49

i woke up
and in my mind i thought
"mutha fuuucka"
in that exact spelling
i had a shower
then i ate some vogels toast with marmite

on the bus to the city
there was a cute boy sitting opposite me
he was wearing nice pants
i imagine him at home
putting on his pants thinking
"man, these are nice"
and then feeling really good about himself

at the downtown warehouse
i bought a new red backpack
for $5
and it had an extreme effect on my self-esteem
as i walked up queen street

i even talked to one of those guys with the clipboards
who try to make you become a member of something
and make you feel like a really bad person for saying no
he was this hippie dude and we talked for a while
then i went into farmers
and bought some socks

during my walk home it was raining so i put up my umbrella
i twirled it above my head
and when i looked up
the blue bits looked like the blades of a blender
or something
it was buzzy

in the evening
i got home and made
tofu and risotto
i burnt the rice a little
but it was all good
on skype i said to susie
that loneliness felt like a tightness in my chest
kind of like heartburn
but maybe it's just heartburn

i realised i hadn't seen or heard any current events in the past week
i thought, “what is going on in the world”
i checked stuff.co.nz
how 'bout that royal wedding

looked at the clock and it said '10:59'
one minute later i looked at the clock and it said '11:01'
i thought, "what,
this cannot be"

i am tired
i am taking off my socks