dinosaur friends

i'm glad i have friends that will talk about dinosaurs with me
and when i say "hey i can just imagine dinosaurs in this landscape"
they don't make fun of me
they imagine it too
and when i wonder how big a t-rex is
they stop to figure it out
and we ask our friend brad
and he thinks about it
and gives us an approximation
and we say "wow that is big"
then i tell them about how i watched a documentary
where an ankylosaurus kills a t-rex
and the t-rex babies stand by her while she dies
and they keep making squealing noises
and it made me really sad
then we talk about how dinosaurs lived for longer than we have
and that one day we will be extinct too
we stop to think about that for a second
then i say "rawrrrrrrrrrrr"
and we keep on walking

posture

i closed my laptop
i rang a friend
i cried

my friend and i walked
we talked about memory and atheism
we smoked

our tofu was silken and delicious
we did not finish our food
we left a $3.60 tip

we are the same kind of interested in each other

hunger

i have really bad letters in my scrabble game, all vowels, goddamn it

made important life decision at 12:38am

i have eleven tabs open on my firefox browser

there are more good days than bad days

i want to write a series of poems about dinosaurs

the smell of sunscreen on skin

my dad is humming a george michael song, shame dad

i've forgotten what my favourite things are

no one knows me like you do

here i am, looking up turkey puns on the internet

i flail my arms around wildly and my cat thinks i'm weird

i am wearing socks in bed and it is summertime

i'm going to write a poem and call it 'mammalian loneliness'

some of my poems got published here, and that's nice

some australian colloquialisms

no wuckas - this means no worries and is abhorrent. I say it in jest from time to time

yeah nah - apparently we share this with NZ. Most people will say "yeah", trail off, then say "nah" to start up the sentence again.

full on - often means "to assail one directly". eg "he came at me full on in the face". Or, can simply mean "totally" eg "we full on won that game". Alternatively, it can mean something that was really intense.

fuck off - refers to the scale of something, in terms of how intimidating it is. Like, "a big fuck off bag off lollies" or "she had some crazy fuck off tittehs"

mate - yes, we do say mate in this country. In my experience though, pretty much only men can pull off the mate. I said it on Friday night when this guy was asking me and my friends for some change and I think I did an okay job. It felt like a good way to let him down and make him go away, but seem kind at the same time. Saying mate is authoritative and reassuring, and lets the recipient know that your intentions are good.

g'day - almost in the same league as mate, but slightly less. I don't really know many people who use this term.

youse - plural form of you, typically used by "bogans" or the uneducated. I just saw it on facebook spelt like "use".

no worries - this is kinda like "you're welcome" or "sure". One often uses it to receive thanks

thongs - flip flops or jandals in NZ

fairo - Australians have a tendency to add an o on the end of words, like "righto" or "Tommo" or "Jacko". saying fairo is a less uptight way of saying "fair enough" and makes one feel slightly egyptian

trackies - trackpants. comfortable for lounging.

shit son! - expresses surprise or is a general exclamation. Also used by me in jest.

bogan - there are a few different types of bogans. They usually wear thongs with trackies, or ugg boots with leggings and talk about their pregnancy loudly on the train, whilst drinking some sort of bourbon and cola drink before 10am.

I should make it clear that nobody actually says "you flamin' galah" here!

NZ colloquialisms

Westie: One who dwells in West Auckland. More commonly associated with being a bogan, or Outrageous Fortunes. These people can mostly be found in suburbs such as Massey, Glen Eden, Henderson, Ranui, and Sunnyvale. I grew up in West Auckland, but am not a 'Westie'.

'Hard out' or 'hard': When in agreement with a colleague, you may reply by saying 'hard' or 'hard out'. There is usually some emphasis put on 'hard', e.g. 'haaarrrrd'. I sometimes say this because I think it's funny, hard out funny aye.

Mean: Usually pronounced 'meeeeeean' and more often than not, is followed by 'bro'. Similar to 'hard out' in that one would use this word after hearing a statement they are in agreement with, or which gives them some pleasure.

Choice: A typically kiwi word, I think. Similar to 'mean'. When you think something is 'choice', I imagine you would quite like the thing in question, be it an object, an act or an idea. E.g. "I think your dress is choice bro." (Bro is optional).

Chur: Similar to mean or choice. Used when you think something is 'choice' or as an alternative to 'thank you'. E.g, When you're chilling with your bros, and one of your bros makes you some toast, you can say 'chur' or 'chuuuuuurrrr'.

I reckon: I don't know if this is a typically kiwi thing to say but I hear people (kiwis) saying it a lot and with gusto. For e.g. when you agree with something one of your bros says, you'd be like 'I reeeecken'.

