25/01/13

i can't concentrate on anything long enough to know what it is that i'm feeling or thinking before i either fall back asleep or look at my twitter feed

in defense of someone i said that they are just doing the best they can but they feel all kinds of things that accidentally make other people feel shitty, it's the same for me, for everyone else

i feel v aware that i am capable of fucking up my life here and that i might even do it if i get bored enough

everyone is stuck some place, with some one
i feel interested in that

when i close my laptop, hide my phone and crawl beneath the covers
i can slip away from the world
that is a cool trick i can do

it is bad to rely on one person for happiness, i'd rather just rely on myself
the only thing about that is loneliness
ugh

you said not to treat people as anchors
but that's all we do essentially

i want different things depending on what time of day it is

i want far away things

the reality is that i get what i want and then i don't want it anymore
seems cliche
in a way i feel bad but my feelings are instinctual
it's like trying to change the direction blood flows around your body by will alone

and i like the word instinctual, that is every thing i do

in the way that writing is just another function of my body
also, i don't even remember making a decision to kiss you, i just kissed you and that was that

the things that happen seem to happen without me ever having to do anything really

someone reblogged a poem you wrote about me on tumblr, when you wrote it, i thought it was bad

welcome to your new life as a shitty human