notes on "a million bears" by spencer madsen

read the first poem, then i read the same poem again out loud
the next day on facebook chat i said to spencer:

"i liked the part in that poem where you talked about birds
i read that one out loud to myself when it was very late at night
seemed nice"

i read "if this is poetry then what was shakespeare doing
seriously" and did a giggle

i felt things whilst reading the part about the laundry room and i enjoyed how it was like one never ending stream of consciousness, and when i read it i was holding my breath but i was not aware of holding my breath and i liked the way that that made me feel

i laughed out loud at "stared at a bird that looked like the twitter bird thinking 'tell me how to get more followers, please'" and then read "chicken is a bird not a food people don't think about that i think" whilst nodding and making hand gestures that i guess conveyed "i know right"

read this re: existentialism "we are all fucked and it's okay because it is all beautiful" and thought repeatedly "yes, yes, yes" whilst wanting to go on facebook chat and tell spencer madsen "yes, yes, yes"

i read about intimate things like "if i rolled over / she would lightly / kiss my arm / half asleep" and thought about my own intimate things. i thought about being in bed with people. i thought about eyes and hands mostly.

reminded me of falling in love and the times that i was "falling in love" and wondered how many more times i will feel the "falling in love" thing and felt scared and excited

read tweets about his cat like "told my cat i may get a bird he said 'if you do i will eat it' i said please don't" and felt impressed with how many times birds had been mentioned so far

thought "#thatawkwardmomentwhen you realise everyone is alone and unhappy" seemed like a cheeky thing to say. thought that spencer madsen is probably very cheeky.

did two short laughs and then one long laugh at "wish the word tabernacle meant something more applicable in everyday parlance, like my tabernacle is itchy, or bro put your tabernacle away" "i think i just wish tabernacle meant penis"

read "listen to 'going to georgia' three times and feel okay each time" and then listened to the song "going to georgia" two times (intentionally not listening to it a third time)

when i read the poem about mallory whitten i remembered that the first time spencer madsen ever talked to me on gchat was to ask if he thought this poem was okay and i said that it was

i finished the book and thought that i would like to live inside of spencer madsen's head but be free to move away for periods of time if i wanted to

you can order his book from here

life bullet points

- chewing a lot of "airwaves" chewing gum
- spiders starting to congregate in my bathroom again
- lorikeet at work humping the pom pom on my beanie
- feeling less lonely talking on gchat
- nachos with an unhealthy amount of sour cream
- feeling aware of how, whilst driving, i only indicate when absolutely necessary
- listening to a lot of Pavement
- during my grandma's funeral thinking that the trees outside looked like lil brocolli florets
- feeling cheeky about feeling like a grown-up whenever i go to the post office to pay my power bill
- my current favourite cat in the cattery is called "Bumble"
- mum earnestly suggesting i should wear a skivvy
- feeling okay about nothingness mostly
- keep burning myself whilst filling up my hot water bottle
- putting on my favourite brown beanie and feeling like it is swallowing my head and it feels nice
- drinking coffee and feeling normal
- sitting in front of my mac book writing words i guess

mix cds people have made me

'review' of ben brooks - grow up

On Thursday 21 of July I woke up at 7am and went to the Melbourne airport to get a plane to New Zealand. I cried for the first half hour of the flight, then watched a movie with Bradley Cooper in it. James Duncan and Stacey Teague met me at the airport. I gave Stacey a hug and started to feel nervous while I was hugging her so I held her a bit tighter and nearly made her fall over. I hugged James Duncan. He smelt like coffee. He was holding a coffee cup in the front pocket of his jacket. I said "you smell like coffee, that's nice" then I felt weird.

Stacey drove us into town where we had plans to get dinner with Jackson Nieuwland. Stacey and I gabbed away in the front of the car and I tried to calm down. On the stereo there was a CD playing Coldplay, Fleetwood Mac, the Shlohmo remix of 'im da shit' by Gucci Mane that James Duncan introduced us to weeks earlier, plus some other music that was mutually accepted as 'good'.

We spent some time waiting on the corner of Krd and Queen street looking out for Jackson Nieuwland. Jackson is a very tall person, he measures around 6'7". I felt jittery. I think we were all anticipating his arrival. We had dinner at Renkon. Jackson's pupils looked huge. There was talk of super foods.

