elixir

a dance performance by xinia alderson

going to dance shows is something i ordinarily wouldn't do, not because i'm opposed to it, it just never crosses my mind to do so. it's only because i'm friends with a dancer that i've been exposed to dance (mostly contemporary), either by seeing her shows or by going to shows with her. this show in particular was important to me, as it was the first show produced by xinia's own dance company.

the show was inspired by zines, specifically it was inspired by a zine that i made about love, and there are some direct and indirect references to it throughout. although i feel it was more of a starting off point, an idea which evolved into something different over time. the show itself encapsulates so much of what a young life can be: silly, sad, sexy, awkward, getting drunk, making a dick of yourself, maru the cat (?), and hard out pashing (both people and inanimate objects). i suppose the most accurate thing that i can say about this show is that it was idiosyncratic. every piece was just another one of xinia's little mannerisms (sometimes literally). it was obvious to me that she put a lot of herself into it, and allowed each of the dancers to bring their own personalities to it also.

the surprising thing for me was how funny it was, and i was even crying with laughter at one point. i found the contrast between the goofiness and "profesh" dancing really hilarious. they'd go from contemporary to ballet to hip hop to [another type of dance why can i not think of others] to how you would dance in da club or in your room if no one was watching.

as well as the live dancers, there was a live band who played throughout the show. they did a cover of a mountain goats song 'broom people', which the dancers stood and just listened to (which seemed really nice), occasionally singing in unison to the chorus. felt really joyous. there was also a movie which was projected onto a sheet, of the dancers, just playing around and being goofy. made you feel even closer to the performance via feeling like you know the dancers themselves.

this show in particular made me think differently about a human body and what it can do/what it is for. bodies are not so much piles of meat and bone, but more akin to water or air or anything that flows. especially when you see dancers putting their bodies together, it transcends anything sexual and instead becomes about beauty, skin and movement, the spaces between things, fluidity.

everything in this show is 100% xinia, and watching it as her friend made me incredibly happy and proud of what she has achieved. me and my friends could barely contain our laughter, excited whispers, inappropriate clapping and at one point an even more inappropriate mexican wave.

xinia, we know what the inside of your head looks like now, it is funny and a little creepy but we like it.

(the programme was a zine, real good)

yesterday I watched Twilight

I'm going to lean on you on the train

pretend my eyes are closed

and stare at our reflection in the window.

summer zine

just made this zine
it is part 3 of my seasons series

if you want it you can email me and i will send it to you

staceteague@gmail.com

movies to make u feel ~better

the other day ben tweeted this thing that i thought was a pretty interesting thing re: movies 'where nothing bad happens' & i decided it would be kewl to offer ppl a list of the films that i have watched a million times / the ones that make me feel either 'nothing' or 'okay' after finishing watching them
the thing is, you can't watch a movie where anything overly bad happens or you are easily reminded of something bad that happened in yr own life. so you definitely can't watch something like UP! (or other disney films) while you could probably watch something like 'pirates of the caribbean' because it's so swashbuckling and such that you're able to separate it from yr own life.

my feeling is that you have to have seen a film before for it to make you feel better, but not too recently, and be acquainted with your general emotions to the key scenes, if possible. nothing with too much of an 'emotional rollercoaster' or a thoughtful plotline i guess

he's just not that into you
- pivotal scene in this movie is set to that keane song 'somewhere only we know'
- ginnifer goodwin is a non-threatening, cute protagonist
- enough storylines for you to not get overly attached, but to have favourites
- bradley cooper + scarlett johanssen gettin sexy
feels like a cast of people you can count on

never been kissed
- some classic drew barrymore
- the undercast michael vartan is a total fox
- quotable ass lines 'you know what's a weird word? fork' / 'someone ate my entire pie' etc
- final scene set to the beach boys 'don't worry baby' which is good advice

similarly, clueless and 10 things i hate about you - both slightly more complicated or upsetting maybe because each has a dead cast member now

office space
- nothing seems to happen
- generally amusing throughout
- main guy is p cute
- good choons

superbad, knocked up or stepbrothers are good candidates but there are bits of these films that hover dangerously close to making you feel something

ferris bueller's day off
- nothing actually happens in this film
- matthew broderick is kinda hot when he's young
- his gf is a fox
- the parade scene where he sings 'twist and shout'
- be wary of the scene where cameron freaks out in the pool

feel like if parks & recreation had a movie then all of this would be void and it would just be that movie, all the time. alternatively just watch s1-4 of parks & rec, over and over. suggestions are v welcome.

