girlish fashion
i love my sister
i love carrie, she is so fallible
i love that show so much
i love cat friends
i love you
i love those guys
i love pretending to be a middle aged poet
i love using nightmare as an adjective
i love girl musicians
i love your gutz babe
i love beginnings
i love robin hood
i love their friendship
i love that you think that about him
i love the bit where charlotte gets fierce at Big
i love the world

Also, here is my video post re: something beautiful (my cat Winnie):

this is whats up today

sun
beer
bad haircut
bad sunglasses
good music
good day

minimal needs

I have started listening to Deerhunter and I like this song. I thought the choruses were lush and leaning towards beautiful. A music teacher I had once would have called it a sonic bath.



If you download the album, another good track is He Would Have Laughed.

not sorry

mum, i love you, but please stop sending me forward emails

today i learnt that avocados are good for your uterus

what am i doing at 11:30pm on a saturday night reading Plato's Symposium? (fuck)

i always have the best harry potter-related dreams

i am experiencing feelings of extreme self-loathing during my friend's dance recital

i stand outside and just listen to the world

kindness is a good place to start

the thing about you and me is that we are not afraid to hurt each other

i miss being eighteen and just being so goddamn stupid

i just googled everybody i know

in my mind i swear quite a lot

"please love me"

Mine and Susie's skype conversations concerning boys:

Stace: i feel like i always need to find a boy to help me forget about the last boy
Susie: i feel like i am always whining about some boy who doesn't like me

Stace: goddamn boys
Susie: yeah they suck
Susie: but are awesome also
Stace: YES

Stace: i really need to study but it's just so dull and hard
Susie: like heartache
Stace: yes
Stace: and i have that too
Susie: me too

Susie: how good are boys
Susie: just to hang out with

Susie: i'm worried about you going near something like that again
Stace: i'm going to get hurt no matter what i do. i can't be afraid to get hurt

Susie: i want to bake some banana muffins
Susie: but i like to make them with dates
Susie: and i have no dates.
Susie: i'd like to GO ON A DATE

Susie: lolol omg the thing where your dad told you not to put out early!!!
Stace: i just had the biggest laughing fit of my life. awkwarrrrrd

Stace: i think it's funny that we call them boys even if they are like 28
Susie: yeah! i know

Susie: man the other night i was walking home
Susie: and i just felt like nobody would ever love me

this is our 300th post and it is about boys

I have called this poem 'hey love'

there is no hole in my heart, only fear.
fear of how if i stop to think about being
on a planet called earth in a solar system in a galaxy -
fear of how much that really freaks me out
fear of how they look at me when i say so
i'm trying to conquer fear with knowledge but
those books you have to read to learn are good
to throw when you get scared.

hey love, i think you can help me.
i think about times i slept with him and
i think it helps me sleep better so
i replay it over and over but
i'm not in a film or a book or a song so
it's just weird of me.

i wonder what will stop me feeling it and
i do not know you so
sometimes i convince myself
that you can fix this.

Topics

The topic this week is something Susie and I discuss on a daily basis: Boys. It may sound lame, but trust us on this one.

The video post can be about something you think is beautiful. It can be anything at all.

a whiny cat at the window

Twice this week I've said "I'm a bit of a city girl now". I moved to Melbourne almost three years ago to study. This week I've been visiting my mum in the country and have been feeling some weird feelings about "where I live" in relation to "who I am". I think it's a true statement in terms of my actions but inside me I'm really unsure.

In first year I lived in a tiny shoebox flat. It was in a student housing complex mostly accommodated by asian international students, who seldom spoke to me when I was in the lift and who I often heard screaming at alarming times of the morning. I've blocked most of that year out of my memory, but my one point of salvation that year was going for walks to the Carlton Gardens and writing in the park behind the Melbourne Museum. It was particularly delicious in the autumn when leaves swamped the grass with their crunchiness. During this time I noticed how much tubbier city possums were.