We drove back to the shack where Stacey lives with Huna. James had brought over a copy of Grow Up by Ben Brooks. I think he said he read most of it on the plane. I promptly began to read it with vigour. Reading this book was a very good distraction from having to ask where I would be sleeping that evening.

Grow Up is about Jasper who is a teenager doing high school. He seems to have a frank personality and the way he thought about things reminded me of Christopher from 'Curious incident of the dog' sometimes. Jasper frequently got up early. He listened to one of Avril Lavigne's earlier albums to feel safe or nostalgic maybe, which is what I have done with the album 'Let Go' in the past. He was trying very hard to comfort his nice friend Tenaya a lot of the time because she was sad. I thought the way they drank tea together was very sweet and sort of middle aged. It reminded me how one of my friends always requests that I pop the kettle on before she comes over.

It made me remember a lot of things about being a teenager and made me realise that a lot of those things that I felt then are still with me today, although I think most of my friends have stopped doing self harm.

One of my favourite parts was when Jasper is hanging out with Tenaya and he asks if they can watch episodes of Gilmore Girls. There were a lot of pleasing pop culture references. The friendship Jasper and Tenaya had seemed like the kind of friendship you have where time seems like it is very still, you could do just about anything together and want to do just about anything, but probably end up doing nothing and that seems okay and not like a waste of time usually.

I found Grow Up really easy to read and read most of it that first night that I arrived. It seemed like a good distraction from 'everything that was going on', plus I felt proud that I was reading something very quickly.

Before I read this book I read the review that was written about it on the Guardian website. When I read it I thought about another article I read on the Guardian website about electronic poetry, which was about how when you write about something as if it is literature, you are in doing so acknowledging its place among literature.

I think that it evoked some other feelings in me that were ~profound but because the book belongs to James I cannot refer back to it at the present moment in time.

poet swag

when i smile i can feel my wisdom teeth pressing into the back of my mouth or somewhere inside my mouth at least and i like it

consider getting addicted to painkillers
plan to take them on future plane trips
fantasise about the oral surgeon
imagine getting braces so i can see him on the reg
plus more excuses to get codeine

Hands Like Mirrors

A few months ago, Stacey and I put a call out to writers and poets asking for submissions to a lil poetry journal that we were calling 'Hands Like Mirrors'. We put the word out to writers all around Australia and New Zealand through the Australia Poetry website and the Big Idea. Much to our surprise we received nearly 100 individual submissions! It was very flattering indeed. We applied for funding from RMIT Link Arts & Culture and received money to print it, which we did using a website called Blurb. From all those submissions we selected 11 pieces from each country.

Here are some excerpts from the things we chose.

Fiona Clark's "Your Love Poem is a Noun"

I'm sorry that the metaphor cannot contain the colour of the first whale to swim ashore. I have thrust my hand underneath its beard and wound the clock to make it tick...When we cannot speak I make the words from shoe polish and old candles. I furnish a whole room with you.

Susan Adams' "Neck Delight"
I want to.. rest on your calm
like a beach in the sun
spread over you
like slow mercury

Lana Rosenbaum's "She was here"
Soldiers take her away, her body leaking the dregs of her love on a military green stretcher. Winter starts to arrive and the warmth of her fades

Paul Williamson "Bloom"
things grow in darkness
that will not otherwise live

Frances Carter "I only date religious figures"
went to bed with jesus last night,
watched him undress
and cry all over my pillow.

Katie Winny "Mother Hunger"
I was promised so many harbours,
places to throw my ache away

These are pictures from the launch we recently had at Alphabet City in Auckland. Erin and Moira who run the space there have just opened a zine library, so if you live in that area go ahead and check it out.



Stacey is uploading videos of people reading at the launch onto her vimeo, keep an eye on that here.

We are both very proud of this anthology and thank the writers so very much for being a part of it. Sam Wieck, our designer, also deserves a ridiculous amount of praise. It would not look as amazing as it does without his tireless efforts and countless emails.

If you would like to buy a copy to hold in your own two hands, we are selling it for $8 AUD (plus a lil extra for postage). Click on the image below to pay via paypal.

