the times i've met susie: part 2

The second time I met Susie was when I flew to Melbourne with Sam in July 2008. I was in a very bad place when I went there because I hadn't been sleeping and felt extremely nervous and depressed. Bad vibes. We caught a taxi from the airport to Susie's apartment in Carlton. I fell asleep on Susie's bed and Susie and Sam went to go have a drink at a pub or something. Later on we went to go meet Shu Shu and Lindy and then got a train to Susie's hometown, Horsham, which is in the country. On the way there, I showed Sam something I had written in my notebook and he told me to put on 'Lay and Love' by Bonnie Prince Billy. I wondered how I could feel so in love and so depressed at the same time.

At Susie's, we had a flannel party and I had fun. The next day, I remember walking around Horsham feeling very cold and despondent. When we got back to Melbourne, Sam flew to Brisbane to see his friends there. I felt very sad about him leaving. That night, Susie, Lindy and I went out to Cho Gao and got very very drunk because of some free champagne ladies night thing. I remember the tram stopping and me getting off to throw up and not caring if the tram left without me. It was not my finest moment.

Susie took me around Melbourne and I began to really fall in love with the city. One night we went out for dinner with Steven and Lindy on Lygon I think. We went to this bar that had lots of couches or something, idk. I remember watching A Clockwork Orange in the basement of Lindy's apartment building and feeling many things. On my last night in town we went to see Claire Bowditch and Hot Little Hands and it was very nice. After the show we had to wait out in the cold for a long time trying to get a taxi and afterwards I couldn't get my body temperature back to normal and felt very nervous and did not sleep at all before I had to get my flight in the morning.

Even though I have a vague memory of this time, I still remember the way I felt about things. I feel like a very different person now. I found some old photos from this trip:

70

today
the empty spaces in my house
feel like ghosts moving all around me
moving through me

i am conscious of things that aren't there
of the silences my mouth makes

i am aching
for something

i can feel it
in my forearms
as i am typing

words to you

everyone is aching

what we feel is unquantifiable

it would be like trying to weigh something
in zero-gravity

it is like all the times you will ever say the word love

it is like opening your arms as wide as they can go
to indicate a very large distance

there is so much that we cannot measure

day in review: 7/7/11

Alarm went off at 6:45am, felt like my eyeballs were being crushed inside of someone's fist, fell back asleep again whilst semi-aware of being "cheeky". Woke up again at 7:20 thinking "fuuuuck" and then trying to put on clothes/make toast/do hair/go pee/check emails in the space of 5 minutes. Walked to work, seemed like it was going to rain but I didn't. Stopped at the place I usually stop at to look at the ocean. Got to work 5 minutes late. Topped up food/water for various birds and did a general clean. Fed the giant petrel outside, he is a real chill bird. A volunteer came in and I talked to her about her life and about birds and about the weather. Someone bought in a budgie and a pigeon. I made coffee for my boss and the volunteer and we stood around talking and drinking it. I cleaned/fed/medicated most of the inside birds and then started doing the outside birds. Felt really "buzzed" after my coffee. I finished at 1pm and walked home in the rain. It rained so hard that it soaked through my shoes and into my socks. It was a weird feeling. On my walk I found a really cool framed painting on the side of the road. I took it home and put it on my wall. I had a shower and made nachos. I started watching a ustream with Jacob, Caro, Shaun Gannon and some other people. Made me feel a bit weird. Talked to Alice about how weird we felt. Tiny chatted Spencer Madsen for a while. We talked about love and other things of that nature. It was nice. My dad came to pick me up because we were going to babysit my lil niece, Nova. My sister made us lasagna. I cuddled the baby and changed her poopy nappy like it was nbd. I live tweeted baby stuff. I talked to James Duncan, Blake West and Susie on facebook chat. My dad was watching Police Ten 7 and kept telling me to shush so I wouldn't wake the baby. I went home to my house and Huna arrived back after being away for the week. We sat out on the front steps and talked for a while. I went into my room and started typing this.