Second year I moved in with my high school bestie into our own little flat. We were so excited and proud of our little pad, but throughout the year I think we realised we couldn't ignore how different we are. We had some fun times though, exploring that suburb and getting to know Melbourne a bit more together. We would play dressups then go to do the weekly shop. I don't think you really understand the city until you get to know the suburbs a bit. I learnt that Hawthorn smells like jasmine and the importance of express trains.

My last move was for convenience. I stayed on my sister's loungeroom floor for a month or so until she moved out of her room which I promptly took. I am living there now but I really dislike it (anyone who reads my twitter would probably be aware of this). I'm still in Hawthorn, less east, and I am realising how much I do like the suburb. It doesn't matter that nothing happens there at night. When I go running I peer into the big beautiful mansions and wonder to myself how many families live there (probably one) and whether I could knock on the door and say that I'm their long lost cousin like I read in one of those creepy stories as a child.

Preparing to write this post really made me think about my experiences in the different places I've lived in. I don't have anything dramatic or overly philosophical to say about moving from the country to the city, only that it feels like I am a different person when I leave each place. When I was walking down the street this week I passed a girl I went to high school with and I thought about people for whom leaving town was never an option. Or maybe they left town but they came back. The things I like about the country aren't actually the people, it's the space, the quiet, the fact that it's where my family and my cat are. I barely leave the house when I go back to visit!

I'm currently facing another move which is really going to stress me out. I want to live in a little sharehouse with some friendly strangers, I've decided. It's just a daunting process. But exciting. Very exciting. I hope to find a place with a backyard as I feel this may solve all my problems. Speaking of problems, as per the subject title, I've got a cat to attend to.

My cartoon for the weekly topic is Babar. This episode was on telly the other day and I watched the entire thing. The little elephants are so cute!

do you think you're my other half

A new feature I'm going to call Things I Like On The Internet:

Poetry
Poetry
Poetry
Poetry/Video
Video
Video
Music
Picture
Science/Music/I don't know

six feet under

Brenda: We live, we die, ultimately nothing means anything.
Nate: How can you live like that?
Brenda: I don't know, sometimes I wake up so fucking empty I wish I'd never been born, but what choice do I have?

I remember everything

Getting into arguments over which kind of salt to buy,
The way my body fit your body so imperfectly,
The squishy mole on your back that I liked to squish,
The special language we had,
You holding all of the grocery bags so I didn't have to hold any even though I didn't mind,
Tracing over those two lines of your tattoo that never properly healed,
Assuming that we would be together forever,
Good times and bad times and in-between times,
Making out in Victoria Park on lunch breaks,
Me cooking dinner and you doing the dishes,
Knowing without saying,
Saying 'I love you' and most times meaning it but other times not really sure.

The way we can talk about all of this now with such clarity,
like it was a fictional story that we wrote,
or another life altogether.

Home is where I want to be

I live within the spaces that I inhabit: bedrooms, driveways, backyards, living rooms, lecture theatres, buses, city and suburban streets. I live within the world that I've made for myself. Within this world there are places that I call home. These are all places that I can go to and be myself. I like this feeling of 'home'. But the meaning of home is not limited to places. It can be things, it can be smells or sounds or words or feelings, and it can be people. You know sometimes when you are with someone and it just feels like you are home wherever you are? There is just that sense of cohesion. A lot of the time home can be just wherever all of my stuff is. My books, my clothes, my laptop, my bed, and all of the little knick knacks that make me who I am. I suppose it doesn't matter where you live, as long as you feel like you are 'home'.



SNOOPY MAKES EVERYONE SMILE

a movie

Ever since I saw The Social Network I have been feeling weird. I don't know whether the weirdness can be attributed to something simple like a realisation of how much time I spend on facebook. I think it's more of a realisation that it's an irreversible change to how we are now sociable. Zadie Smith wrote a very thorough article about the film and its implications (yes that's an essay word, but I frankly think I'm entitled to use it after three years of university) for our generation. After I realised that it went for over three pages I nearly gave up - my poor attention span! - but it's worth it. It made me think a few things about facebook that I've thought before, others that I haven't. She analyses the movie in a way that pleased me and has brought up welcome discussion with others.

