my 2010

extracts from my notebook

january
as the highs get higher, so do the lows get much, much lower
reading may save me
I spend a lot of money on being a Melbournian
the sky is so clear and dark it makes me feel unsafe like if I had giant arms I could reach out and dip my hand into space as if I was in a boat on a river and maybe drown

[I read 'the unbearable lightness of being' and feel completely at ease with it all]

february
just wrote a poem about seeing people on a street and playing a game called "who had sex last night"
at least my idiocy is consistent
yesterday at the tram stop I saw an oldish lady with an ipod, listening to it, tapping her foot, waiting for the tram

march
I keep crying because I am so happy
what does byzantine mean?

april
I remember thinking that "everything" would be better once it was April
I need a dwelling, I want to be a feminist, I need to find work placement and also a job, I wanted to do well at uni and have good ideas for assignments in class, I want to have friends, I want to be beautiful and look nice, I want my teachers to think I'm good at media, I wish I knew whether I could write
I guess ants go so fast because they know life is short
I sniffle and open my eyes wide so the air gets to parts of my eyeballs that have never been exposed before

[I read 'everything is illuminated' and feel like it changes my life a little, then the end is a let down]

may
[I read 'pussy willow' and am convinced it is my new favourite book]
"everything that anyone would ever look for is usually where they find it"
I want to listen to country music and sing loudly in fields
I can't really stand longevity so I surprised myself when I watched Amelie the whole way through. Of course it is the most enchanting thing of all time and (you me, & everyone) I hope I'm like she is
I am not sure what I was doing last weekend, I was a mess, made everything else into a mess

june
I ought to let disinterest take over, that may make me seem more appealing
I want my stuff. I love stuff. Makes me feel all humany
words I will use more: cajole, perjorative
I had some odd paranoid fear that maybe the world would end instead of turn int0 2010. I guess that's why everyone gets so drunk at New Year. I want to live somewhere where they don't make a big deal about it. Is there somewhere where they don't celebrate the days going by?
let good things be good

july
eventually I will just die and cease living and all that will be left of me will be trivial, annoying ponderings like this
last night I was reading Tao Lin until my eyes were sore
sometimes I feel cool because I know lyrics to Kanye West songs then other times I don't
I spend a lot of my life using d words. the cycle of words: deluded --> detached

august
I've noticed I let sentimentality rule my life
get lonely is one of my favourite cds of all time
oh boy, being alive is so odd

september
I resolve to be on facebook less
right now things seem fairly fine
this is what happens when you get up too early: you run out of things to do far too early on in the day. my grievances are so vast

[read 'good morning, midnight' by Jean Rhys and feel a trip to Paris is in order]

october
lately I'm wondering whether anybody is happy
I saw a two year old Samoan child smoking on television and it broke my heart
listening to Ryan Adams on a rainy day will truly end in tears

[turn 21]

november
must dither less
I wonder if people say "don't tell Susie"
the sun is so nice it's melting away my contemplation
I wonder if there is much more to love than being obsessed with a nice and good looking person

[read 'how a moth becomes a boat', find it 25% awesome]

december
maybe if I go work on my tan things will seem better
I'm worried about what my future self will think
Fraser said "are we going to grow old together" and I said "I hope so" and Jordan said "I imagine so"
going on expensive walks
crying on christmas eve, I feel dumb
I wonder if it would be weird to write to my old english teacher
makeshift heartache

Why I Love Susie: Part 3

Last night I was feeling pretty bummed out so I decided to get out my old notebooks and old letters from Susie.

Me and Susie have been friends for roughly 5 years. In this time we have sent a lot of packages to one another due to the fact that there is an ocean between us. I txt Susie saying: "I am going through all the stuff you have sent me. I love you. I am getting emotional lol". Me and Susie have said we should stop using 'lol' but I just can't, feel like it adds a lot to that message. The following is an excerpt from one of Susie's letters:

"Dear Chan Marshall,

Yours is the kind of music I'll listen to when I'm 36 and want to teach my kids stuff. Like my mum did with Joan Armatrading, is that okay? Right now I can smell bananas and I can hear the morning, you know, even though I don't live near the sea, I can hear it in the hollow breeze. There really is such a thing as a hollow breeze, you know it. Holds promises. Promises of another day. And just a day is enough. That's all we can ask for anyhow.

You're like a teleporter, did you know?"




I understand but I don't agree with this theorem. A wine glass clearly has two halves, the handle and the, erm, bit that the wine goes in. You are absurd.





Also, Happy NY. Thank you for reading our blog in 2010. We really appreciate it. I want to hug each and every one of you and maybe kiss you full on the mouth if you'll let me. See you in 2011.