Gotta baby. Gotta pimple.

times i have met stacey teague #1

(this will continue as a series)
2008 New Year: Rhythm & Vines

This was the first time me and Stacey met. Prior to this meeting our correspondence had mostly been letters, myspace, msn and emailing. We had a 'tradition' of calling each other on ANZAC day, so we knew what each other sounded like. Some excerpts of our emails to each other leading up to this visit

26/11/2007
Susie Anderson
To sparklesista234@hotmail.com
honey I can't write anything
I am so polar
just write to me

5/12/2007
stacey teague
To hologram__@hotmail.com
All my follies, they have just shaped me, made me stronger, taught me lessons and i'm grateful to have the freedom to make so many mistakes.
I feel as if i'm hardly ever devoid of inspiration. Everything inspires me. There are the rare times when i'm in such a bad mood I can't appreciate the sky or the trees but it passes because I know its only temporary.
I love you and i'll be seeing you in 3 weeks and 3 days :) You got to give me a call before you come, lets talk :)

6/12/2007
Susie Anderson
hologram__@hotmail.com
To sparklesista234@hotmail.com

I feel a bit discontent and need to sort out my feelings.
ohhhh its only 22 days until the Stace/Suse affair begins yo
good.

18/12/2007
stacey teague
To Susie Anderson
I read this poem (THE HUSBAND TRIES TO WRITE TO THE DISAPPEARING WIFE - Jeannine Hall Gailey) aloud, then I whispered it to myself. Argh, what words can do to me.


21/12/2007
Susie Anderson
To Stacey Teague
I've been fucking around with friends for 4 days and I can't believe it's the end of the week already. It's so hot and humid and shiiiiiiit
LOLOLOL we are meeting in fucking 7 days motherfucker

26/12/2007
stacey teague
sparklesista234@hotmail.com
To Susie Anderson

I thought that I would finally write an email to you, I haven't beeen on the interwebz for a while and i'm also stoned so please forgive me.
Yeah so you are coming in 2 days, holy sheet!



I flew to Auckland a few days after Christmas 2007 and met Stacey. We stayed at her parent's place. My flight got in pretty late. Stacey picked me up in her dad's 4WD. She had mix CDs in the car, and it seemed perfect. We had the windows down and NZ seemed fresh and dewy in the near-midnight. We were probably both nervous as hell. I imagine this is why instead of going home to bed, we had a lil session by the water. Stacey was climbing trees. I felt awkward and less lithe than she.

The bulk of that trip was spent camping in Gisborne for a music festival called Rhythm and Vines. We met up with Stacey's friends Laura, Meliesha and Ben at the campgrounds. I think I met Huna (Stacey's current housemate) a few times around the campgrounds. Meliesha had lost all our acid for the festival. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing. I remember getting really drunk, drinking tequila from a drink bottle and getting lost at the campground wearing my "Kevin07" tshirt. While I was lost I think I was victimised by some bros. I got the worst sunburn of my life, had some nice swims, spent a lot of time stoned in the tent which felt really weird because it was actually my family's tent that I had brought because Stacey didn't have one at that point in time. Kept seeing odd things on the roof of the tent.

On NYE we were at the the actual festival RnV. Somebody smuggled drugs in via lipgloss. There was some pretty good music. I got to see the Mint Chicks, everybody went nuts for them. Also we saw Die Die Die and they were pretty cool. We watched this band called Jakob on a stage in a little woods. The stage looked like a gypsy caravan or something. We left the woods to go watch fireworks. The grass was wet and the ground was muddy because it had been raining. Stacey, Meliesha, Laura and I clung to each other watching them and did group hugs. We sat on a hill far away from all the people and listened to Scribe like it was a joke.

Back in Auckland, we moseyed around Green Bay, went to Piha beach with Sam and got stoned and overwhelmed by jam. We went on a day trip to a sculpture trail and had fish and chips by the beach. Driving with Stacey in NZ was the first time I listened to The Very Best of The Smiths. I felt awed by how 'cool' she was irl, driving around singing 'hang the dj hang the dj hang the dj'. seemed very awesome for my silly country gal mind. By this time we were becoming more at ease with each other.

songs

Explosions in the Sky - Last Known Surroundings



Sparklehorse - Cow



Ducktails - Killin' The Vibe



Mount Eerie - Voice In Headphones



El Perro Del Mar - Change Of Heart

winter things

- curling up in a lil nook and reading my book with the heater on high
- rubbing my hands together and then breathing warm air on them from my mouth which sounds like "haw"
- people saying "oh my god, it's so cold" to me like it is some new information and then having to respond in some polite/excited way that is like "i know right"
- walking to work thinking "i can't feel my face"
- seeing sunlight somewhere and then running to that place
- my hands are cold but my body is warm
- my flat mate saying "i hope you're going to put something warmer on" and then doing that
- thinking "should i take up knitting?" but then just going on my macbook a lot instead
- waiting for the water to get hot before washing my hands
- wearing cardigans over my zip up hoodie
- a million cups of tea
- beanies 24/7
- not wanting to get out of bed ever
- hugging my hot water bottle
- various soups
- wanting to curl up into the fetal position and rock gently back and forth
- thinking "is summer a thing?"
- driving in my dad's car, turning the heat on full blast and putting the windows down

beyonce - run the world (girls)

