30/07/12

sitting on the floor of my room eating 'cheesy aliens'

today i walked down the main street of the city and it seemed like i was in a movie montage, if the movie montage showed dumb girls wearing beanies feeling sad yet strangely empowered

the city is a good place to feel lonely
but really, anywhere is

i remember feeling the most alive as i looked at the wild sea through a bus window

i pushed my emotions somewhere into the periphery
they sink beneath the sea

i don't know if i had ever seen the sea that colour before
or if the colour even has a name

i am interested in the things that cannot be named

all i know is that the waves spat at the rocks its heavy foam
and i watched as it sprayed upwards
the waves are so tiny now
all the tiny little waves

sometimes feeling fucked is okay
the recklessness that it entitles
i look forward to that

"there's nothing inside me you need to know"

i found a note about a dream i had:

found a patch of grass by a river, it was beautiful
we wriggled into the water and the waves hit us
the water felt like air, nothing had texture
i felt afraid

i'm too tired not to be with you
but i think that's a quote from a movie

i forget what i love all the time