OMG WE DID IT!!!!

konvict

day in review: 30/7/11

Woke up when my alarm went off at 6:45am. Just not feeling it. Shit. Lay in bed with my laptop for a while until I got out of bed to make toast and put clothing onto my body. I wore 2 layers of thermals, a flannel shirt, a black jumper, my black zip up hoodie, thick rugby socks, two layers of tights, converse shoes and red beanie. Gimme dat warmth. On the walk I listened to "Cow" by Sparklehorse two and a half times. At work I made a really strong coffee and couldn't properly communicate or function on any normal level. Got in2 dat coffee and felt like a normal human being. Felt extremely aware of how normal I felt. Did bird stuff. Talked to volunteers. Talked to my boss. My boss let me go an hour and a half early because she is a lovely human being. On the walk home I listened to Mount Eerie. When I got home I talked to Susie and Huna. I made noodles. I had a shower. I cleaned the house. Huna dropped me and Susie off in Titirangi and we got a coffee and a caramel slice. Read a cleo. Getting in2 dem sex tips. Think the family having coffee beside us were frightened by the frequency and volume of our laughter. Went to the supermarket and bought things for the dinner we were having at the shack later that evening. Walked home from Titirangi. Everything looked real nice because the sun was setting. We took pictures by a hedge and talked about things that seemed to matter. When we got home we made an "antipobro playlist" and listened to it as we made dinner. Well, Susie made a tofu curry and I mainly just talked to people on gchat and provided the occasional wise crack. We started watching "Stealing Magnolias" for some reason. Then Xinia came over with her famous brownies. Best brownies in the biz. We talked and then more people came over. People bought over pizza, salad and apple crumble. Got into it in a big way. Made three pots of mulled wine. Real nice. Talked about a vast array of topics for many hours. Good ass company. When everyone left, Susie and I danced around the living room to Toro y Moi. Shake ya ass. Watch yaself. Watched the rest of Stealing Magnolias. Kept singing "I Wanna Fuck You" by Akon at various times. Movie was a bit of a let down despite the stellar cast (Dolly Parton, Daryl Hannah, Julia Roberts, etc). Went to bed at some point. Spooning dat hot water bottle. Cool day - 9.5/10

day in review: friday 29 july

Had a bit of a sleep in on this day, woke up around 11am. Did a few internet things, borrowed one of Stacey's jumpers to wear for the day. Settled on a grey woollen one with large geometric shapes 9/10 for fashion/warmth. Left the house mildly excited about my impending walk up the road to Stacey's work and consequent solo journey into town, but as I was rounding the first bend after leaving, Huna zoomed past in her wagon with Stacey in tow. Huna was going to see the same film at the film festival, and I could get a lift into town in a couple of hours with her. Mixed feelings about this, as I'd hoped to go on a little walk, but mostly 8/10 for not having to get the bus. Back in the shack, I drew a 'mind map' for class that I had thought of on my way to sleep the previous evening on a piece of graph paper. Felt useful and productive, but only 7.5 out of 10 due to my underlying apprehension about being away from class for 2 weeks. Stacey's sister came to pick her up to visit their sick grandma. I stole music from Stacey's iTunes 10/10. Huna drove us into town and we listened to the mix CD that James Duncan made, totes 10/10 bb, and we chatted about boys and 'got to know' each other better, also a 10. We made it to the Civic Theatre in town with enough time to scalp the extra ticket that would have been Stacey's at the box office. An older gentleman gave us $10 for it, saying we could buy some treats or a drink with it. Kindness 10/10! The Civic is really cool for a number of reasons
1. It looks like an opera could take place inside it at any time
2. The ceiling turns into a sky (almost like the great hall at Hogwarts!) with clouds, stars, sometimes shooting stars
3. Has a beautiful big curtain with flamingoes drawn before the start of each movie
The film we went to see is by Lars von Trier and is called Melancholia. It is in two parts, the first about a girl who is heavily depressed, the second about a surprise planet called Melancholia that had been hiding behind the sun. After the film, Huna and I could barely speak. We found it very moving indeed. I sent a txt to Stacey saying the movie was 'very moving indeed'. I passed a lady who noticed that a lot of people were on their phones. She said 'everybody is calling their loved ones'. I do not think I can 'rate' it.
We walked up to Krd and got tasty, cheap, filling dinner from Hare Krishna and started to get back to normal 8/10. Stacey came into town and we met her in the Metro foodcourt. We decided to go have a drink at a place called Library Bar, while Huna needed to go to uni to print out some photos. On our way to the bar we passed the Sky Tower. I said 'I've never been to the Sky Tower'. We got a drink (struggled to open the bottle due to neither of us having a bottle opener) and sat at the bottom of the Sky Tower drinking. Felt kiwi as, if slightly cold 8/10.
Library Bar was really cute. We found a book called 'Meals without Meat' and read every single page. Stacey decided to filch it. Proud of dat girl 10/10. Despite feeling like accomplished kleptos, we didn't feel like staying out. Huna suggested we pop up to her uni where she was blasting David Bowie in the studios. We sauntered through town singing songs like 'Heard 'em say' by Kanye West feat. Adam Levine and 'Sometimes' by Britney Spears. Stacey said 'I'll be the Adam Levine to your Kanye', then karate chopped a pedestrian crossing button with her foot 10/10.
We got more booze from an asian liquor store. The guy in the shop was sweet. We went next door to get some chips, ended up buying mysterious buns, chips and reese's pb cups 9/10 for impulse candy purchase.
Huna met us and we proceeded to drink in the studio and listen to some sweet jams. At one point we were busted by a security dude, but he was a friendly ass bro! (10/10 for 'turning a blind eye') so around 11pm we decided to 'roll credits' and head up to Whammy for a lil bit. Turns out we were exhausted after walking up the ridiculous amount of steps in Myers park so we just had a sit on Krd. Huna got her phone back from this boy Dave, then we decided to call it a night, and she drove us back to the shack.