(thoughts during)

she's on a horse
now there's a lion
is beyonce royalty
is she saying 'we run this mother... dip'
is there an explicit version? just want 2 c her givin the finger
wow, she is so hood with this
want a dress made out of a golden disco ball
beyonce still got jelly.. um.. i mean that in a good way. mm jelly
weird contrast between lots of fabric.. and not much fabric re: clothing



(after)

Lately I have been thinking about this pop singer Beyoncé Knowles. She was in a successful Girl Band called 'destinys child'. Run the world (girls) is a recent song of hers. She also headlined a music festival in the United Kingdom called Glastonbury. She has a powerful voice and is a very good dancer. She and her 'destinys child' cohorts are well known for coining the term Bootylicious. A video I watched of her singing the kings of leon song sex on fire was very moving and powerful somehow. She is a convincing performer and currently has a perm.

the end of the world

Was just reading through an old zine Susie and I made, and really liked this thing Susie wrote.

PAJP #4

People are just podcasts 4 by susiea

Poems from James Duncan, Alice May Connolly, Jacob Steinberg, Sam Pink, Jillian Clark, Prathna Lor, Brian Le Lay, Arthur Rimbaud, Eliza Scott, Alison Kistenbroker, Elaine Sun, Shaun Gannon, Wagner Israel Cilio III, Josephine Rowe, and Amber Fresh.

+ some of my favourited tweets

+ our own poems

+ accents

+ my "trademark podcaster's cough"

Feel like the end is the best, feel like we really "come out of our shells". Heehee.

#dierkslife

exciting things

Hands Like Mirrors launch:
(a part of national poetry day and international zine month (how did i manage that))

susie coming to visit me in july

got a stall at the zine fest next month (let me know if you want me to sell your zines there or something)

alice, eamonn and jackson flying to auckland to read at HLM launch

did i say SUSIE COMING TO VISIT

combined ustream/poetry podcast when susie is here

several forthcoming chapbooks

gonna eat a strawberry muffin for lunch tomorrow

zine nook

feeling happy, listening to 'Yuck' in my zine nook

day in review: saturday 11 june

Woke up around 11am. Shower. Organised via Facebook to go to Salvos and have coffee with my housemate Ashley. It was a sunny ass day, 10/10. Got to Salvos and bought a dress, a really awesome book about seasons 1-4 of Sex and the City with lots of pictures of the cast and an amazing quiz, The Family Law by Benjamin Law and the most recent Sleepers Almanac, all for $20! 10/10 From Salvos we walked to this really awesome cafe called Three Bags Full. I ordered huevos rancheros (fried eggs with tortillas, beans, avo and some sort of corn salsa) and Ashley had scrambled eggs. Both these things were delicious, although I kinda forgot that I'm meant to not eat stuff with gluten in it (tortillas) and that meant I couldn't buy any sweeties to go so 9/10. As we were walking back home on Nicholson street we saw a market set up in the front yard of the Steiner school. There were dresses and cute things visible so we crossed to go into it. On the street I ran into my friend Helen who I hadn't seen in ages! Big bear hug - 10/10!! Went into the market and caught up with Helen while Ashley bought two dresses and some nice shoes. Managed to restrain myself from buying things, which is 10/10 in terms of finances, but in terms of my love of consuming about a 4. We walked back home through some cute backstreets and alleys; Ashley picked some clippings from people's nature strips. At home, I picked up my knitting and immediately got the train to town. Met up with my friend Laura Smith at Federation Square, where she and her friends had been knitting due to it being WORLDWIDE KNIT IN PUBLIC DAY!! Effing 10/10 for that day existing. Sat knitting in this giant pyramid thing for a while, lots of tourists/general people wandering through taking pictures of us in bean bags, weird being looked at like some sort of tourist attraction, especially when your hands are cold 6/10. Me and Laura got coffees and cake though, a tasty 10/10. We all parted ways talking about what we were doing for the rest of the night, I was telling Laura's friend Owen that I'd be livetweeting Footloose that evening, turns out he does a monthly event on twitter called Tweetfilm another 10/10 for finding likeminded people. That night I just stayed at home, chattin to my bestie Steaky, while livetweetin Footloose. AWESOME DAY GUYZ.

Some of our tweets:

irl #2

zine area

saturday nite makin

irl #1

mail buzz

i am sending some zines and stuff to people next week.

if you want me to send you something, just email me: staceteague@gmail.com or comment here

um yeah

hehe

between you & me by amber fresh

On Sunday last week I was selling zines at the Emerging Writers' Festival Page Parlour at Fed Square. I met these folk from Perth Zine Collective and popped over to their stall for a gander at what they'd brought over from the west. Keen on the poetry as always, I picked this up.



