Today I sat in the park watching a little girl playing. She was rolling down a hill. First, for her parents. Second, to show off her skills to the little boy who was on the hill with his mum.
I nearly cried because I just wanted to be able to roll down the hill and for that to make me so joyous. But my life has long ceased being so simple and even if I had rolled down a hill for a little while, it wouldn't last and then I'd have to pick myself up and go do something that I'm meant to.
In general, I feel like I'm a marionette, suspended above my life, and someone else usually makes me move and do things but they've gone away for a little while so all I can do is lie limply in my tiny room. All I feel is anger that they've left me here without any means of fixing my situation.
Sometimes I wish that instead of speaking I could just open my mouth and guitar sounds would come out. You see, I'm awful at consoling people because I can never think of words that I really mean. But I can usually think of a piece of music that would at first seem at place in the situation (ie; sad broken heart music) but then turns into something else that just makes you feel better (ie; the part of the song where it switches from mopey to all 'fuck that person' rockout awesome rock).
ReplyDeleteIn this situation my voice would be emulating the guitars and things from the song 'Be Good' by Tokyo Police Club.
It can always bring me back to the life I hang above.
I don't really know what I'm saying.
I don't think in words.