DO NOT WATCH
- changeling, somewhere, lost in translation, science of sleep, mermaids, reality bites, gattaca, UP!, bambi

top 10 animals of the week

1. cats
2. lorikeets














3. mallard duck
4. grey duck
5. pekin duck
6. muscovy duck
7. paradise duck















8. mynas
9. new zealand scaup















10. canada geese

mantra

Feet move swiftly on London pavements, clacking in stereo. The smell of the Jubilee line stays; clutch the hum and warmth of the underground to you like a shawl. Grey buildings with warm lights reveal suits with brogues, glowing orange under high ceilings. Cornices and a pot of tea in every room, Big Ben watching deadlines, towering. St Paul’s and the wobbly bridge not too far away, the Pickle a bashful beacon to get your bearings, the Shard promising more and more. Hours disappearing at Barbican, dark corners at the Tate Modern, looking for secondhand treasures in Spitalfields, market hubbub on weekends, wear your best dress – it’s Saturday night in Shoreditch.

Three floors of TopShop on Oxford street, Canary Wharf window reflections, tinkling pianos during high tea, slowly rotating on the wheel. Catching pigeons sneaking scraps from  bins outside the National Portrait Gallery, lost in crowds at Trafalgar Square, so in it, deep in Picadilly Circus. Make a decision: House of Fraser, M&S, Harrod’s. Leave the choice behind. Flee through winding cobblestones, your desperation seeping through alleyways. Find foggy solace in Hyde Park, lost in the world but for your squirrels and bronze companions. Calm yourself, stroll. The knowing will come. Know that London is what you want to get to know. This is the place; yes, there is something here for you.

today's mail

c/o these two babin' ass babes

mail wall will be happy, nom nom nom

jst whatevs idek

i want your half hearted half hugs

seems like the jubilee line is always just a lil smelly

kept thinking the smog lyric 'well they say black is all colours at once' when stepping from the pavement to the road

the way to pronounce fings is the way the train announcements do

brb jst changeing at baker street


a body in constant need of repair

who will be the person i do cuddles with next

leaning over my knees whilst on the toilet wanting to fold myself v small


these words have different shapes but they all mean 'i miss you. i'm coming back'

mother & middle aged son on the train
son: i was debauched
mother: do i ask with who...

hearing 'put it in a butthole' in my head to the tune of 'moving to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches'

on the train young mum yells at baby to shut up, sister with cornrows tries to give advice like 'calm down, we're nearly home'


every time after work i want to tweet 'thanks to everyone who spoke to me on the phone today'

when i see beautiful people on the train i think 'jeeze london, why you so sexy????' in crispin's voice

whats so great about portland street

im a grimy fella dw bout it

making lists of the list type blog posts i want to do


just thought 'these bags are HEAVY' in will smith's voice re: my eyes lol

just thought 'he's one of the good ones' about no one in particular

85

in the long grass
it smells like peppermints
and we lay down amongst it
pulling it over us like blankets

the field that is stretched out before us
is an ocean that hums
like oxygen in lungs
ebbing and flowing

the sunlight is your hands on my skin
warm liquid moving through the air

high above us
the branches are breaking

there are birds up there too
they talk to each other
in their foreign languages

we do not talk
but there are things that are implied
in the movements of our bodies

we are aware of
the way bumblebees move from flower to flower, tenderly
the sound a blackbird makes searching for worms in the honey-coloured leaves
how the tree above us looks like a big fluffy dog
each other's lips

hours pass like this
time is measured by the shadows our bodies make

it is that time of day now

an almost-darkness
spreads through us
like a slow tide

light and dark become tangible
we can feel their presence
moving all around us

we lie beneath the trees
looking at the giant dog

he bends down towards us
and licks our faces clean

v day

best parts of my valentines day:

