day in review 21/08/11

I woke up at 9.30am. I got up and made two fried eggs on toast and peppermint tea. I watched an episode of Sex and the City. I felt really emotional because Carrie and Aiden broke up. I thought they were good together and I liked how Aiden sort of enveloped Carrie because she was so small. It seemed really nice and it felt comforting to me because I know that feeling and I want that feeling. I cleaned my room and had a shower. I wore black jeans, black hi-top converse, my grandma's jumper and my maroon jacket over top. This is my current "power-outfit" (i.e. the outfit that I feel the best in). I made my way up to Titirangi Village where I planned to get coffee and read. It was a really sunny day, but I got kind of tired walking uphill and I have this thing where I always walk fast no matter what. I got to the cafe and I was real hot so I sat outside. I ordered a soy mocha in a big ass bowl and a slice of carrot cake. I finished "Franny and Zooey" and then sat inside because I got too cold. Inside I wrote in my notebook. I txt Susie: "I am sitting at the cafe in Titirangi and they are playing Coldplay and I want to cry into my soy mocha". I sat inside for an hour maybe before I left to go to the supermarket. I bought 5 bananas, a baguette, falafel mix, 2x AAA batteries, Vogels 12 grain toast (12 grains seem a bit xtreme idk) and cranberry muesli bar things. On the walk home I discovered a painting exhibition so I went inside and looked at the paintings. The paintings I liked best used different tones of blue and grey. I liked how thick it looked, like I could touch it and my fingers could reach through the paint all the way down to the canvas. I also liked the paintings of birds. On my walk home I experienced the kind of happiness you can only feel when you are completely alone. When I got home my internet was working again, after 2 days of being broke ass. Immediately I began to feel depressed as I had only received 3 emails, all updates from good reads, and wondered if that was better than no emails at all. Seemed bleak. Went offline. Went to my parent's house to use their dryer. Sat in the living from so I could hear the dryer and read the entirety of "Vessel" by Brett Gallagher, "Charles Mingus, or, I Feel Like This Is How I'll Always Feel" by Giles Ruffer and half of "Don't Die Alone" by Michael Inscoe. I put a blanket over myself and my cat curled up beside me. During this time I ate a handful of potato chips and a pear. I got back home and made tofu and vegetables with rice. Video skyped with Susie. Felt a bit grim at this point, and was trying to explain to Susie how I felt pretty removed from other humans and I nearly cried maybe. We talked about other things and after that I felt okay. I felt normal. It is a good thing that I equate "normal" with "okay". Seems hopeful. I talked to James Duncan and listened to Julie Doiron. Worked on my latest zine for a lil while. Mainly went through old national geographics cutting out different pictures of the ocean. Went to sleep at 11:30pm.