Friday, November 30, 2012

my time in england so far via tweets

moving to england in 2 days but i dont wanna pack, just wanna watch the wire

too hot in london to wear beanies :(

nothing i want more in life than lazing about w @susie_and watching nigella's express

susie is my cous cous mama

Theyre playing nz dub music in a pub in edinburgh

You're a pain in my crag

we have taken to expressing our emotions via song, oft in the middle of london streets

@crispinbest we bailed with ease on that baileys (something me and @susie_and workshopped on the way home)

rapping to drake audibly on the tube w @susie_and

gonna buy some jeggings from sainsburys

b'ton bad bitches

don't mind if i doob

uhhh just living in this beautiful ass shire

stood in the kitchen for around 6 minutes binge-eating chips while 2 labradors watched

eyeing up hipsters wearing matching chinos at gloucester train station

drinking instant coffee bc i hate myself

started drawing a duck with 4 legs and now this 9 yo thinks i'm an idiot

hello london i need to pee

want to make everyone i like toast and tea forever

it's getting hat in here

just want to be cotching with a rio

unsure if i feel bad because i need to pee or because of everything else

just had two tequila shots we are in da club i hate errbody

want to go home and eat some steamed brocolli for real

a rich tapestry of tapestries

welcome to the beyonce museum

if binge-eating chips is wrong then i don't want to be right

crystal palace bound is one of my favourite things to be

absolut dingus

draft in my phone from last night that just says 'i'm going to die'

cute boy was looking at us, me and tilly walked into each other, flustered, boys are scary

being really tired is like being on some shitty drug

"i just wanna sleep on your butt"

i bloody love hangovers

i think @herbonestrcture tried to french me the other night, niiiiiice

@susie_and love u my whole damn life, have a safe flight

Briefly forgot I was in England and thought, when did nz get castles

Never want to leave @herbonestrcture 's room

new appreciation for the cold

this 9 yo just said "i like your hair and i like you" :')

eyeball kisses

my fave combo is sad/funny

people keep thinking i am a mum i am not a mum okay

Voxer message: I'm not on drugs I'm just sad

wow what a cute time we are having being sad all together

ugghhh forever

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Monday, November 26, 2012

would you look at that

melbourne is beautiful and rainbow coloured
the skies in australia are big and open and blue
i am hysterical
we are all reckless & can't wait to be on 2 wheels again

i was walking through melbourne central shopping centre and now there is a book swap the same kind that there is in that little place in soho where you can borrow or swap secondhand books
got this phillip larkin book 'the whitsun weddings'

i wish that all my friends had giant beds so we could all lie down together in a v v platonic way
sometimes i think humans should just lie around like lions do - i remember the day after my leaving party i was lying in bed with stacey, nat, giles and lucy perched on the end like our lil kitty kat... whenever i lie in bed with a group of people i just think about how once at singapore zoo i read that lions just sleep for 20 hours a day or something, it seems great that they don't have to do much else or maybe in my mind i exaggerated this

it's the worst i have time to write this post but not enough time to do [anything else important]

find myself having lots of lewd conversations, guess i'm back with all the boys
starting a job at a bar today for the first time ever, this is daunting i guess
this morning fraser woke up when i got out of bed and he weirdly sang some of 'new york new york' at me using my name, how nice

i miss you england
keep saying to various people that it's hard to let yourself feel sad when everything is hurtling towards summertime.. there is a television ad for mcdonalds where everyone stands in the giant shadow that the golden arches are making in the parking lot because it's too hot to stand on the regular asphalt.. not that i eat mcdonalds but it's preeeeeetty accurate
here i have to shave my legs and maintain my toenails... i am v tanned already guys woah

two relevant poems from mr larkin:

Home is so sad

Home is so sad. It stays as it was left,
Shaped to the comfort of the last to go
As if to win them back. Instead, bereft
Of anyone to please, it withers, so,
Having no heart put aside the theft

And turn again to what it started as,
A joyous shot at how things ought to be,
Long fallen wide. You can see how it was:
Look at the pictures and the cutlery.
The music in the piano stool. That vase.