- ducks
- playing with my dog
- being 'in charge' at bird rescue
- cool volunteers at BR
- patting a neighbourhood cat and then he/she followed me home
- getting chapbooks in the mail
- tofu salad
- almost finished making my zine
- hannah made bread
- scorched almonds
- video call james
- this lil lady:

col, maj, gen

foreign laundry excapades (in reverse order):
hostel laundry
cost: £4.50 (extortion), inc washing powder. drying on my bunk and the heater in dorm

my auntie anne's. x 3 or 4
cost: free. drying in the kitchen and on the aga

crispin's
cost: his love & affection. drying on the radiator, not knowing how to control the fricken thing

auntie ronnie's
cost: free. she uses gallons of fabric softener.. awesome.. drying in the airing cupboard.

ellie's
cost: free. was in desperate need of clean clothing by this stage. fanks mate.

jacob's
cost: free. jacob's place doesn't have a washing line which i found pretty weird. although australians did invent the hills hoist, if i'm not mistaken. but i figured floridians would just dry errythang outside due to sunshine. but nope, drying in a dryer, some things hanging up. learnt about 'dryer sheets'

downstairs at caro's
cost: like $3? drying extra. was fulfilling a great need.

---

a movie about octopus reproduction

just keep thinking the phrase 'nach australien'

staring at beards & butts, miscellaneous european piercings.

love when middle aged men at galleries explain art to each other, all loafers and leather bags

wear a dress, it's saturday, you're going out in shoreditch

can you think of anything more important than a mesh staircase. dm me.

---

just thinking about the different showers i've had. arms up, wailing at the faucet, letting things - grief, embarrassment, sadness - follow water down the drain

black tea, wet hair, no pants. balancing

want to cut my hair but then what will i casually put across my upper lip like a lil moustache

thinking about where all the abandoned Us from words are. in a big pile somewhere desolate and flat, then all of a sudden there's just ravine after ravine of Us, all fonts, all colours

water beats down on my boobs sort of violently, feels like a person is slapping them around in a non-threatening way. seems good and safe to be in this steamy, warm chamber of water.

wat... do i have a subconscious thing for boys with weird names and beards... seems like i have a conscious thing for burritos..  i'm going to walk you home, burrito

Pale Marble Movie

http://soundcloud.com/staceteague/pale-marble-movie

found a new reading nook in my room, real good

hop on, hop off

over the past 6 months it has seemed generally that thought catalog has strayed from posting the things that attracted me to it in the first place, but over the last week there have been some things i really enjoyed

on finding the right place to live
because at the moment i am looking for a flat in london and um it's kinda really hard woooo. the other day i was hanging out with laurens 'chillbro' verdonkschot and he said 'so what prompted this whole europe thing' or something to that effect and it seemed like a pretty legit question. the answer i give is usually something like 'because when i was 16 i decided that i would "get lost in europe" after i finished university'. and so i am here. but, before i left, i had this incredible sense of wellbeing about my life in melbourne. i adored it and felt like i couldn't feel more happy with a place, with my friends or where i lived at that present moment in time. yet i left it all. and so.

how to miss someone
just think this is going back to the good ole tc days. and seems like the second paragraph was stolen from me. i have been away for 3 months and to be honest, it doesn't seem like it has been that long. it feels like the things that happened last year were a long time ago. but in a good way. in the way that makes me feel good about my decision to stay away for a while, because it assures me that the rest of the time will go quickly enough, but that i will still have a good time. most people's reaction to this is 'of course you'll have a good time! you can say you lived in the uk for a while' etc etc. but far away from the things i love and know, i am not sure what people do with their lives. when you can't txt a friend to come around, when you don't know where you're walking, starting to feel guilty and grow anxious when you have no plans for the day. and gradually, it seems less and less like there is a point to making plans, to seeing things, in talking to people, leaving one place and going to another. just wanna live in that one night forever, awake in the trees.