When I went to see the movie I felt kinda odd afterwards, and not just because I had ice cream in my hair and on my hands (face fortunately free from chocolate), despondent (although that's not unusual) even. Smith's article argues that the current primary mode of communication for our generation has been dreamt up by this one guy Zuckerberg and that as a result, all our personalities are filtered through the different categories he believes define a person, eg, interests, music, books, film, quotations (just check your info page). Zadie Smith gets pretty angry about that. I don't know whether I really mind that sort of categorisation of people or even the other stuff that irks her about the site (shameless self-promotion/careful representation of appearance/all the general bullshit that we do to make ourselves appear a certain way online), I think it's just the fact that there seems to be less actual face time.

I get upset by the amount of time I have to spend on a computer and then when I get on a computer I waste time on facebook instead of actually doing the things that I have to do, which, if completed before wasting time on the 'book, would not take me that much time anyway. One of the things brought up in the article that I'm really glad about is the disturbing way that death is dealt with on facebook. Read it.

I guess I've never really been an outdoors person and the simple act of "being online" is something that lazy people such as myself can get into quite easily. I felt uneasy as the credits of The Social Network rolled and the lights came on. The place was full - there had been lines as we purchased our tickets (though the film did just open) - and everyone was buzzing talking to each other. I just knew that 75% of us were on our way to post something about it on facebook. When I left my friend, I even tried to load my own page as I was waiting for my tram. It didn't load so I played "Klondike" on my iPod instead. I wrote this really lame thing in my notebook the next day: screen to screen to ice cream to iScreen. (How dumb is Klondike? Why isn't it just called Solitaire? I felt proud of myself because I finished a few games earlier in the week and finally got into real $$, as opposed to negative money.) It's a good thing nobody watches tv anymore.

At the beginning of this post, I wanted to write something about how bizarre the whole phenomenon is with facebook, but I've been putting it off because writing about it only encourages it, it being the reliance that I (and others, I'm told) seem to have on this site. Then the other half of my brain chimes in with "it's not really that bad!". I have a tendency to argue within my mind (endlessly) and as a result things of worth seldom come out of it. The thing that I haven't heard anybody say about The Social Network (and the final thing I'm going to torture ya'll with for now) is that it's actually really funny. Best part is where Zuckerberg corrects one of the lawyers who refers to the Winklevoss twins as Winklevosses. Zuckerberg interjects: "Winklevi".

Footloose

Thanks David!

i am like october when i am dead

www.steveroggenbuck.com

sorry if your last name is actually a hard g (susie laughed when i used the term 'hard g')

stay and keep me safe

i stand at the corner of the street and think that i would quite like a rainbow paddlepop

it weirds me out when people are really sure of themselves (self-esteem issues are endearing)

it is very cold in this room so i wrap my cardy around me extra tight

i want to go for a run but i have misplaced my hair tie

my sadness feels like when you get pins and needles and there is that unbearable numbness just before you regain the feeling in your limbs again

i keep getting pen on my shirt and then saying 'shit' under my breath

i just asked a moth very politely to get off my bed

today on my run i stopped to pat a white cat

i turn my music off to listen to the sound of the rain

during dinner i hit you because you were being a dick and you nearly spilled your miso soup

i have way too much lollies and chocolate in my bag for a grown up person

detox countdown

I have started running. Mostly I did it because I have immobility fear after finishing uni. With no reason to leave the house, why on earth would I? The activities I do now are mostly watch shows on my laptop (watched an entire season of Entourage last Tuesday, finished a season of Family Guy over the week - this is serious) and think about what I'm going to eat next. A sedentary (to be fair, more sedentary than usual) lifestyle often leads to weight gain, and this I cannot tolerate. I also have decided that I will not drink until Stacey comes to visit (Nov 23rd). When I tell people I'm doing this "detox" they raise their eyebrows and it seems like they don't believe I can do it. I CAN I TELL YOU, I CAN!

Here are some reasons why I have started running.