Talking in Bed

Talking in bed ought to be easiest,
Lying together there goes back so far,
An emblem of two people being honest.

Yet more and more time passes silently.
Outside, the wind's incomplete unrest
Builds and disperses clouds about the sky,

And dark towns heap up on the horizon.
None of this cares for us. Nothing shows why
At this unique distance from isolation

It becomes still more difficult to find
Words at once true and kind,
Or not untrue and not unkind.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

no new emotions

i tried to get to sleep but i kept seeing the facebook homepage behind my eyelids

lately i feel like i've been nostalgic for things that have never even happened / past lives

even later in the night now, where thoughts seem to go round and round in circles, nothing ever resolving itself or becoming still

underneath my duvet i watch my phone light up
as you call me and then hang up
the whirring noise it makes

earlier that night in the bath i pull at different areas of my skin and feel nothing
my hips are the weirdest looking part of my body i think
but you have never properly seen them

been listening to the rain all night
through computer speakers

which is stupid because it is actually raining outside

on voxer i am sad in my bed and mark is sad on his couch
in a facebook chat thread me and diane want to cry in a giant bathtub
giles tweeted 'very fucked'
natalie hugs me through gchat

we are all sad alone together it is okay somehow

when you are sad people should not tell you "don't be sad"
because secretly we enjoy it, hehe

wanting to belong to someone is a pathetic need
a need which i am ashamed to admit

because we want so much to belong only to ourselves

Saturday, November 10, 2012

drafts / notes / cast offs / name drops

[in the air]

feel lost in my own brain, like there are different versions of me standing in different 'corners' (not that i truly believe brains have corners or w/e) but it's dark and there's nothing connecting us, like some sort of game of murder in the dark but in my brain

real excited by the presence of much drizzy, usher, rihanna + justin in the singapore airline music collection. not sure if i'm going to keep crying but now i have my hilarious silk + diamanté sleep mask so even if i have tears running down my face the hostesses/stewards (have changed this word many times, was initially staff, but that seemed way too poncey) will know not to disturb me

keep having overly sentimental thoughts about crispin, via i am channelling all my sadness onto him / genuinely just feel like he is perf, maybe a perfect idiot AMIRITE LADIEZ [ed: typo of emirate seems pretty hilar]

(opening scenes of prometheus) there seems to be a giant penis in the sky
just thought 'this is some serious shit, this idiot can read a bitch's memory'
this asshole literally just got his hurr did
fassbender seems like a right poindexter
(all those twets were before i knew fassbender was a goddamn robot ok)

just keep thinking 'nerd holiday' re: these assholes sitting near me
dumbass on the plane with 500g container of some vitamins =\

[in melbourne]

at parliament station they are playing john farnham, seems like Celia would love it here, they keep turning it up
just keep thinking 'if i had a rio this would be amazing'

[in 'the country']

want to do a twit pic of the grampians, caption 're: australia - that's what makes u beautiful'
just thinking about how nice it is to go for exercise underneath a mountain, this is why gyms are stupid
i saw mist rising off a dam
doing downward facing doge in a paddock
hey bunny

using old medicines from my cupboard, lol seems real bad/good
all these old things seem new or foreign or in a way like they just don't matter. i feel good about the idea of cutting down all my possessions just because you get to a stage where you realise having stuff is irrelevant

the sun is literally peeking over the mountains through clouds rn
really wish i thought it was a possibility for me to quit drinking for a lil while, seems like that is the only way i'm ever going to quit smoking

wondering how many errands i can do today,
thinking about stephen o'toole and diane marie a lot this morning, prob bc i have 'halo' in my head
people keep telling me that my music taste is crap now, seems like melbourne is still v hip
kept thinking 'goddamn all these basic bitches' in a way that vicki tingle / laurens verdonk might while walking through myer (department store) the other day and lolling to myself
just considering stacey's lovely lady lumps, is this wrong of me? lol

wow the sun is actually filling up the entire room with its glow