other relevant stuffs, in anticipation of our poetry poddy

um hello, emma cherry
"maybe I am a flood or a ghost / but I've laid your heart out on the front lawn / and here I'll watch him weep"

ladies & gentlemen, vicki tingle
"how do you really 'know' / if you have made a mistake with a bro / when all bros just resemble other bros"

seems link i never read anything of frank hinton's before now, but mega <3 for that story

gabby gabby get it gurl

crispin & ben nailin it

& the other blog post i've been drafting for a while is a giant list of infinite thank yous to people i have met over the past 3 months, those who let me stay with them and so on. sort of magical beings, beautiful people, who i would gladly repay with similar kindness.

i am beginning to think 'f' instead of 'th' and speak sometimes with upwards inflections, it is weird,,,, but that is how the girls speak here and i promise you, i am one of those

day in review 01/02/12

I wake up an hour before my alarm goes off and stay in bed with my laptop. When my alarm goes off at 9.30, I get up and make toast and coffee. I put on music and I sit outside in the warmth and eat my toast. I have a cigarette with my coffee. I have a shower and put clothes on. I am wearing denim shorts and a blue collared shirt with my red backwards cap. I work on my zine a bit and talk to Susie via skype. At 11am I get a bus that takes me to New Lynn, this costs me $1.60. From there I get straight on a bus to K'Rd, this costs me $4.40. When I arrive on K'Rd I go to Alleluya cafe and order a soy mocha. I read 'Richard Yates' by Tao Lin and write in my notebook. At 12.30, Alice meets me at the cafe and we talk and drink coffee for an hour maybe, then we go to the Hare Krishna restaurant for lunch. Afterwards we walk around, go to some bookstores, and both end up buying Richard Brautigan books. We say goodbye and I go to my bus stop. My bus comes at 3.25pm and it costs $3.30. There are lots of annoying schoolchildren on the bus. I arrive at work and spend three hours cleaning things, petting cats, etc. My boss offers to give me a lift home b/c he is a real cool/nice guy. We talk a lot in the car about animals mostly, and I feel positive about things. I get home and Hannah is making dinner, just a whole bunch of vegetables with garlic and ginger. I eat the food and it is good in my belly. Our other friend comes over and we sit in the living room, talking. I put on some Drizzy Drake and work on my zine. At 10.30pm, I skype James. During this time my friends call out to me from Hannah's room b/c there is a huge ass bug flying around and they want me to catch it and put it outside. I manage to do so after a series of unintentionally hilarious maneuvers. We skype until 1am. I try to sleep but I can hear a mosquito flying around in my room. I turn on my light and try to find it but I can't so I just eat half a snickers bar and then fall asleep.

people i met at a party last week

emily andersen
real nice girl from melbourne who was hosting the party, used to be the gm of express media. just a chill gurl living her lief in london. felt nice to be able to gush about melbourne things. goss goss. emily had a nice dress on and those cool stockings with the seam at the back. she insisted we all watch the final of celebrity big brother and in doing so taught me about feminism and having crushes on 19 y/o boys..!

tim
flatmate of emily. had like salt and pepper looking hair. seemed like an ok bro and persisted with dancing at 4am. at one point tim was talking to this other guy about being in love with a girl who didn't know. the other guy was saying that he should just go for it. but tim was saying he couldn't, maybe. and then marz said that by being so single-minded about a girl he could or would never tell meant that he was closing himself off from potential. she gestured around the party at this point. tim seemed a bit quiet or down. but mostly he was doing the dancing good.