antipobros IRL

Sorry we haven't been updating this. I have been in the company of some very nice people.




















Screenshot by Neon Glittery.

times i've met susie: part 2

The next time I saw Susie was when I visited her in Melbourne in November 2010. I got the airbus into the city where I met Susie. Melbourne was very humid and I remember trying to stealthily take off my stockings on the bus ride there. She had to go back to work so I ended up napping on her bed with her flatmate's ("housemate's") cat Heidi tucked into the nook of my tummy. It felt nice. It felt like this was going to be a good trip. I was in a better place in my life. I felt unattached.























On the first night we went to go meet Susie's family in the city. We went to Vegie Bar for dinner and drank sangria and the food was really yum. I felt really at ease with Susie's family. In subsequent days we would hang out with them more, going to art galleries and shopping and the like. One night we went to Laura and Jordan's art exhibition at RMIT. We drank a lot of free beer and sat in fake grass. Afterwards we went to go get dumplings and then wandered around the city looking for churros.

I really liked Susie's neighbourhood, Hawthorn. I felt like I could live in such a place. One morning we went out for coffee and smoked cigarettes. The Melbourne Stacey smokes cigarettes but the Auckland Stacey doesn't. Okay. Hehe. Seems cheeky. That night we went to Beardo exhibition where our friend Zoe had some work. She was wearing a knitted beard on her face. I got to know Susie's friends more and they are all very wonderful. We made collaborative beard art outside with bits of paper and old cigarette butts. Then we all went back to Susie's and drank gin and tonics.
























Susie had to work a couple of the days that I was there. The first day she worked I slept in very late and then went out to get lunch and bought some books. I bought "Loneliness As a Way of Life" and "Shoplifting From American Apparel". Then I got the train into the city to meet Susie and we went to see Harry Potter. Afterwards we got eggplant curry. I felt like Melbourne was just nailing it.
























The other day that Susie worked I went to go meet Shu Shu in the city and we had lunch and looked around Sydney Rd. Hanging out with Shu Shu felt natural and I enjoyed her company very much. Also can't believe I ate an entire "big breakfast" thing, a muffin and several baklavas. I'm a lil piggy in Melbourne. Then I went to go meet Susie and we went to Cho Gao and met up with Ziggy, Erin, Jake and other various bros. Refering back to the food diary I kept of my trip, I drank 3 glasses of wine, 3 beers and 1 cider. Followed by a round of chicken mcnuggets. Another night we went to go see Rat vs. Possum at Workers. We danced a lot and it was really fun. We got home to Susie's and started getting into all this sweet r&b and dancing around her room. Seemed like Susie and I lived in our own little world.

Probably my favourite thing was when we went to Zoe's day party thing. We jumped on the trampoline and had sweet jams in the living room and danced to Beastie Boys. I thought "I could get used to this". Afterwards we went to this Malaysian place and I shared a "tofu stack" and "sweet and sour chicken". On my last day we went on a day trip to Geelong to see Susie's friend Amy. We drove to the beach and sang Best Coast loudly in the car. We ate icecream. I felt contemplative on the train ride. I felt happy. I felt many things that a human being feels.