I am happy about my choice, for the following reasons

two boys

we were kissing and
i asked you
'what do you like about me?'
and you said
'when you don't talk'



we were talking and
i asked you
'what do you want to do?'
and you said
'this'

get fucked

no-one told me
to 'get fucked'
today
not as a joke
not for real

but it's still only early

excerpt from bitumen

one time i asked a boy to push me over in the carpark where we were and
at that instant i thought it was an incredibly romantic thing to ask a boy



It is a small book of poems about things 'between you & me' and it seems pretty personal and introspective, but then there are funny parts which is important, I think.

I like that the poems seem to be pretty unfiltered. Feel like poetry I consider to be 'good' seems like it is really 'organic' or 'natural', though probably this is a pretty conscious technique.

Next time we do a poetry podcast I will read some more for you.

05/06/11

Woke up at 8:10am and got ready to go to the markets with my flat mate, Hannah. I quickly made a mix cd for us to listen to on the drive which mostly consisted of Led Zeppelin songs. At the market I bought a bag of carrots, a big ass kumara, bananas and brocolli. Afterwards we went to get some groceries and I bought a real cool beanie for $3.50. We bought sushi and ate it in the parking lot. Then we went to our favourite coffee place in Titirangi called Siren Cafe and went down to French Bay to drink our coffee (single-shot soy mocha in da house). It was a real sunny day and the tide was in so we took off our shoes and rolled up our jeans and dangled our feet in the water. Listened to my Sunday mix. 100% good vibes. Then we went home and we cleaned and I did washing and things of that nature. We decided we wanted to go on an adventure since it was a public holiday the next day but we couldn't think of what to do. Somehow we decided that the most sensible thing to do was to stay at home and take acid. So we did that. I spent a while writing things and chatting to people on the internet and Hannah washed all the walls in the bathroom and toilet. I started to feel a familiar hum, a weakness in my limbs, a sort of throbbing throughout my whole body. Decided to live tweet my acid experience. I talked to wbech, Ben Rosamond and Eamonn. Listened to Beach House for 2 hours straight because it made me feel calm. Went for a bike ride around my neighbourhood. Explored the forest a bit. I found a patch of grass and lay there in the sun for probably about 45 minutes. I felt peaceful. Then I went home and me and my flat mate got our gumboots on and loaded up with carrots, pears and mandarins and walked to the beach. The tide was out so we could walk way around the harbour. We found a secret pathway into the bush and we walked through that for a while. We found this old shed/shack that had written on the door: "Do not come in," which freaked us out. Then we walked around the rocks and there were lots of cool birds: shags, herons, oystercatchers. We walked through the water and laughed about the concept of asparagus. Went home and made falefal burgers. Real good falefal burgers. Like, man. Felt pretty normal apart from a vague buzzing sensation. Mainly just felt real chill and got real into music and popcorn. Listened to a lot of Led Zeppelin. Did a tiny chat with James Duncan and Carolyn DeCarlo and also Jackson Nieuwland and Ras Mashramani were there but not on camera. Made them listen to Led Zeppelin. During the guitar solo in Stairway To Heaven did an impromptu dance and ran and jumped on my flat mate's bed with her on it. Then I watched an episode of Sex and the City. Video skyped Susie for an hour and a half. Y'know, just chatting with my bestie, rappin' to Chamillionaire. Then I went to sleep at 11:17pm. Good ass day.

Tweets:

just some old myspace thing

Psychoanalyze Yourself, Don't read ahead, just copy and paste the following into a NEW bulletin BEFORE you read my answers. Then answer the following questions one at a time WITHOUT LOOKING AHEAD with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read what each answer means at the end.

1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who's with you?
stacey teague

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
cat

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
it has a look and then scurries away

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house, what size is it?
it's like a decent sized terrace house that is surprisingly roomy

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
ish

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining table is covered with?
foood

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
i dunno

8. What do you do with the cup you find?
oh it's polystyrene, someone's been bloody littering haven't they. i pick it up, obviously.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at a body of water, what kind is it?
lake

10. How do you cross that body of water?
there happens to be a boat also upon this lake

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The ANSWERS

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome

at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your relationships.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

"there is never any need to be lonely i think"

i feel lonely

i want to have dinner with someone

or not lonely, maybe i should just watch tv

i guess i don't even feel lonely at all

genuinely

i just want something different to happen