Wednesday, June 6, 2012

notes re: i am my own betrayal by guillaume morissette

 (playing a game called 'i zip this kitten up in my jacket')

- i like the weight of this paper
- like this: "on Facebook, people don't feel like people, they feel like smaller versions of themselves. kind of like standing on a rooftop and looking down and seeing people from afar as small and insignificant and ant-like and then thinking, 'i could crush them like party cups'. (this textedit doc always capitalizes the 'f' in Facebook and i don't understand why and please stop)
- liked the bit about 'the beginning of my inner life' - before i started reading i was thinking about 'inner lives' and i even wrote this on my blog: 'something about what it means to let a person into your inner life and them letting you into theirs, seems insane that that ever happens'
- 'this morning i have downsized my life to a cup of tea and a rectangle that allows me to click on things or people that i'll never have or be'
- seems accurate: "self love is a mental state
i can only reach through severe confusion"
- i like how he writes stories and that i can relate to things in his stories, i feel interested
- "you don't need love. it's extraneous, just a sad and desperate attempt at human relevance. it doesn't help" (the things we tell ourselves)
- lots of things about relationships and missing people
- he says that intimacy is addictive, yes, i feel like intimacy is different than sex and i'm not sure which one i'm less afraid of
- reading this the next day, i like the texture of the pages, i rubbed it on my face and it felt good, i went into the lounge and rubbed it on one of my flatmate's faces too
- feel like this book has made me think about things, and inspired me to write, the last book that made me feel this way was 'don't die alone' by michael inscoe
- i liked the story about the gaming, i like the 'introverted programmer' character
- i read all of this book whilst sitting in bed in my room alone, at some points i ate ice-cream
- really liked the story 'karpman drama triangle', i liked how he wrote it from each character's point of view
- "she liked mark, esteemed him even, liked his inner life, especially in comparison to joel, whose dialogue with himself was probably the sound outer space makes" - people's inner lives seem important to me, if i am seeing someone who is like the 'joel' character, i close myself off in a way, because i know that our inner lives could never meet
- just rubbed the book on my face again, i recommend this
- other things that i did whilst reading this book: binge ate corn chips, petted a cat, talked to people on gchat, cleaned my hard drive
- finished the book, felt good, told willis on gchat that i liked it a lot
- i closed the book, stared at the cover for a while, then inserted it into the poetry section of my bookshelf, sat back down on my bed, resumed staring at computer

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