I will move to Melbourne one day. It is a very special place.

times i have met stacey teague #2

In 2009 I started working two days a week as an administration intern at my university's arts organisation. I had never had that much money in my life, so I decided to buy tickets to Auckland to visit Stacey in July. When the trip rolled around, I had just started 'seeing someone' and this feeling that I always have to leave when things are 'getting good' in my life began.

By this time, Stacey was living right in the city near Karangahape road. This road is normally abbreviated to Krd and it is 'notable' for having a bunch of hip stores, vintage clothing stores and bars. Also there are some gay bars and TABs, a bunch of (what we would call them in Australia) derro people hanging around, plus prostitutes at night. She was living in this flat with her boyfriend Sam.

One of the first days I was there we were in the city and we went to an arcade. I encouraged Stacey to buy a matching woollen suit that seemed like it was probably from the eighties.

We went to a book club. People took names out of a hat and swapped books with that person. I swapped 'Disgrace' with Stacey's friend Brad and he gave me a very beautiful picture book about a fox, I do not remember the name of it at all. I also got 'Gertrude' by Herman Hesse from Stacey's friend Oxana



Oxana is holding the picture book that I borrowed. Brad suggested that I should read it to somebody I liked. I think he read it out to us at the book club. Oxana gave us a lift back into town that night.

We decided to go on a ferry to Waiheke Island. We picked a pretty nice day to go there. It was sunny and we ate fish and chips. We went on a walk to a vineyard. It was beautiful and there were sculptures around the gardens. It was a very sleek and modern building. Back in the town, we went into the art gallery. Attached to the gallery there was a piano museum. I liked this part a lot and I got to see one of those very old pianos that have black keys for white keys and white keys for black keys.

We went to a party with Stacey's friend Kiki and Sam's friend Matt. The party was themed, I think it was horror, so Stacey and Kiki did their makeup like zombies or something. Stacey had earmuffs because she was very cold. The party was at a very big posh house. There was a band playing. I wanted to explore the house. I think somebody fell over a beanbag in front of me. In my notebook of the time I made Stacey write: "I would never suck a dick - Kiki". I wrote "All I care about is oxygen and maccas - Stacey".

This trip was fairly 'low key' in comparison to my first visit to NZ. We went to see 3 movies. Two were part of the New Zealand Film Festival. The Film Festival movies were called 'Largo' and 'Examined Life'. The latter was a series of interviews with current philosophers about thinking. Or maybe there were topics, I do not remember. 'Largo' was about a club in a city where some people who I like a lot now seem to have 'become famous', maybe. This film made me feel very quiet and like I did not want it to end. There was a clip of Eliott Smith playing a song on piano.

Another movie we saw was 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince'. We got pods. I think I wanted to open them before the movie started. We saw the movie with Stacey's mum and her sister Kirsty. I had a panic attack when Dumbledore died, I remember feeling very scared because the panic attack wasn't only Harry Potter related.

Other times we were just hanging around the flat having a few drinks, smoking some weed and eating a lot of chips. One evening we watched 'Blackadder'. I had to sleep in Stacey's bed and I think she missed Sam because she would get out and cuddle him some nights which seems fair. They laughed and seemed 'in love'. Some nights I stayed up and waited until my 'person' came online, so sometimes I was antisocial and probably annoying on my up late on computer.

One of our final expeditions was going to the Auckland zoo. It was a pretty sunny day and we walked through a big park to get to the zoo. There were a lot of birds, especially chickens in this park. I found it weird that chickens were legit free range. At the zoo a chimp smiled at me. Stacey tried on silly hats in the gift shop. I bought a snow globe of a kiwi bird.



As we were leaving the zoo walking back through the park I felt really 'at ease', moreso than I had felt for the entire trip. We walked around a lake that had eels in it.

txts from Susie

omg ziggy is buying me a coldplay mug

jesus christ. omg... i am drunk w/bubble gum

just had a weird thought about tinychat... do u think ppl have weird orgies on there??

just feeling a lil weird!!!!

yis, let's see some nature or something..

i feel like watching effing garden state..

crushin on cutie working at the awesome shirt shop i went to with fray fray, they were playing kanye!

omg jordan just said "i've got an appointment to see some rare books" lolol

fraser just sang the sugababes and said it was an old german song. hehe. luv u babe

good girl!!! love u honey

go get em gurl!!

i want a bath like reaaaaally bad right now omg

wut doing?? can i call u??