1. I want to try to be consistent and reliable. With few constants in my life, it's nice to have something to return to. I am frightened about my concentration levels and my general aptitude for things, so it's good that

2. Running requires no skill or intellect. Once you start, you're halfway there. 

3. It gives me a sense of superiority. I'm usually one of those people who envy the exercising. NO MORE I SAY

4. Clarity. Now, I don't feel "good" or anything the entire time I go running, but when I am on the walk back home from the park I feel more focused and accomplished. I also feel proud of myself.

5. One time visiting my mum I went for a walk around the town and an old man passed me out for a spin on his scooter. He said "good evening" and I was startled so I didn't say anything. It  made me think about how lucky I am to be completely mobile and I thought about how my older self would feel if I waste these young years of relative health. If I start to get tired during my run I think of that man and push myself a bit harder.

You should know that I don't actually run the entire time. I have walk breaks and am quite easy on myself, though in the week that I have been doing it I've already noticed an improvement in my breathing and such. Consistency is a wonderful thing! 

Speaking of wonderful things...

On that note, this week's video post is cartoons. Pick a bunch from fave childhood movies or just scenes that you like now! And the writing topic.. how about something lame like "where I live"? Also just for kicks, you (the reading public) should leave us a comment and tell us where you live!

Friend of the night

Hello. I just had my last exam and I am finished uni until March. I am so happy. I am going to have a pasta party, which basically just consists me of eating pasta with my music turned up really loud.

I made two zines in Aug/Sept. One is about buses and one is about love. I am printing a small amount of each next week. If you want a copy of them email me: staceteague@gmail.com or comment. I like sending people stuff, so it's no big deal. Alternatively I'll just give it to you in "real life".

very belated 'books I am reading' video

Doing video posts when my housemate is home/awake is awkward because in my flat you can hear pretty much everything the other is saying (she has to keep her door open so the kitties can use the litter tray in the hallway). So that's why it sounds like I am... all husky-like. I also apologise for my weird teeth and the faces pulled.



I have been reading Ideas for a few years now, since I got it for Christmas in 2006, but have recently decided that I should give it a real go. When I say "it's about when people started thinking about stuff" it really is. He starts from when man went from being whatevertheyweres (homonids? cannot remember) to sentient beings, when the idea of using fire was initiated, when people started hunting and so on. I'm only up to when religion began. It's unusual but nice for me to read something nonfiction. By Grand Central Station.. on the other hand is almost too poetic for me to read, despite its distinctly smaller size. I have been taking it around in my bag, attempting to read it on the train but as my train journey is only 12-15 (20 on a bad day) minutes, one does not have much time to invest in the intricate recount of the affair Elizabeth Smart had with some poet back in the day.

Also in recent book news I finally read Josephine Rowe's How a Moth Becomes a Boat and I would probably recommend it to most people because, even though there was only one that made my heart go "oh" in a contemplative way, I think that people who are interested in how we write here would really connect with it on that level too.

Finally, if you're viewing this post in a reader, why don't you visit the blog site, we've updated the layout! Leave us a comment and tell us what you're reading. Or whether the layout is too girly.

The Fear

Mel posted this on her blog.

She talks about 'The Fear' which is short for The Fear of Dying Alone. People want so much just to not be alone that they will take whatever they can get. As much as I am scared of The Fear, I am even more scared of settling. Technically, we all die alone. Probably the thing we are really afraid of is not having someone to spend our days with. You know, just someone to pass the time with. I find it weird when people want kids, marriage, mortgage etc, but apparently that's normal (I keep forgetting). I can't picture myself with any of those things. I don't like to visualize the future.

I am not a love cynic, but maybe after a few more broken hearts I might be. I guess I am willing to take on the heartache. I want to risk it. I don't believe in The One, I just think that there are some people out there that are more suited to people than others. For me, I'd say (in NZ) there are approximately 16 boys. That is my guess.

Being single can be nice, it's true. I've been one of those people who has fallen into one relationship after the next and it's actually a little embarrassing. So I'm a single person now, and it's okay. I just want some time by myself, even if it is lonely. It is good for a person to get used to being by themselves. Also, the right guy doesn't just walk up to you/add you on twitter and fall madly in love with you every day does he?

(A: No)
but just in case:
twitter.com/staceteague