Sweet as: 'Sweet' or 'sweet as' is similar to most of these other words. It is used to confirm that something is okay, or to communicate that something is good. E.g. "I'm going to be a bit late" "Sweet as". Also, adding 'as' to things is kiwi as.

A video post to say there will be no more video posts

Rainy Sunday = writing, chilling with my dog and listening to garage rock.

a sunday poem

facebook

okay so maybe i'm not okay with this
i thought i was but then
i saw something
that set off
one million
little
bombs
inside of my
intestines,
stomach,
liver &
pancreas
prompting me to think
"okay so maybe i'm not okay with this"
and then rushing to my computer
with the feeling
still berating
my insides

20 received texts from 2010

so I started compiling this much earlier in the week and it seemed funnier/like a better idea. I got bored because I've got like 1200+ saved txt messages. these are my favourite ones that I was bothered enough to select. If you sent me one of these txts and would like me to take it down to "protect" you, just say so and I shall replace it with something like "where are you?" "what time are we meeting" or "hey, you wanna get lunch tomorrow" or something equally riveting.

---

Hi susw mtv

Today i just really do not want to be amongst the living

Wtf my train just hit a cow. GaY

But then I have to cc tally socituly infract

Sam and i just broke up. I will email you tomorrow.

Hey babez, you bizy 2mz arvo? Thort I mite pop round n drop of dat cardiii n pik up mai dress. Luv u biatch xoxoxoxo

Your zines make me smile!

mmmmmmh! (gets in cause it's from mum)

I am now with boyfriend. Swoon.

You can't say that and not explain! Are you ok? I am having an inspiring time. But susan, i have realised that i am almost never alone and i don't know what to say to myself.

Unassuming ey? You'd be the one assuming I don't like it

Oh god, alarming flows seem to be a trending topic #myflowisheavy

Lol. Did you just butt dial me?

Play some sc with me

Please don't feel upset/disheartened. Let me work out some shit in my head, and then I'll talk to you. I had a fun night/morning :)

Oh lord. Did he cry? Or indicate that intercourse might ease his pain?

kick ass and grown ups. Both not too bad! I probs need to leave the house to procure dinner but I really don't wanna to have to put on a bra and/or shoes

I just saw 3 rats.

Nevermind what's "in" susan. The dutch have been wearing them for centuries

Omg Kfc sell roasted corn. This is totally our influence i feel.

Omg I'm in a reasonably attractive businessmen sandwich! I'm surrounded by them!

Maybe

Sometimes I feel afraid that I will die
while spending time with someone
I don't like.

Maybe I'll be in class
with that annoying girl
who always talks about Glee,
and I fall off my chair and crack my head open.

Or I'll be at a party with the girl who
is telling me that she wants a career in marketing
and I get alcohol poisoning and pass out and die.

Or I'll be in line at a Burger King
behind a guy who keeps saying
'hard out bro'
without a trace of irony,
and I slip on the wet floor
and I am taken to hospital
and I never wake up again.

Maybe I'll be with that boy
that I regretted ever kissing.
Or with the cousin that stole my barbie dolls
when we were kids.
Or with the creepy aunty
who sells weed.

I don't want to be with
the co-worker who was cruel to me or
the stranger who made fun of me or
the neighbour who never said hi to me or
the girl who never understood me or
the teacher who never encouraged me or
the boy who never loved me.

Melbourne: Part 2

get ready for love

the thought of eating this caramel koala is making me nauseous

i just had to look up how to spell nauseous

tonight i saw a shooting star and afterwards jumped up and down in excitement

i think i am attracted to people who have an unquantifiable sadness

i noticed that your hand was shaking and i wondered if i was the kind of girl that makes boys nervous

a high school girl just pulled a west side at me from a bus

i wish i meant more to you than a text message

i never know when it is appropriate to hug someone

in your car, there are always beer bottles clinking under the seats

i picked my friend a bunch of daisies from my backyard and she put them in her hair

i spend a lot of my life reading poems on the internet

New topic

Hello. Since all the excitement from my Melbourne trip has died down, it is time for a new weekly topic. Susie suggested "colloquialisms" for the writing topic and I suggested "reading an excerpt from the book you are reading" for the video post. Incorrect ways to use speech marks probz, but this is da internet, a place that is more often than not, grammatically incorrect.

My life currently involves quite a lot of:
Salty hair, various dips, beer, sunburn, books, exciting emails, zines, adventures, writing furiously, lovely people, and cats.