Zine fest

I have a stall at Auckland Zinefest this weekend. Saturday 12-5 @ St Kevin's Arcade. I will be selling these zines:


By me:

Love zine
Bus zine
Melbourne zine
Dinosaur zine (new!)

(need to come up with better titles?)

Collaborative:

Subject #2 by me and Sam
Chill Waves (CALH) by me, Zoe and Susie
People are just People by Me and Susie

Other:

Four Crushes #2 by Susie Anderson
PORN (A chapbook) by Jackson Nieuwland


Come say hi. Buy me a muffin.

the times i've met susie: part 2

The second time I met Susie was when I flew to Melbourne with Sam in July 2008. I was in a very bad place when I went there because I hadn't been sleeping and felt extremely nervous and depressed. Bad vibes. We caught a taxi from the airport to Susie's apartment in Carlton. I fell asleep on Susie's bed and Susie and Sam went to go have a drink at a pub or something. Later on we went to go meet Shu Shu and Lindy and then got a train to Susie's hometown, Horsham, which is in the country. On the way there, I showed Sam something I had written in my notebook and he told me to put on 'Lay and Love' by Bonnie Prince Billy. I wondered how I could feel so in love and so depressed at the same time.

At Susie's, we had a flannel party and I had fun. The next day, I remember walking around Horsham feeling very cold and despondent. When we got back to Melbourne, Sam flew to Brisbane to see his friends there. I felt very sad about him leaving. That night, Susie, Lindy and I went out to Cho Gao and got very very drunk because of some free champagne ladies night thing. I remember the tram stopping and me getting off to throw up and not caring if the tram left without me. It was not my finest moment.

Susie took me around Melbourne and I began to really fall in love with the city. One night we went out for dinner with Steven and Lindy on Lygon I think. We went to this bar that had lots of couches or something, idk. I remember watching A Clockwork Orange in the basement of Lindy's apartment building and feeling many things. On my last night in town we went to see Claire Bowditch and Hot Little Hands and it was very nice. After the show we had to wait out in the cold for a long time trying to get a taxi and afterwards I couldn't get my body temperature back to normal and felt very nervous and did not sleep at all before I had to get my flight in the morning.

Even though I have a vague memory of this time, I still remember the way I felt about things. I feel like a very different person now. I found some old photos from this trip:

70

today
the empty spaces in my house
feel like ghosts moving all around me
moving through me

i am conscious of things that aren't there
of the silences my mouth makes

i am aching
for something

i can feel it
in my forearms
as i am typing

words to you

everyone is aching

what we feel is unquantifiable

it would be like trying to weigh something
in zero-gravity

it is like all the times you will ever say the word love

it is like opening your arms as wide as they can go
to indicate a very large distance

there is so much that we cannot measure

day in review: 7/7/11

Alarm went off at 6:45am, felt like my eyeballs were being crushed inside of someone's fist, fell back asleep again whilst semi-aware of being "cheeky". Woke up again at 7:20 thinking "fuuuuck" and then trying to put on clothes/make toast/do hair/go pee/check emails in the space of 5 minutes. Walked to work, seemed like it was going to rain but I didn't. Stopped at the place I usually stop at to look at the ocean. Got to work 5 minutes late. Topped up food/water for various birds and did a general clean. Fed the giant petrel outside, he is a real chill bird. A volunteer came in and I talked to her about her life and about birds and about the weather. Someone bought in a budgie and a pigeon. I made coffee for my boss and the volunteer and we stood around talking and drinking it. I cleaned/fed/medicated most of the inside birds and then started doing the outside birds. Felt really "buzzed" after my coffee. I finished at 1pm and walked home in the rain. It rained so hard that it soaked through my shoes and into my socks. It was a weird feeling. On my walk I found a really cool framed painting on the side of the road. I took it home and put it on my wall. I had a shower and made nachos. I started watching a ustream with Jacob, Caro, Shaun Gannon and some other people. Made me feel a bit weird. Talked to Alice about how weird we felt. Tiny chatted Spencer Madsen for a while. We talked about love and other things of that nature. It was nice. My dad came to pick me up because we were going to babysit my lil niece, Nova. My sister made us lasagna. I cuddled the baby and changed her poopy nappy like it was nbd. I live tweeted baby stuff. I talked to James Duncan, Blake West and Susie on facebook chat. My dad was watching Police Ten 7 and kept telling me to shush so I wouldn't wake the baby. I went home to my house and Huna arrived back after being away for the week. We sat out on the front steps and talked for a while. I went into my room and started typing this.