marz
that night, marz had a sore throat. she was struggling to make herself heard by most people. one of the first things i heard her say was 'ben cousins'. she taught me about 'new kids on the block' and made me feel a bit gen y by dancing to it saying 'how can you not know this bit!!'. she had a cool outfit on and told me she works in tv and worked on noel fielding's new show and noel fielding said 'i know it's not your job but.. i'm dying.. would you please go get me a yorkie' and marz said 'i don't know what that is' and noel said 'just go to the shop and ask and get 2'. marz went to get them - they are chocolate bars - and returned and noel said 'the other one is for you, you can't work on my show and not know what a yorkie is'. at another point in the evening she was talking about a car crash she had in a suburb of melbourne i vaguely know. i nodded wisely like a lil aussie owl when she said the suburb and she went 'yeahh, you know'. she had a really big car crash there.

caroline
caroline had 3 tones of brown in her hair. or maybe 2 browns and a blonde. either way it was like one of those hyena haircuts. she had spotty tights on and an accent that was so wonderfully suburban aussie, just like she will never lose it and i envied that. she is doing work for gumtree at the moment but back home was working in publishing. she had good advice to offer about things. i don't know how she knows emily. she ended up making out with john!

patch
some people have lovely eyes, but then there are other people that have normal eyes which manage to be more beautiful simply because they are earnest eyes. i feel like patch had these wide earnest eyes going on. his teeth were too big and square but he smiled with them in an eye-matching way. at about 4am i went outside for a cig and he was there, i had sort of wanted to be alone with him in a normal way, not the devious way, but just to see what patch had to offer. it was a v cold night that night and he said something about how he was going to go for a walk and i mumbled something about solitude and he said it was ok. then he started talking about winter aesthetics, how he studied aesthetics at uni i think, and the shapes that the branches make in the sky. and i said that i thought the reason that skylines in the uk are so grey is because all the trees have no leaves. probably i led with 'ya'll need more evergreen'. and he said that bare trees are more beautiful because you can see the shapes. maybe some other things too but i was shivering so i went indoors. after that conversation patch sat on the couch with his hands on his eyes, txting and swigging from a bottle of gin occasionally.

john
said he works at 'forbidden planet' and that sometimes they have to close the store down for famous people to go shopping. said he worked in a pub near mt isa in queensland, essentially in the outback. he said during this time there was not much to do and he grew very bored, but read a lot and did a lot of running. i liked hearing about this type of solitude. in australia there are a lot of tiny dots of towns and i sort of grew up around a bunch of them and the idea of a uk bro ending up there sort of amused me. he said he was used to warm climates, though, because he actually grew up in south africa.

3 girls emily used to work with at a charity
one of these girls was irish, from cork. i just kept thinking 'lol cork' and 'why do irish accents sound a bit american'. she had a piercing through one of her nails, which seems utterly ridiculous to me and like it would get in the way more than simply having long nails would. one was a shortish blonde girl with glasses, who seemed pretty sassy and by the sounds of it, seemed like maybe she was from cambridge. she amused me. the other was wearing a pair of boots that i had considered buying. we all had a conversation about education systems and teaching. i have had that conversation a lot of times now and i like to take part in it.

ryan
emily's other flatmate. a tall ginger sound engineer from melbs. i didn't actually talk to him but i was pleased by the melb hipster vibes he was radiating. i could see he was wearing bonds undies, which made me feel more nostalgic for my country than australia day ever could. [although today i realised that seeing the date 26th january written as a mere date made me feel strange, guess we always write it 'australia day'].

2 girls with long black hair
one of these girls looked up when the first train started for me. i was told their names but i couldn't hear over the music which seemed to be going quite loud despite it being past 5am. it was really sweet that both of them said 'it was nice to meet you' to me when i couldn't even be nice enough to ask them again what their names were.

super beautiful girl who i decided would be my lezzie 'end of the world'
this girl spoke at me across the room and said 'cool ring, where'd you get it' and i didn't know how to explain myer to her so i just said 'a department store'. she suggested i wear it upside down so when i am greeted by dignitaries the owl eyes will be looking at them in the eyes. she had long black hair and delicate features.