Melbourne: Part 1

C-play

Stace: i am listening to coldplay
Susie: ahahaha
Stace: want to put my headphones on to crank it
Stace: fuck, this could compromise my last fm stats
Susie: haha how much do you plan to listen to them?
Stace: most of parachutes probs
Stace: really getting into this
Stace: when you shivuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh
Stace: uhhhhh uhhhhhh
Susie: lol i must join you
Susie: but i only have some tracks from parachutes!!!
Stace: this is the best convo ever
Susie: i look in your direction
Susie: but you pay me no attention do you
Susie: did you want me to change? well i'll change for good
Stace: i'll be there by your side, just you try to stop meeeeee
Susie: i'll always be waiting for you :)
Stace: sweet guitar riff bro
Susie: omg yellow.... YUS
Susie: IT WAS ALL YELLOW
Susie: DO YOU KNOOOOOW FOR YOU I BLEED MYSELF
Susie: FOR YOU I BLEED MYSELF DRY
Susie: (these are weird but moving lyrics)
Stace: oh sheeit, i have a live version of clocks
Stace: basically singing out loud now
Stace: we have the best taste
Susie: clocks is fucking ace
Susie: hahahaha
Stace: air drumming
Stace: i hope my parents don't hear me listening to coldplay and think that i am uncool

fuck lonely

today in a bookshop i saw this book called
"loneliness as a way of life"
and i think i will go back and buy it
because it might make me feel better,
more meaningful or something.
in the blurb it says that loneliness
leads to true autonomy
and that it is only through loneliness that we can
become true and rational beings.
whatever,
i don't want to be fucking lonely.

minutes

i send you a text message at exactly 11.30pm
and exactly one minute later regret sending it

sometimes i worry that i text you too much
then i remember i am teaching myself to be normal
and i've taught myself that normal people don't think this much

my heart beats fast, anticipating your reply
then i write this

Question video post

Here is the video we made when I was in Melbourne. Sorry that we are lame. Also the editing is pretty bad, as I did it mostly at the airport. Are we "ironically" listening to Kanye? That is for you to decide. Sometimes I forget whether I really like something or if I just ironically like it. It's getting a bit like that these days. Anyway, enjoy our faces and voices. It's 6 minutes long though, so you can give it a miss if you want.

day in review: friday third of december

Woke up about 8am feeling dehydrated and "hungover" 1/10, sourced advil to fix the malady and awake two hours later feeling decent yet tired 4/10. Stacey and I headed to Southern Cross to get a train to Geelong and approved of the sunnyness of the day, things were looking good 6.5/10 (only 6.5 because during this train trip I am internally feeling like a dummy re: the previous evening & other "complicated" feelings/emotions). My friend Amy met us at the train station and took us to a cute cafe where we ate pretty good breakfast 7/10. I forgot my sunnies so Amy stopped by her awesome new place to pick up some I could have a loan 9/10 for generosity, also top marks for Amy's awesome place. Amy then drove us to Torquay and we listened to Best Coast on the way 9.5/10, in high spirits despite the looming alarming clouds, complete with lightning (9/10 for coolness). Torquay was still sunny and lovely, the beach was great even though we just waded. We ate ice cream on the grass and ran into a high school friend. The clouds passed over us without any rain - 10/10 for timing. We found this really warm bit of water near a little river thing which I would give 10/10 if it wasn't slightly weird so 9/10. Then we walked up to this lookout thing and all these flies kinda circled us, Stacey did not like it and I became quite thirsty plus the ground was a bit sharp 5/10. Drove back to Geelong and stopped in at the Mill Markets to look at awesome "vintage" stuff - 8 for stuff, 2 for not being able to afford stuff. Amy took us back to the train station just as it started pouring down and I mean POURING, 9/10 for powerful rain. Back in Melbourne we had chinese for dinner and I felt really refreshed after drinking some lemonade 8/10. I felt very tired and wanted to sleep, but instead Stacey and I watched a film called Monsters which turned out to be rather crap, as if we were constantly waiting for something to happen 3/10. On the plus side I finished a little teacup that I was crocheting 10/10. Then we watched Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry talk about A Bit of Fry and Laurie in a reunion special which is so 10/10 I will paste the video below.



yeah.

that ol' chestnut

on the plane, the guy next to me is watching some will farrell movie and i am watching a documentary about dinosaurs

we are drinking beer and sitting on fake grass

i just watched up in the air and it made me feel incredibly lonely

people only ever want to hear about when you are happy, not when you are sad, but i'll take anyone either way

i am anti-flirtatious

i am standing up on a crowded train and i don't feel awkward

never drink a bottle of wine and then eat a lot of indian food

tonight i cried really hard because i suddenly remembered what it was like to fall asleep next to someone you love

i got home and just thought 'i don't want to be here'

ode to melbourne's weather