Gotta baby. Gotta pimple.

times i have met stacey teague #1

(this will continue as a series)
2008 New Year: Rhythm & Vines

This was the first time me and Stacey met. Prior to this meeting our correspondence had mostly been letters, myspace, msn and emailing. We had a 'tradition' of calling each other on ANZAC day, so we knew what each other sounded like. Some excerpts of our emails to each other leading up to this visit

26/11/2007
Susie Anderson
To sparklesista234@hotmail.com
honey I can't write anything
I am so polar
just write to me

5/12/2007
stacey teague
To hologram__@hotmail.com
All my follies, they have just shaped me, made me stronger, taught me lessons and i'm grateful to have the freedom to make so many mistakes.
I feel as if i'm hardly ever devoid of inspiration. Everything inspires me. There are the rare times when i'm in such a bad mood I can't appreciate the sky or the trees but it passes because I know its only temporary.
I love you and i'll be seeing you in 3 weeks and 3 days :) You got to give me a call before you come, lets talk :)

6/12/2007
Susie Anderson
hologram__@hotmail.com
To sparklesista234@hotmail.com

I feel a bit discontent and need to sort out my feelings.
ohhhh its only 22 days until the Stace/Suse affair begins yo
good.

18/12/2007
stacey teague
To Susie Anderson
I read this poem (THE HUSBAND TRIES TO WRITE TO THE DISAPPEARING WIFE - Jeannine Hall Gailey) aloud, then I whispered it to myself. Argh, what words can do to me.


21/12/2007
Susie Anderson
To Stacey Teague
I've been fucking around with friends for 4 days and I can't believe it's the end of the week already. It's so hot and humid and shiiiiiiit
LOLOLOL we are meeting in fucking 7 days motherfucker

26/12/2007
stacey teague
sparklesista234@hotmail.com
To Susie Anderson

I thought that I would finally write an email to you, I haven't beeen on the interwebz for a while and i'm also stoned so please forgive me.
Yeah so you are coming in 2 days, holy sheet!



I flew to Auckland a few days after Christmas 2007 and met Stacey. We stayed at her parent's place. My flight got in pretty late. Stacey picked me up in her dad's 4WD. She had mix CDs in the car, and it seemed perfect. We had the windows down and NZ seemed fresh and dewy in the near-midnight. We were probably both nervous as hell. I imagine this is why instead of going home to bed, we had a lil session by the water. Stacey was climbing trees. I felt awkward and less lithe than she.

The bulk of that trip was spent camping in Gisborne for a music festival called Rhythm and Vines. We met up with Stacey's friends Laura, Meliesha and Ben at the campgrounds. I think I met Huna (Stacey's current housemate) a few times around the campgrounds. Meliesha had lost all our acid for the festival. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing. I remember getting really drunk, drinking tequila from a drink bottle and getting lost at the campground wearing my "Kevin07" tshirt. While I was lost I think I was victimised by some bros. I got the worst sunburn of my life, had some nice swims, spent a lot of time stoned in the tent which felt really weird because it was actually my family's tent that I had brought because Stacey didn't have one at that point in time. Kept seeing odd things on the roof of the tent.

On NYE we were at the the actual festival RnV. Somebody smuggled drugs in via lipgloss. There was some pretty good music. I got to see the Mint Chicks, everybody went nuts for them. Also we saw Die Die Die and they were pretty cool. We watched this band called Jakob on a stage in a little woods. The stage looked like a gypsy caravan or something. We left the woods to go watch fireworks. The grass was wet and the ground was muddy because it had been raining. Stacey, Meliesha, Laura and I clung to each other watching them and did group hugs. We sat on a hill far away from all the people and listened to Scribe like it was a joke.

Back in Auckland, we moseyed around Green Bay, went to Piha beach with Sam and got stoned and overwhelmed by jam. We went on a day trip to a sculpture trail and had fish and chips by the beach. Driving with Stacey in NZ was the first time I listened to The Very Best of The Smiths. I felt awed by how 'cool' she was irl, driving around singing 'hang the dj hang the dj hang the dj'. seemed very awesome for my silly country gal mind. By this time we were becoming more at ease with each other.

songs

Explosions in the Sky - Last Known Surroundings



Sparklehorse - Cow



Ducktails - Killin' The Vibe



Mount Eerie - Voice In Headphones



El Perro Del Mar - Change Of Heart